Celeb Jihad has just received the exclusive trailer (see below) from a new Spiderman movie, and boy am I disappointed.
While the acting is considerably better than any of the previous Spiderman movies, the plot is completely unoriginal. I thought this new Spiderman was supposed to be a reboot, but I just see more of the same, with a lot of lip-flapping between scenes of Spiderman banging Mary Jane raw dog.
If this is the best those Zionists in Hollywood can come up with then I’m not going out to masturbate in the theater, at least until that Adventures of Tintin movie comes out.
Closet queen Taylor Lautner is involved in a legal spate with Brent McMahon, who owns McMahon’s RV in Irvine. Apparently McMahon’s RV was supposed to deliver a customized trailer equipped with fainting couches, plush rugs, and 6 bidets, for Taylor Lautner to use as his personal dressing room during the filming of his new movie.
However, McMahon’s RV ran into trouble finding enough ostrich feathers for the trailer’s tickle station and had to deliver the trailer late to Taylor. Of course Taylor Lautner promptly threw a huge diva fit when his precious trailer had not arrived on time, and immediately contacted his lawyer to file a lawsuit against McMahon’s RV.
Earlier this week Brent McMahon suggested that they settle this lawsuit like men and challenged Taylor Lautner to a good old fashioned push up contest. Reportedly Taylor Lautner has declined the challenge citing his sensitive wrists as the reason.
Though Celeb Jihad has learned that Taylor Lautner may be issuing a counter-challenge to Brent McMahon. Taylor is reportedly thinking of challenging Brent to compete in a serious of events to settle the lawsuit. They would include seeing who can walk the farthest with a quail’s egg in their ass without breaking it, who can sing the most songs from Roger and Hammerstein musicals, and who can suck the most c*ck in an hour.
Brent McMahon has yet to respond.
Here is the new trailer for Avatar 2. It looks pretty good.
Of course I haven’t seen the first Avatar film because I refuse to support Zionist run Hollywood. Besides who needs 3D movies when I can just stare out the window of my room here at the South Shore Care Center in Oxnard, CA and watch nature.
I tell you watching two squirrels chase each other, or a army of ants marching around on the ground is probably just as good as any 3D movie James Cameron makes. One time this bird almost flew into my window and I was “Wow”. You just can not get that kind of experience in a theater!
Anyway without further ado here is the trailer for Avatar 2.
Wow fellow Twihards take a look at this new trailer I just found for Twilight Eclipse! This movie looks soooo good. I am going to have cut myself later to relieve the tension from having to wait for the release of Twilight Eclipse.
Edward looks so sexy in this trailer. Of course Jacob does too. OMG yum those abs makes it tickle in my special place. If Twilight Eclipse is half as good as this trailer makes it look I’ll probably just end up killing myself at the end of the movie because nothing in my life after will ever come close to how awesome it is, and the fact that I will never experience such ecstasy again would surely drive me into a deep depression to which I’d never emerge. I can not wait!!!
Without further ado here is the new trailer for Twilight Eclipse.
Celeb Jihad has just obtained this exclusive trailer for the upcoming movie “Kristianne Baille” starring Kristen Bell and Christian Bale.
I know that one shouldn’t draw too many conclusions from a trailer, but this will probably be the greatest film ever made. I think everyone involved will receive multiple Oscars, and probably get laid by a ton of super models.
The dialogue in this trailer is like poetry, and the acting so sublime I can not help but tear up every time I see it. This movie makes me question the existence of God because I can not believe there is something in this universe greater than it.
Anyway prepare yourself for this exclusive look at the new Kristen Bell and Christian Bale movie “Kristianne Baille”.
CelebJihad has just received these exclusive Twilight Eclipse promotional photos, and we could not wait to share them with our fellow “Twihards”. Since no one has seen the movie yet, and I am probably the biggest Twihard in the world I will be providing captions for each photo describing what is going on in the scene pictured.
Edward and his friends practice backyard wrestling with the hope of one day making it big in the WWE.
Edward hesitates when going for 2nd base with Bella because he is afraid that Jacob’s wolf pack may have run a train on her and she may give him vampire AIDS
Luckily for Edward an awkward situation is avoided when he nuts in his pants before they can go any further.
Edward’s Uncle Lenny, who was spying on the young couple while masturbating in the closet, looks on with disapproval at his nephew’s piss poor sexual performance.
A new girl moves to town with her bad ass biker boyfriend, and the bodies of pasty teenagers start turning up in various dumpsters.
Bella and Edward get cast to shoot a commercial for a feminine hygiene product in the town’s flower patch.
In the commercial’s closing scene Bella tells Edward that if he is good he can have her tampon for dinner when she is done with it.
The Twilight gang tackles addiction as their longtime friend Moses gets hooked on eating meth.
In the films climax Edward finds out he has an autistic brother who he takes on a road trip to Vegas to count cards at the blackjack tables.
As hormonally charged teen girls and emotionally stunted women pile into theaters to see the new Twilight movie “New Moon”, the trailer for the next Twilight movie “Vampires In Heat” was just released to the Internet.
This movie looks awesome! And by awesome I mean erotic. There is nothing more sexually appealing then a bunch of vampires in heat for a teen girl. They are so going to drive a stake into her.
Watch this trailer for Twilight: “Vampires In Heat” it is hilarious.
