Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob in the “Twilight” movie series, got into a confrontation with a small girl at a bowling alley in Inglewood yesterday.
According to witnesses, Taylor Lautner showed up at the bowling alley by himself, and proceeded to loiter in the boy’s bathroom for a good 3 hours. He then was making his way to the exit when a small girl shouted, “Team Edward!”
This apparently struck a nerve with Taylor who confronted the small child and asked her “what the f*ck her problem was”. The girl responded with “You’re my problem f**got and I suggest you gets to stepin before I beat your homo wolf a**.”
A source close to the scene reports that Taylor’s eyes welled up with tears, and it appeared as though he was going to slap the girl. However, the girl’s mother intervened and Taylor Lautner was escorted out of the bowling alley by one of the pimply faced teens that work there.
Twilight heartthrob Robert Pattinson has turned his back on fans of the series! In a recent interview with the Zionist controlled New York Times, Pattinson said that Twilight can “get a little boring,” adding that, “The good news is that the whole thing is done in seven months.”
Well, if that’s not a slap in the face to Twilight fans everywhere, I don’t know what is. Where does he get the nerve? He might as well have said, “all ‘Twi-Hards’ are stupid, pimple faced 14-year-old girls who will probably grow up to be fat, ugly housewives if they’re lucky enough to not die alone.”
It just goes to show you that the only thing you can trust in this world is Allah. If any disillusioned Twilight fans are interested in learning about the wonders of Islamic extremism, I’d be happy to help mold your impressionable young minds. Please email me at celebjihad@gmail.com (no fatties).
Hey fellow Twihards check out this exclusive screen shot from the new Twilight movie “Eclipse”.
I am so pumped to see this movie that my nipples could cut glass right now. This screen shot depicts my favorite part from the Eclipse book. It is when the daywalker Blade comes and takes Edward’s head clean off with his sword.
I wonder if they will show the full scene were Blade then gets Bella to blow him behind the old oak tree before he snaps her neck for being a filthy vampire f*cker. I think they should because that scene is an integral part of the story, and helps explain why Bella rises from the dead and sets fire to the town’s only KFC.
Wow fellow Twihards take a look at this new trailer I just found for Twilight Eclipse! This movie looks soooo good. I am going to have cut myself later to relieve the tension from having to wait for the release of Twilight Eclipse.
Edward looks so sexy in this trailer. Of course Jacob does too. OMG yum those abs makes it tickle in my special place. If Twilight Eclipse is half as good as this trailer makes it look I’ll probably just end up killing myself at the end of the movie because nothing in my life after will ever come close to how awesome it is, and the fact that I will never experience such ecstasy again would surely drive me into a deep depression to which I’d never emerge. I can not wait!!!
Without further ado here is the new trailer for Twilight Eclipse.
Good news fellow Twihards the day we’ve all been waiting for is here. The good people of Japan have made a plush Edward sex toy.
Finally our lonely nights of masturbating into socks with Robert Pattinson’s face stapled on the top of them are over. Now we’ll really be able to go to town on that sexy vampire body, and give it something to suck on.
I personally ordered 6 of these. They are going to be my own personal vampire sex convent. We are going to sit around in the dark drinking tomato juice and talking about our feelings. Then I’m thinking we’ll have a good cry for maybe 30 to 45 minutes before I drill some holes in these bad boys and f*ck the unliving sh*t out of them.
CelebJihad has just received these exclusive Twilight Eclipse promotional photos, and we could not wait to share them with our fellow “Twihards”. Since no one has seen the movie yet, and I am probably the biggest Twihard in the world I will be providing captions for each photo describing what is going on in the scene pictured.
Edward and his friends practice backyard wrestling with the hope of one day making it big in the WWE.
Edward hesitates when going for 2nd base with Bella because he is afraid that Jacob’s wolf pack may have run a train on her and she may give him vampire AIDS
Luckily for Edward an awkward situation is avoided when he nuts in his pants before they can go any further.
Edward’s Uncle Lenny, who was spying on the young couple while masturbating in the closet, looks on with disapproval at his nephew’s piss poor sexual performance.
A new girl moves to town with her bad ass biker boyfriend, and the bodies of pasty teenagers start turning up in various dumpsters.
Bella and Edward get cast to shoot a commercial for a feminine hygiene product in the town’s flower patch.
In the commercial’s closing scene Bella tells Edward that if he is good he can have her tampon for dinner when she is done with it.
The Twilight gang tackles addiction as their longtime friend Moses gets hooked on eating meth.
In the films climax Edward finds out he has an autistic brother who he takes on a road trip to Vegas to count cards at the blackjack tables.
Democratic Representative and Twilight star John Murtha died on Monday at the age of 77, according to media reports. He had been suffering complications after a gallbladder surgery.
A retired Marine and a vociferous critic of the Iraq War, Murtha was set to appear in this year’s Twilight sequel, Twilight: Eclipse. He was cast as Tyrone Cullen, a jive-talking vampire from Brooklyn who teaches his vampire grandson Edward (Robert Pattinson) how to dance for the big vampire talent show.
A memorial service will be held this Friday.
