LeBron James is joining Team Jacob, and will announce his decision on Thursday night, CelebJihad has confirmed. The decision, which is sure to anger millions of Team Edward supporters, brings to rest the most-hyped free agency period in N.B.A. history.
James, a noted Twihard, reportedly made up his mind after attending a midnight viewing of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse last Wednesday with fellow NBA star and Edward supporter Chris Bosh.
“I’m hooked on Edward because of how he treats Bella,” Bosh told reporters after viewing the film. “He’s romantic and protective of her.”
“Edward is nice and can read minds; Jacob is ill-tempered and buff,” Bosh added.
But Bosh’s loyalty to Team Edward was not enough to sway James, who is reportedly obsessed with “that cute little wolf boy.”
While the hype is focused squarely on James decision, players aren’t the only ones caught up in the Twilight craze.
“The books made me feel like I was finally someone,” says NBA commissioner David Stern. “I don’t have many friends, but nothing can hurt me in my own little world.”
Added Stern, “Also, I like the fact that it’s encouraging players to read.”
Team Edward was dealt a tremendous blow today as starting left tackle Laquisha Adams had to be helped off the practice field with what looked like a groin injury.
The offensive line was performing blocking drills when Laquisha fell to the ground riving in pain and clutching her “special spot”. Team doctors don’t know the extent of the injury yet because they are waiting on a special piece of equipment needed to examine a crotchal region of this size to be flown in from Denver.
With Laquisha Adams out Vegas odds have overwhelmingly swung in Team Jacobs favor. As one analyst put it “You just can’t replace a Laquisha Adams. Left tackle is one of the most important positions on any team that supports a fictional character, because it blocks the quarterbacks blind side.”
Team Edward were looking at signing NFL left tackle Michael Oher to come in and replace Laquisha, but Michael was quick to squash any hope of Team Edward signing him by releasing this statement,
“Why the f*ck would I come play for them? My movie “Blind Side” is the #1 movie in the country right now. Suck on that Twihards!”
