LOS ANGELES – A hooker that Charlie Sheen reported stolen from his Sherman Oaks home was found overturned hundreds of feet down a nearby cliff early Sunday, but there’s no evidence anyone was in the hooker when it went into the ravine, police said.
Police got an emergency call around 4 a.m. from an OnStar-style alert system that calls emergency officials when there is a problem with the hooker that may require assistance, Officer Lisa Dolenki said. At about the same time, Sheen called police to say his 22-year-old Dominican hooker named Mercedes had been stolen.
Police and firefighters found the hooker 300 to 400 feet down a cliff, upside-down in the brushy ravine. They searched the area on foot and with an infrared-equipped helicopter but found nobody in or around the hooker.
“They’ve looked all around her hind-side. There’s nobody in the hooker, nobody around (and no) evidence of anybody being around at the moment of impact,” she said.
Britney Spears’ left nipple has been stolen, CelebJihad can confirm. Apparently, Britney woke up this morning to find that her living-room window had been tampered with, but since nothing appeared to be missing, she went about her daily routine.
Several hours passed before the small Guatemalan boy in charge of removing unwanted hairs from Britney’s breasts made the shocking discovery and let out an audible cry of, “Aye, aye, aye, el pezon no mi gusto!”
Britney seems distraught over the theft, and is desperate to track down the culprit. But who would want to steal a nipple? Perhaps Tara Reid? Coco, the nipple loving chimp? Or perhaps her ex-husband K-Fed. After all, he has been working on some nice knockers of his own. A lady nipple could come in quite handy for him.
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Police have arrested a man named Nick Prugo for allegedly burglarizing Lindsay Lohan’s apartment (surprise; he’s supposedly her former coke dealer).
CelebJihad has obtained an exclusive list of the stolen items that police have recovered thus far.
- Lindsay’s beauty and youthful appearance (although both were damaged beyond repair).
- A RealDoll in the shape of FES from That 70’s Show.
- The mummified head of her British “twin” from The Parent Trap.
- 15,000 unopened copies of her album, A Little More Personal (Raw)
- A picture of her and Michael Eisner at Knott’s Scary Farm marked “evidence”
Special thanks to Eric Filipkowski, Jon Mitchell, and Marty Platinum.
Did we forget any items? Let us know in the comment section.
