Actor and comedian Dave Chappelle died early this morning from an apparent overdose of prescription painkillers. Dave Chappelle is survived by his wife Jada Pinkett and their 2 children Jaden and Willow.

Many may remember Dave Chappelle as the star of the “Men In Black” franchise as well as the movies “Hitch” and “I, Robot”. Growing up in Philadelphia, Chappelle’s first break in the entertainment industry was as a rapper, but his charisma was undeniable and he quickly became a star in both TV and movies.

Services are scheduled for Saturday, and Chappelle’s long time friend and confidant DJ Jazzy Jeff will be among those in attendance eulogizing this great entertainer.

Well this is just pathetic. In a move that reeks of desperation, the United States is pretending that they have killed Osama Bin Laden.

Of course the USA is lying as they are completely incompetent and couldn’t kill their way out of a wet paper bag, let alone hunt down a righteous Jihadist like Osama. Obviously the United States has gotten so desperate that they are resorting to lying about Osama’s death in the hope that he will reveal himself to prove that he is still alive.

Sorry you silly American twits, but Osama is not going to fall for your little ruse. All Muslims know in our hearts that Osama Bin Laden is alive and well, and probably plotting his next masterful terrorist move while sexing a big pile of hot ladies. Allahu Akbar!

Breaking News: Actor Charlie Sheen, who was rushed to a hospital Thursday morning with “severe abdominal pains”, died from what doctors are calling withdrawal like symptoms at 6:46am Pacific Standard Time.

Though details are still sketchy, early word is that Charlie Sheen’s death can be attributed to severe symptoms of withdrawal. Sheen was taken to a hospital for abdominal pains, which doctors quickly determined were being caused by a hooker’s clear high heel shoe shoved into the actor’s rectum. Once the shoe was removed Charlie Sheen stabilized and appeared to be out of the woods.

However, that was obviously not the case. Doctors wanted to hold Charlie Sheen for observation against the better judgment of his manager/whore wrangler Tony Fucelli. “I told dem guys Charlie needs his fix. He’ll die if they keep him here”, said a tearful Fucelli.

After nearly 6 hours without a whore Charlie Sheen went into withdrawal and quickly slipped into a coma. Doctors were unable to revive him and have pronounced him dead.

More on this story as it develops. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Charlie’s family and the millions of hookers, porn stars, and struggling actresses that counted on him to make ends meet.

Celeb Jihad has just confirmed that troubled actress Lindsay Lohan is dead… on the inside.

After years of late night partying, anonymous sex, and drug abuse Lindsay Lohan is now dead inside.

At one time Lohan was a vivacious redhead full of life, but gradually that life has been sucked out of her. Now with her impending incarceration doctors have pronounced Lindsay dead on the inside.

There is still hope for Lohan though. Many women who die on the inside have new exciting opportunities open up for them, and go on to live long meaningless lives. Why the whole adult entertainment industry is full of women who, like Lindsay Lohan, are dead on the inside.

The adult entertainment industry seems to be the perfect fit for the newly dead Lindsay. She can already kind of act, and we know she has had plenty experience pleasuring various men and women.

Yes Lindsay Lohan’s death marks a new and exciting turning point for her career. Now she can take load after load of hot porn star man juice to her face, and not at all be mentally effected. A skill few women possess.

Lindsay has been given a second chance let us hope she takes advantage of it.

George Steinbrenner, the owner of the New York Yankees died early today from a heart attack.

According to reports the Yankees have wasted no time in looking for a replacement to take over George Steinbrenner’s position. Sources within the organization have revealed that the team is actively pursuing a number of owners to replace George Steinbrenner as head of the Yankees organization.

The criteria the Yankees are using on this owner search is not unlike what they use when choosing which free agents to sign. They are looking for an owner with a lot of flash and little substance. It would be preferred if he has not won anything of significance in his career, and if they can over pay for his services.

Some of the front runners for the job are Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and Washington Redskins head man Daniel Snyder.

Captain Lou Albano has died. He was one of our favorite wrestlers. His Mario show sucked balls, but we still loved him. Plus, he kept the kids off drugs, as you can see from this old PSA.

So RIP Captain Lou. We hope you didn’t go to hell before you died, or after, for that matter.