Haiti’s airport can only handle 130 flights a day. Thank God one of those precious flights was reserved for actor John Travolta.

John Travolta has flown aid supplies to Haiti in his own Boeing 707 to assist his fellow Scientologists already on the ground helping the earthquake victims.

Dressed in yellow T-shirts, Scientologists use a process called ‘assist’ in which the power of touch is said to reconnect nervous systems shaken by trauma. The group is using light ‘touching’, through clothing and bandages, of fractures and infection.

Islam is the one true religion, but I have to hand it to Scientology here. I know if I was badly injured in some sort of catastrophe I’d feel a hell of a lot better if some weirdos in yellow shirts came and started massaging my wounds while telling me about the wonders of “Dianetics”. Peace be upon you John Travolta. May Allah bless your quest to molest every person in Haiti.

CelebJihad.com has confirmed that Katie Holmes has rejected the wicked paganism of her husband and converted to Islam. Katie, seen here sporting her fashionable new Hijab, was attending a screening at the Sundance Film Festival just after leaving her nightly prayers.

Now, normally I would stone to death any woman who dares to show her face. Despite what moderate Muslims say, the Hijab is an abomination that is only fit for homosexuals and transvestites. A true Muslim woman would never leave the house without a Burqa. In fact, a true woman of faith would never leave the house at all because she would be too busy preparing her husband’s hookah and flogging herself for the sin of menstruation. But considering this is Zionist controlled Hollywood, I will take what I can get. Baby steps.