Amber Kobe Bryant



This is Amber from Dallas, TX and apparently she is Kobe Bryant’s secret girlfriend. People that know her in Dallas say that Kobe has been banging her for months, sending her sexual texts, and even flew her out to LA for a few Lakers’ games.


Amber does look like Kobe’s type, that is to say a completely average looking white girl. Maybe Kobe thought if he took this frumpy girl as his mistress it would be easier to keep secret.


If this affair gets confirmed Kobe better be ready to take his wife jewelry shopping. After that whole rape thing Kobe gave his wife a 8-carat purple diamond ring worth about $4 million. I wonder how much she will charge him for Amber?

Demi Lovato



Demi Lovato is an underage star on the Disney channel, so she is contractually obligated to take seductive pictures of herself with her cell phone. It is all part of Disney’s elaborate scheme to turn young girls into exhibitionists with severe princess complexes.


I am almost certain that naked pictures of Demi Lovato exist and will eventually be leaked to the Internet. I believe the only reason they have not already is because she is 17 years old.


So lets start the countdown now. She will be 18 on August 20th, 2010. I predict we will see nude pics of her no later then December of that year. Until then enjoy Demi’s clothed cell phone pics.

 

Demi Lovato Demi Lovato Demi Lovato Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato Demi Lovato Demi Lovato Demi Lovato

Heidi Montag



Heidi Montag Pratt performed at the Miss Universe Pageant last night. And by performed I mean she trotted her horse face around the stage, while lip-syncing to a heavily computerized version of her screeching in a studio. When is Spencer going to do us all a favor and stuff Heidi in a suitcase (just remember to take out her implants bro).


Of course it is possible that Heidi and Spencer are self-aware enough to realize Heidi has absolutely no talent or sex appeal, and since they relish being the bad guys they cooked up this whole Heidi trying to be a pop star thing to mess with us. If this the case then they are geniuses and truly deserve their money and life of leisure.


If you are brave enough here is Heidi’s performance from the Miss Universe Pageant.




Here is what Heidi’s singing sounds like without the aid of computers.



Ryan Jenkins Found Dead from Hanging


A week ago I didn’t know who Ryan Jenkins was. But today I giggled when I found out he was dead. Life’s funny like that.

Jenkins, who is suspected in the murder and mutilation of his ex-wife, Jasmine Fiore, was found dead in a Canadian hotel room from an apparent suicide.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and a place to kill your ex-wife (the time is after evening prayers, and the place is the center of the town square), but strangulation? At least have the decency to stone her to death.

So long, scum bag.

Alexis Bledel



Here are some pics of Alexis Bledel (who is apparently a celebrity) in an almost see through top at some event I didn’t bother finding out what it was, so lets just say she is at cock fight.


I know “almost see through” is about as useful as a fat chick during Prohibition, but I think this Alexis Bledel makes up for it with what we in the business like to call “blowjob eyes”. I don’t know if her mom was a husky or something, but those things are fierce.

 

Alexis Bledel Alexis Bledel Alexis Bledel
Alexis Bledel Alexis Bledel Alexis Bledel

Lion King



Was the Disney movie Lion King based on a true story? Because this picture appears to capture a real life Timon and Pumbaa hanging out together. Which is pretty awesome.


Of course it is not quite as awesome as a pic of a real life mermaid with a sweet sea shell bra would be.



Michael Jackson’s burial has been canceled due to poor ticket sales, a family spokesperson has said.
 
The burial had been planned for Jackson’s birthday, August 29th. But because of slumping ticket sales, investors have begun to pull their financial backing, forcing the family to postpone the service indefinitely.
 
Sources say the family is still looking for a way to maximize the profitability of Michael’s corpse while at the same time treating it with dignity and respect. Current options include:
 

  • Renting the corpse to Six Flag’s Magic Mountain for use in their annual Fright Fest
  • Melting down the corpse for use in a special limited edition set of Michael Jackson themed Precious Moments figurines
  • Just tossing it over the fence at Liz Taylor’s house

Lindsay Lohan



Well Lindsay Lohan finally did it! She got collagen injections in her lips and nappy extensions put in her hair.


For years people have been saying, “Yeah Lindsay is hot, but she would be much hotter if she looked like Brett Michaels”. Well lets see what they say now!


This is just the jump start Lindsay Lohan’s career needed too. Those lips will open up so many more acting opportunities for her. Now instead of being type cast as “the girl who looks like she blows a lot of guys”, she can now land roles as “the girl who looks like she blows a lot of guys well”.


No word yet if Lohan’s new look is in response to the Samantha Ronson interview in “Dykes Quarterly” in which she says she appreciates “full lips on a woman”. Of course Samantha was referring to a different set of lips, but reading comprehension has never been a strong suit for Lindsay.

Jackie Kennedy



Archivists sorting through Andy Warhol’s junk (no pun intended) have discovered a naked picture of Jackie Kennedy.


Apparently Jackie O was good friends with Andy Warhol and had sent him the nude photo of herself as a joke. Jackie’s second husband, Aristotle Socrates Onassis, was the one who got a paparazzi to take pictures of her skinny-dipping. Probably because she was uptight and wouldn’t spread it for him when he tried to take a few pics to show his friends.


Jackie O was a famous trendsetter, so it is not surprising that she would be the first celebrity to have naked pics of her leaked. All these young starlets today still copy Jackie Kennedy’s style.


Here is the naked picture of Jackie Kennedy Onassis. As you can see, even though she was a lifelong Democrat she still supported bush.


Jackie Kennedy

madonna = Mary Poppins on Meth


If you’ve ever wondered what Mary Poppins would look like if she was on Meth, Madonna has been kind enough to show you.

This week, the Material “Girl” celebrated her 51st birthday in Italy by desperately trying to keep the sun from melting her thin layer of remaining skin.

This is Madonna’s first birthday since her break up with Guy Ritchie. But don’t worry,  Madge, I’m sure this photo will cause Guy to come running back, or at the very least make it difficult for him to maintain an erection with the 20-something stripper he’s probably banging.

Happy Birthday, Madonna!