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Captain Lou Albano has died. He was one of our favorite wrestlers. His Mario show sucked balls, but we still loved him. Plus, he kept the kids off drugs, as you can see from this old PSA.

So RIP Captain Lou. We hope you didn’t go to hell before you died, or after, for that matter.

Farrah Fawcett has died of cancer. She was 62. Although she clearly tested Allah by strolling around without a bra, much less a burqa, I can’t help but wonder if there were more deserving starlets harlots to smite.

Far be it from me to question the will of Allah the most wise, but I would think something as awful as anal cancer would be reserved for the likes of Heidi Pratt. On the other hand, if poor Farrah Fawcett had it this tough, I can only smile while I imagine what Allah the subduer has in store for the girl who committed the sin that is The Hills. I’m thinking vagina spiders.

At any rate, peace be upon you, Farrah Fawcett.