Celeb Jihad - The Only Celebrity Gossip Site Run by Islamic Extremists » pregnant

Katy Perry Pregnant Or Just Fat?

Durka Durka — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:34:43 +0000

Is pop star Katy Perry pregnant or just another fat American infidel woman?

As you can see in the photo above Katy Perry appears to have a large bump in her midsection. Whether that bump is a baby or just Taco Bell 7-layer burritos is still to be determined.

However, one thing is for certain I am definitely not the father of Katy Perry’s possible baby as I made sure she swallowed. You can never be too careful in this day and age, as infidel whores like Katy Perry will go to incredible lengths to procure a Muslim man’s seed.

Pregnant Selena Gomez To Star In MTV’s ‘Teen Mom 3′

Durka Durka — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 16:55:32 +0000

Selena Gomez was photographed leaving MTV’s headquarters in New York (looking extremely pregnant) after reportedly signing a deal to star in the new season of MTV’s hit series “Teen Mom”.

According to sources close to the situation Selena Gomez has signed a contract (in the high 4 figures) to appear on “Teen Mom 3″ along with other teen mom’s Destiny, Laquisha, and Starla.

The show will begin filming as soon as Selena gives birth, and will follow Selena through the trials and tribulations of being an unwed teen mother.

MTV maintains that though they give teen moms like Selena fame and money simply for having underage sex and getting knocked up, they are not glamorizing teen pregnancy.

However, one can not help but feel that MTV is simply part of a larger Zionist plot to increase the infidel birthrate to keep pace with that of us extremely virile Muslims. Of course no seed is as potent as that from a Muslim man, so their efforts are completely in vain.

Selena Gomez Finally Pregnant

Durka Durka — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 22:38:33 +0000

At 18 years old, Selena Gomez was always looked at as an “old maid” in the Mexican community for not having birthed at least one child. However, after years of perseverance having anonymous sex whenever she could get it, all that is about to change because Selena Gomez is pregnant!

Last night Selena was taken to the hospital complaining of headaches, nausea, and exceptionally smelly taco farts. After running some routine tests doctors determined that Selena Gomez is pregnant.

This is great news for the Gomez family as the baby is due to arrive around the time of the next lettuce harvest, and they could certainly use all the hands they can get. Selena Gomez’s mother, Consuela Gomez (who had Selena at 15 years of age) had this to say,

“I am extremely proudo of my little chalupa Selena for finally getting el prego. We hopeo that the baby is a boyo. Gracias!”

While speculation is rampant that Justin Bieber is the father of Selena’s baby we find that highly unlikely considering he is a homo and has tiny mouse balls. We’ll have more on this story as it develops.

James Van Der Beek & Girlfriend Expecting a Bastard Child

Jimmy Jihad — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 21:06:41 +0000

James Van Der Beek and his girlfriend, Kimberly Brook, are expecting a bastard child this fall, CelebJihad has confirmed.

The 33-year-old actor confirmed the putrid abomination against Allah on his Twitter. “Yes, it’s true – the woman I love and I are expecting our first child,” he defiantly wrote, mocking sharia law. “Experiencing joy on levels I never knew existed.”

Well, enjoy it while you can, because someday you will burn in hell for this sin, experiencing pain on levels you never knew existed.

I have not been this disgusted in a long time. It’s bad enough that the two have been fornicating out of wedlock, but to actually brag about such a sin on Twitter is beyond reprehensible.

While James is somewhat at fault, clearly Kimberly is to blame. If she had been at home wearing a burqa under the protection of her male relatives this never would have happened. Does James really want the mother of his child to be a woman who parades her naked face and arms around town like a whore?

In any case, it’s only a mater of time before Kimberly’s brothers and cousins try to stone her to death for the shame she has brought to their clan. This will not end well.

Selena Gomez Baby Bump?

Jimmy Jihad — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 19:49:59 +0000

Is Selena Gomez pregnant? While we can’t be certain, this picture from the set of her new movie, I’ll Spit On Your Corpse While I Piss On Your Grave IV, seems to show a noticeable baby bump.

Has Selena been running around with a man behind her girlfriend Taylor Swift‘s back, or have the two of them decided to have a child together with donated sperm? Or, perhaps Selena has just put on some weight? Only time will tell.

Evacuation Ordered for Kendra’s Vagina

Jimmy Jihad — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:25:17 +0000

A mandatory evacuation order is now in effect for anything living in the vicinity of Kendra Wilkinson vagina, officials announced on Wednesday.

The order, which was given due to the impending birth of Kendra’s child, is expected to affect more than 50 billion viral and bacterial residents of the vagina and countless other parasitic insects in the surrounding area.

“Anything that stays in that vagina is dead,” said a federal health official who wished to remain nameless. “When that baby hits, the whole area is going to be torn to smithereens.”

Previously, Kendra’s vagina was considered one of America’s pristine wetlands. But years of drilling and overuse have left it in shambles. It is feared that this birth may damage the vagina beyond repair, rendering the entire area worthless.

Robert Pattinson Is Pregnant

Durka Durka — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:52:19 +0000

Twilight beauty Robert Pattinson is pregnant!

A month ago we received reports that the Twilight star was expecting his first child. Never one to take such serious news at face value Celeb Jihad sent our best investigative journalist to get to the bottom of this story.

OK OK maybe we just payed a bum $20 to go through Robert Pattinson’s garbage. The point is we investigated. Anyway, it is not what we found in his garbage that will shock you, but what we did not find (though some would say the sheer volume of empty lip gloss containers is a bit shocking).

After a month of going through Robert Pattinson’s garbage we found not one used tampon! This basically confirms that Robert Pattinson is preggers!

The identity of the father is still in question, but our sources tell us it is none othr than Robert’s Twilight co-star the devastatingly handsome Kristin Stewart. But it could just as easily be any of other Hollywood leading men that Robert has been romantically linked too.

No word yet if Robert Pattinson’s pregnancy will affect the filming of the 3rd Twilight film, “Twilight 3: Bella’s Backdoor Banging” which is set to start filming in January.

Lisa Loeb Lets Her Baby “Stay”

Jimmy Jihad — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 12:00:09 +0000

Remember Lisa Loeb? Us either, but I guess she’s been knocked up by her husband, Roey Hershkovitz (I think he’s Italian).

“They’re excited to welcome their first child this winter,” Loeb’s manager told People Magazine.

We here at CelebJihad would like to congratulate the happy couple. We’re glad they decided to waive their legal right to an abortion and let the child “Stay.” Get it?! Ha!

Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant with Satan’s baby

Jimmy Jihad — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:59:12 +0000

People Magazine is reporting that “Kim Kardashian is going to be an aunt,” which is a hilariously backhanded way of saying that her older sister Kourtney is expecting her first child.

What must it be like to play second fiddle to a girl who probably can’t spell “fiddle?”

If the child is a boy, Kourtney should name it “Fredo,” in honor of Fredo Corleone, Michael Corleone’s no-talent older brother in The Godfather. Kourtney is to Kim what Fredo is to Michael. It’s an analogy, people! Remember the SATs? Oh, never mind.

No word yet on who the father is, but we’re going to go out on a limb and say it’s Satan, Prince of Darkness. If you’ll remember, Satan fathered a few of Anna Nicole Smith’s kids before she decided to take a dirt nap. Here’s hoping it turns out better for Kourtney, I guess.

Note: We couldn’t fit both Kourtney’s face and chest into the picture, so we cropped out her head and placed it next to her chest. Pretty smart, huh?

Matthew McConaughey Knocks Up His Girlfriend Again

kolecasey — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:43:40 +0000

Matthew McConaughey announced that his girlfriend Camila Alves is expecting their second child.

He posted the following on his website:

“Happy Father’s Day. It’s my first, and the last 11 months with Levi and Camila have been the most rewarding adventure to date,” McConaughey writes. “We have more blessed news to celebrate this Father’s Day that [will] make this time next year double the fun. Levi is going to be a big brother.”

Yes the man named his first child after a brand of jeans. I wonder what product he is going to endorse with the 2nd one. My guess is Cheetos.

McConaughey continued, “Yeah, we pulled off the greatest miracle in the world one more time, Camila and I are expecting our second child, bringing more life into the world”.

So according to McConaughey the “greatest miracle” is something that pretty much anyone in the world can do and happens numerous times every second. Also if there is one thing the earth really doesn’t need it is McConaughey bringing “more life into the world”. This planet can only sustain so many self-entitled twits. Just ask Al Gore.