As you probably know we here at Celeb Jihad have been following this royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton very closely, and according to our source close to Kate she has told the Prince that in preparation for married life she will no longer be performing oral sex on him.
Kate reportedly broke the news to William late last night saying, “Suck your own prick you wanker, I’ve done become a Princess now, I did.”
No word yet on how Prince William is feeling about this development, but reports are already starting to surface that, on a recommendation from his father, William is searching for an older homely looking woman to serve as his long term “friend”. More on this story as it develops.
Just days now before “the wedding of the century” between Prince William of Wales and Kate Middleton of a trailer park outside of Essex, a picture of Kate’s wedding dress has been leaked to the Internet.
As you can see in the photo below, Kate Middleton’s wedding dress is definitely in keeping with her personal style and her working class upbringing.
The dress was designed by Fabio Pumpritzo, who is best known as the official designer of Miss Tranny UK 2010. According to Fabio, “This dress is an elegant polyester and cotton blend. It features over 20,000 sequins all made from real plastic to ensure quality.”
This is certainly shaping up to be a fairy tale wedding for the ages!
As this picture clearly shows, a prodigal daughter and human tattoo mannequin got married on Saturday night and decided to celebrate the affair by eating the world’s largest land mammal.
That’s the only possible explanation for why the couple would have gone through the trouble and expense of importing an elephant to a wedding. American appetites are such that it is not uncommon for a family of 5 to devour an entire hippopotamus while idly ogling celebrity dance contests.
While early reports convey that the elephant was tender and delicious, several attendees claimed that Nicole didn’t eat the elephant itself, but was seen voraciously chomping on its shadow.
While both the bride and groom exhibit the worst about the United States, it’s nice to see a newlywed couple following in the Middle Eastern tradition of roasting an elephant to celebrate love.
At 10:42 EST on Monday CelebJihad.com reported that the Khloe Kardashian-Lamar Odom wedding was as fake as your mother’s tits. And Guess who was right, bitches?!
TMZ is now reporting that the wedding was fake, and that lawyers are still working on a prenup! So eat it!
We’ll take that Pulitzer now, please!
Eat our camel crap, everybody! We won!
Click here to see the article in question.
It was the wedding of the year, with a who’s who of Hollywood celebrities and basketball VIPs in attendance. But there was just one problem; the wedding of Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom was faked, CelebJihad can confirm.
The couple has yet to produce the bloodstained bedsheets from their wedding night. Sources close to the couple have stated that this is because Kardashian was in fact not a virgin at the time of her marital ceremony, making the union completely null and void in the eyes of Allah.
It is believed that Odom was aware of his bride’s non-virgin status and went ahead with the sham as part of an orchestrated publicity stunt. However, at least one source has told us that Odom was in the dark on Khloe’s impurity. If this is the case, Odom is well within his rights to have Kardashian stoned in a public setting. Due to public interest in such an event the stoning would most likely be held at the Staples Center, where Odom plays for the Lakers, or the Disney Concert Hall in downtown Los Angeles.
When asked if he would be interested in creating a show about the possible stoning death of Khloe, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” producer Ryan Seacrest said, “I’m seriously thinking about it,” according to People Magazine.
There has been a lot of speculation about the reason behind Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s rushed wedding this weekend.
The two love birds just announced they were a couple 2 weeks ago, and it is now confirmed that they will be walking down the aisle on Sunday. What is the hurry? Is Khloe pregnant? Does Lamar have a life threatening disease?
Well as it turns out when Khloe was a child she was by far the most attractive Kardashian sister. Her beauty was talked about far and wide. This made her sister the evil witch Kim Kardashian insanely jealous and she cast a spell on Khloe turning her into the ogre faced monster we know today. The only way the spell can be broken is if Khloe marries a large black man by midnight this Sunday. When she does she will turn back into a real girl!
