Tiger Woods made headlines today when he announced that his return to golf will take place at something called “The Masters”. That sounds like a pretty racist tournament to me, but what do you expect from a self-loathing black guy like Woods.
More importantly though we have heard from a very reliable source (who may or may not be a carnival psychic) that Tiger will make his triumphant return to banging whores behind his wife’s back sometime in early May. After a long period away from the game Tiger has decided he is ready to get back out there and get his golf club wet.
No one knows for sure how Tiger’s sex game will be affected by his extended absence from f*cking, but his fellow adulterers don’t seem to concerned. When asked how Tiger’s layoff may affect his laying ability, long time friend and former President Bill Clinton said, “Tiger is a once in a generation type of cocksman. I don’t see him having any problem getting back out there. His whore wrangling may be a little down at first, but once he gets back inside some stink he should be fine. It is just like riding a bike.”
So skanks of America start doing your stretches and waxing your naughty bits because one of the greatest man whores of our era will be back on the prowl in a matter of weeks.
According to one time Playboy model and alleged Tiger Woods’ mistress Loredana Jolie, Tiger had sex with other men in front of her. Loredana says she is planning to tell all about how she and Tiger “came about, his healthy appetite for arranged sex, threesomes, girls next door, girl-girl, and an answer to all the rumors surrounding Woods’ sexuality.”
No word yet if Tiger’s alleged male mistresses were white with blonde hair and big breasts. However, my friend from Boston assures me that Tiger was most likely doing his good friend Derek Jeter because “Jeter is a homo”.
If there is one thing that we can take away from this latest development it is that if you are a famous married guy and you want to cheat on your wife do it with a man! Notice how no guys have come forward seeking fame for having been banged by Tiger. That’s because guys know how to keep their damn mouth’s shut.
TMZ has reportedly found a picture from the 1950’s of John F. Kennedy on a boat filled with naked women. The picture shows two naked women jumping off the boat (presumably to escape), and two more naked women sunning on the top deck (presumably too frozen by fear to attempt an escape). Just below the top deck John F. Kennedy is lying sunning himself, and preparing his mind for the insane amount of wild sex to come.
Professor Jeff Sedlik, a forensic photo expert, says the print appears to be authentic. Sedlik says the photo is printed on paper consistent with what was used in the 1950s. The emulsion on the surface of the print has numerous cracks the result of aging, handling, and beating off too.
There are numerous articles and books on John F. Kennedy which mention a Mediterranean boating trip that he took in August, 1956, with his brother Ted Kennedy and Senator George Smathers. It was rumored that they entertained a number of women on the yacht, as Ted Kennedy entertained a number of whiskeys in his liver.
Jackie Kennedy was pregnant at the time, so John was looking to get some strange pink to stick it in. Ironically Jackie was rushed to the hospital while JFK was on the sex boat. Doctors performed an emergency C-section, but the infant was stillborn. If John would have just waited a week he could have plowed his wife when she got home from the hospital.
Never one to mince words, porn star and alleged Tiger Woods mistress Holly Sampson was actually claiming to have “f*cked” Tiger Woods back on May 26th.
In a web video for some adult site, Holly and another porn star are interviewed. When Holly is asked if she has ever had sex with anyone famous she first name drops Kevin Costner (who apparently has an enormous dong). Then Holly casually mentions she had sex Tiger Woods.
This leads her into the whole story of how her and Tiger met, and what he was like in bed saying,
“I f*cked Tiger Woods. … Me and my girlfriends did a bachelor party for Tiger and it was amazing. And then he picked me to go in the room. I have to say he was really good.”
“I think it’s pretty amazing. He’s like the whitest black boy you’ve ever met. His teeth are perfect and he’s the perfect gentleman. He’s beautiful.”
Sampson also confirmed performing oral sex on Woods and that he used a condom.
“It was pretty simple, straight up sex. He’s got a lot to protect himself from too. I think he would probably die if he knew I was telling this on the internet but that’s okay, I don’t care. It was fun, it’s not like it was any big mystery.”
Here is video of Holly Sampson discussing banging Tiger Woods back on May 26th. Enjoy!
Here is some exclusive behind the scenes footage of Rachel Bilson shooting a nude sex scene for her new movie.
Though the director claims to be using a body double for the nude portions of this scene I am not convinced. Either this body double has the exact same body as Rachel, or she went through with the nude scene and just pretended she did not.
Either way this video is ridiculously hot, so be prepared to become extremely aroused!
The video below is a leaked preview of the Carmen Electra lesbian sex tape. Did you know there was a Carmen Electra lesbian sex tape? Neither did I. Frankly I am not surprised, but I am pretty damn pissed that only a preview has been leaked.
So now I have to wait for the full Carmen Electra lesbian sex tape to be leaked? I am already waiting for those damn Carrie Prejean sex tapes to come out. I don’t think I can take much more of this.
If the Carmen Electra and Carrie Prejean sex tapes are not leaked soon I’m going to starting issuing fatwas! Trust me you wouldn’t like me when I fatwa!
Here is the preview of the Carmen Electra lesbian sex tape.
Well the inevitable has happened, the Carrie Prejean (Miss California) sex tape has been leaked to the Internet.
I agree with Carrie Prejean that same sex marriage should not be made legal, but I still find her stance on the subject morally weak. How about actually standing for something Carrie? How about being a righteous woman and promoting Islamic law, for it is the one true law praise be to Allah.
Islamic law is very clear, not only should sodomites not be allowed to marry, they should be castrated with a curved sword, then whipped in the town square until they are straight. If Carrie Prejean was truly a moral woman she would have said that… oh and she wouldn’t have made a sex tape.
Anyway here is the Carrie Prejean sex tape.
