Celeb Jihad has just learned that Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren has moved past the “I’m pissed as sh*t” stage, and on to the revenge stage of dealing with her husband’s infidelities.

According to a source close to Elin she is making plans to have revenge sex with a number of Tiger’s fellow golfers. We then threatened the source with a Jihad if she would not produce the list. This is what she gave us.

The following is a list of golfers Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren plans on letting fill her holes.

	Vijay Singh – Vijay has long been hated by Woods for trying to steal his thunder as the top racially confused golfer in the world. Elin sees Vijay as the perfect starting point for her revenge sex marathon. Plus she already has picked out the perfect pickup line “Vijay get in my Vah Jay Jay”
	Phil Mickelson – Phil is use to coming in behind Tiger. He has been the #2 golfer in the world for years now. It will be sweet revenge for him to say “Hey I f*cked your wife” after finishing 2nd to Tiger in the majors next year. Plus his wife has tit cancer so he’s probably not getting any at home.
	Sergio Garcia – Elin is convinced this Spanish golfer will be great in bed. Sergio is famous for taking an excessive amount of time before every shot. If that translates into the bedroom then Elin could be in for a long night of sweet sweet love making.
	Fuzzy Zoeller – After the Masters in 1997 Fuzzy referred to Tiger Woods as “that little boy” and urged him not to order fried chicken or collard greens for the Champions Dinner next year. How pissed is Tiger going to be when he finds out that old Fuzzy birdied his wife’s hole.
	John Daly – John likes to hit it long and hard. Elin thinks this chain smoking, binge drinking, bad boy of golf is the perfect counter balance to Tiger’s taste in porn stars.
	Jack Nicklaus – Tiger Woods’ life ambition has been to one day beat Jack Nicklaus’ all time career major wins record. Whether Tiger is able to or not will become a moot point once Jack f*cks Tiger’s wife and f*cks her good. Elin can not wait to get plowed by this “golden bear”.

I’ve had about all I can take of the Tiger Woods bashing going on in the media these days. Last time I checked Muhammad had 11 wives, and he was a pretty good guy.

The real problem is Tiger’s #1 wife Frau Elin “Ice Pussy” Nordegren. It has now been confirmed that Elin hit Tiger in the face with a golf club knocking out a tooth before he crashed his car. How a limp-wristed woman was able to lift and swing a golf club, let alone have the mental capacity to figure out how to work the “blasted contraption” is astonishing in itself. However, the fact that Tiger didn’t immediately disarm her and sodomize right there on the spot for even touching his property is what is really beyond belief!

I blame Oprah and her feminist ilk for filling women’s heads with a lot of non sense about equality. The Qur’an is pretty clear about a woman’s place. She is a baby factory that must maintain her usefulness by cooking and cleaning, less she be cast out into the desert for a younger firmer model. If Elin had been on her knees every night taking care of business Tiger wouldn’t have been forced to subject himself to second rate stank puss.

I think it is pretty obvious that Elin has failed in her a marital duties. If this country was civilized and just like the glorious nation of Afghanistan, Tiger would be able to return Elin to her father with nothing but the clothes on her back. Her father would then lash her 30 times for failing as a wife, and force her to go back to fellating her Uncle Ahmed until she learned to do the damn thing right.

Check out these pictures of Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren in a bikini. No wonder Tiger was cheating on her! Any wife that would pose in seductive pictures like these is no better than a common jezebel.

Of course if this was a progressive country like Iran, Tiger would have been able to lash Elin, and then cast her out into the desert for being a whore who shows no regard for her husband. But no you backwards Western countries with your sissy domestic abuse laws won’t allow that.

Tiger’s marital bed was already defiled. He had no choice but to seek out other places to lay his head… and his c*ck.

One of Tiger Woods “alleged” mistresses, Jamiee Grubbs, has released some texts and a voicemail she says are from Tiger. Here are the texts Woods allegedly sent to Grubbs,

“I will wear you out…when was the last time you got (bleeped)?”
*Hint the bleeped part is not “your pilates on”

“Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take (a picture).”
*The word “naughty” is open to interpretation. It is possible Tiger wanted her to take a picture of herself killing a cat or taking a dump.

If these texts weren’t damning enough for poor Tiger, the whore… I mean “mistress” also released a voicemail he left her warning her that his wife had gone through his phone, and begging her to take her name off her voicemail. Here is that voicemail…

Later in the evening Jaimee received a call from a blocked number which of course she answered. Jaimee claims the caller did not identify herself but said, “You know who this is because you’re f**king my husband.”

Jaimee responded, “that narrows it down to about 20 people could you be more specific?” (maybe she didn’t say that, but I bet she was thinking it)

It looks like Tiger Woods needs a new driver.

In an apologetic statement released today, Woods said that the accident he was in early Friday morning was his fault. Tiger then went on to make a startling confession.

I know there has been a lot of nasty rumors going around about me. Well as this accident plainly shows they are true. I am in fact half-asian, so I am a horrible driver.

Asians have long been known to be a scourge on our nation’s roads. For years Tiger Woods apologists have claimed that being half-black overpowered the horrible driving genes he got from his Asian mother. However after this recent incident we can see that unfortunately for Tiger this is not the case.

No word yet what other parts of Tiger are Asian, but according to sources close to the couple, Tiger and his wife have been fighting a lot recently. This will inevitably lead to further speculation that Tiger Woods is also Asian in the pants.