Olivia Wilde in the July 2009 Issue of Maxim

Olivia Wilde is going to hell! These pictures of her from the July 2009 issue of Maxim made my penis twitch. Making a man’s penis twitch is specifically forbidden in the Qur’an! Olivia Wilde now has only two choices. She can either become one of my wives or forever be considered a whore in the ..

Robert Pattinson’s Diary

Dear Diary: I was attacked by screaming girls again today. They scare me with their demands.  They keep calling me Edward and they want me to bite them. I guess it is because I made a stupid movie about sparkling vampires, but I could of sworn I was gay in that movie. I mean I am ..

Megan Fox and the Tragic Story of Daniel Rodriguez

When young Daniel Rodriguez heard that his favorite actress Megan Fox was going to be promoting her new movie in his hometown he could hardly contain his excitement. His mother (the widow) Mrs Rosa Rodriguez recalls, “Daniel was on cloud nine. He had gotten up early that morning to feather his hair and put on ..

Audrina Patridge Attracts Fish

The first picture in this series got be aroused because it looked like a large fish was about to tear apart Audrina Patridge from MTV’s The Hills. However, after further examination I realized that the fish was actually a guy, and he was more interested in mating with Audrina then mauling her. That is what ..

Lindsey Lohan Stole $500,000 in Jewels

Lindsay “Fire Crotch” Lohan is suspected of stealing $500,000 worth of jewels from an Elle photo shoot. At the shoot for “Elle” magazine in London, the actress posed with a “Dior” diamond necklace – but allegedly walked off without giving it back. In a unrelated story, Lindsay Lohan recently purchased $500,000 worth of blow and nasty ..

Jennifer Love Hewitt Looks Old

Believe it or not the picture above is of Jennifer Love Hewitt. The poor woman looks like she has aged 20 years ever since she started dating Jamie Kennedy. Imagine if your last chance at getting married and starting a family before your uterus falls out was a frumpy hack like Jamie Kennedy! Not only ..

Megan Fox was Super Excited at Transformers Premiere

Megan Fox was totally nipping out at the premiere of her movie Transformers 2 yesterday. We have been unable to confirm if those are actually her nipples or some sort of advanced CGI special effect being used to promote the film. We have heard speculation though that director Michael Bay tweaked her nips himself before ..

Don’t Get Drunk with John Mayer

MTV star Rob Dyrdek got so drunk with John Mayer on Saturday, that he had to go to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. Whether his stomach was full of semen is uncertain, but I think we all know what John Mayer had planned

Megan Fox Sucks Thumb And Talks About Angelina

When Megan Fox was asked how she feels about being compared to Angelina Jolie she had this to say. “It’s a lack of creativity on the media’s part, because I have tattoos and dark hair and I was in an action movie? That’s as far as the similarities extend.” Of course another big difference between ..

Playboy Threatens to Terrorize Nation with a Naked Heidi

Celeb Jihad has just learned that Playboy is threatening to unleash a naked Heidi Montag in their September issue. The sight of that horse faced slut showing off her flappy vag will no doubt cause wide spread panic and nausea. Early reports indicate that this is Hugh Hefner seeking revenge on a world he no ..

Chaz Bono: “I Love Dick!”

According to the state of California, cutting off your tits and having your clit shaped into a penis can grant you rights to marry the same sex. Chastity Bono, a.k.a Chaz, has just completed the necessary steps to legally marry a girl. When asked what the benefits were of being a male, Chaz quickly shouted “Pistol ..

Kelly Brook Caught Fondling Her Hot Friend

In a totally candid moment photographers caught Kelly Brook (doing what all hot girls do on boats) wearing her skimpiest bikini and playful feeling up her equally undressed friend. Coincidentally Kelly’s publicist Laura Finkelstein was on hand and had this to say “That is just Kelly being Kelly. She is really one of the ‘it’ ..