How to Get To Hell; By Chris Penn’s Ghost

Hi, I’m Chris Penn’s Ghost! I’ll see you in Hell if…..   By age 42 you can make your heart implode from eating nothing but prime rib and drinking nothing but rare, mid-western whiskey… You can single handedly supply Madonna’s wedding with amphetamines, codeine, morphine, marijuana, an assortment of valium and 2 1/2 kilos of ..

Steve “The Goot” Guttenberg is awesome…

Police Academy star Steve Guttenberg is back, and he’s funnier than anything that has appeared on this site (yeah, we know, that’s not saying much). This is real, and it makes us so happy!  Click here to read it for yourself. You’ll learn shocking revelations such as…   Guttenberg refers to himself as “the Goot” ..

Exclusive Interview With Joe Piscopo

We caught up with Joe Piscopo on the set of his new film tentatively titled “My Shitty Vanity Project”. CelebJihad: So, Joe, what made you get back into show business? Joe Piscopo: What are you talking about? I’ve been working steady for 20 plus years now. CelebJihad: Really? Joe Piscopo: Obviously you haven’t seen many ..

Exclusive: Is Yogi Berra Madonna’s New Bat Boy?

Our sources are claiming that Madonna’s seven-year marriage to Guy Ritchie has stalled out – and the singer has been hosting late-night visits from former New York Yankee Yogi Berra at her Central Park West apartment in New York City. A source tells that Berra, 83, has made numerous solo nighttime visits to Madonna, ..

What Celebrity Dick Tastes Like!

It’s Gay Pride Week, or at least that’s what my dad told me. In honor of this momentous occasion the boys at CelebJihad have gone a little gay and compiled the following list of what celebrity dick tastes like!   Mike Myers’ dick tastes like it’s been fucking the same dead horse since 1997. Pete ..

Lindsay Lohan Addicted to Stank Puss

According to friends close to the “actress”, Lindsay Lohan has fallen off the wagon yet again. Apparently her girlfriend/pusha Samantha Ronson has gotten poor Lindsay hooked on her stank puss. Lindsay is reportedly held up with Ronson at her Hollywood home. Sources report Lindsay hasn’t slept in days and just can’t stop lapping away at ..

Sharon Stone and Hulk Hogan’s Karma Convo

Hey Hulk how are you doing hun? Not so good brother. Aww are you still upset about the negative PR you got for suggesting that the war veteran passenger in the car your speeding drunk driving son crashed putting him in a permanent vegetative state must of had bad karma? Yeah that and the fact ..

What Celebrity Pussies Taste Like

After many hours of grueling research in our lab we have determined what the following celebrity pussies taste like. If you make any discoveries of your own please feel free to include them in the comment section. Sigourney Weaver’s pussy tastes like coins. Lindsay Lohan’s pussy tastes like cigarettes and toast. Paris Hilton’s pussy tastes ..

Joe Simpson: Anal Pusher

After selling the photo rights to his daughter Ashlee’s unborn child and then leaking Ashlee and Pete Wentz’s secret wedding date to the press. Father / Super Manager Joe Simpson sent out a press release today announcing that Ashlee and Pete are going to be trying anal. According to Joe, his daughter Ashlee has been ..

HIV contracts Amy Winehouse

**World Exclusive** **Must Credit** Celeb Jihad can now confirm that the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, commonly known as HIV, has contracted Amy Winehouse. Sources close to HIV say that the virus has been inconsolable since it received the diagnosis last Friday. “This is something that you think only happens to other diseases: Gonorrhea, HPV, maybe ..

Rob Lowe in Hot Water Again

LOS ANGELES – Actor Rob Lowe is in trouble again for alleged misconduct with an employee. This time it’s the Lowe’s former gardener Manuel Sanchez who is filing suit. The lawsuit, filed Thursday in Santa Barbara, Calif., says, ” Mista Lowe put his hando inside my el pantos and strummed my chalupa like a mariachi ..