Santa Claus was rushed to the emergency room yesterday after Kim Kardashian completely shattered his pelvis when she sat on his lap.

Santa is in stable condition but will require surgery to insert a steel rod into his abdomen after Kim Kardashian’s gigantic ass pulverized his pelvic bone. Santa is expected to make a full recovery in 6 to 8 months.

However, there was more bad news for Santa as doctors discovered that Kim’s ass juices had also transmitted a nasty case of gonorrhea, and gotten him pregnant with Kobe Bryant’s baby.

Due to the prospect of mounting legal bills, former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky announced he was coming out of retirement to begin a new career as a shopping mall Santa Claus.

Sandusky is the perfect candidate for the job of mall Santa as his enthusiasm for having kid’s on his lap is unrivaled, so it comes as no surprise that a mall in Allentown, PA was quick to snatch him up. However, Jerry did have some demands including the use of a private shower, that his Santa pants be made out of silk, and that there must always be a ratio of 3 boys to every 1 girl sitting on his lap.

One can not help but root for Jerry Sandusky after he was unjustly crucified by the Zionist controlled media simply for sodomizing children. The Qur’an is very clear that sex with young boys is blessed, as it states in the book of Ja’far chapter 6 verse 12, “women are for breeding, boys are for fun”.

Think about it if Allah did not want men like Jerry Sandusky having sex with kids why would he make boys so hot and tight? Allahu Akbar!

As you can see in the photo above Santa Claus’ left hand is firmly planted on teen Nickelodeon star Victoria Justice’s ass.

Of course not only does Victoria Justice not seem to mind, she appears to be enjoying getting groped by Santa. Growing up as a child star in Hollywood, Victoria is probably accustomed to all manner of old perverts fondling her nubile body.

Victoria Justice is really asking for this sexual assault by dressing up like a Christmas hooker in this photo. Santa Claus is still a flesh and blood man with needs, and lets face it Mrs Claus isn’t getting any younger or tighter. It was inevitable that Santa would try to stick his candy cane up Victoria’s chimney. Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!

Santa has come early, and he brought pictures of Olivia Wilde’s ass in tights.

Of course I am not some heathen Christian, so I do not believe in Santa Claus. Us Muslims have a greatly superior benefactor in Ramadan Raheem. A kindly half goat half man who delivers fresh figs and humus to all the good little Muslim boys and girls, while righteously violently mutilating all the bad ones. It is quite whimsical.

That being said, Olivia Wilde’s butt does look spectacular in these pics. God bless the sodomite fashion designer who throw us straight guys a bone and made tights for women trendy. Maybe next year he can work on some sort of shirt with a window in the front. Call it a tit shirt or something. I don’t know it is just an idea.

Here is an early Christmas gift from Santa. Pics of Olivia Wilde’s booty in leggings.