Selena Gomez Naked And Suicidal

After spending the past 6 months confined to a mental hospital, Selena Gomez was released yesterday and she already appears to be stripping naked and attempting suicide as she presses against the protective glass at the top of a building in the photo above.

Of course it comes as no surprise to us Muslims that Selena Gomez wants to take her own life. Frankly, the fact that she hasn’t done so yet speaks to either her extreme laziness or utter incompetence (probably some combination of both), for she certainly has nothing to live for as she is a rapidly aging washed-up has-been secular slut with a barren womb and lupus riddled body who no one would really miss.

Shortly after this alleged suicide attempt, Selena was spotted out wandering through the Hollywood Hill muttering to herself in a sports bra and spandex while surrounded by handlers who’s job is no doubt to keep her from throwing herself over the side of a cliff… Let us hope that they get Christmas off this year.