Miley Cyrus shows why she is such an exceptional role model to young women everywhere by simulating oral sex on a true to life size cake of a Muslim’s penis.

What a thrill it must have been for Miley to have a visual representation of a Muslim’s manhood right before her eyes, especially since this cake penis looks like it tastes almost as sweet as us real Muslim men.

Miley once again has shown those that are lost the way to Allah, by lusting after this penis cake. She even demonstrates proper technique as it is stated in the Holy Qur’an that a woman must lick the balls before she is allowed to feast on the main course. Miley truly is a guiding light in the dark Western world.

As you can see in the picture above actress Katie Holmes is chocking back tears of pride after she gave her daughter Suri some penis gummy candies.

The first time a daughter takes a penis into her mouth is a big deal in the heathen Western culture, so it is understandable that Katie is so overcome by emotion at Suri reaching the milestone at such a young age.

Looking at this pic you can almost hear Suri thinking while looking at the candy penises she is about to devour that, “I’m going to be just like daddy!” Truly a touching scene and one which provides fascinating insight into the sick culture of the immoral kuffars. Allahu Akbar!

A naked picture of R&B singer Chris Brown has leaked to the Internet. Chris Brown is probably best known as the man who tried to straighten out Rihanna, but failed when she survived and reported him to the police.

Embarrassed by getting bested by a woman, Chris Brown obviously leaked this naked photo of himself to show off his manhood. Of course by Muslim standards Chris Brown’s penis is on the small side, but in the heathen West he is considered quite large. No doubt this showing of virility will win him back his fans who abandoned him after he failed to beat Rihanna properly, and now blame him for her current slutty behavior. Allahu Akbar!

While shooting a commercial for a video game about spouting gibberish into a microphone, American hero Hulk Hogan became intoxicated and showed his daughter Brooke Hogan his penis (probably not for the first or last time).

As you can see in the video below, Hulk Hogan is his usual blowhard American self, running his mouth about how great he is. When his daughter Brooke starts doing some “booty popping” next to her dad, Hulk checks out her ass and comments “mmm I might be able to do a little of that”.

In the next scene Hulk Hogan is already in an erotic frenzy and proceeds to pull out his dick while his daughter Brooke looks on with lustful eyes. See for yourself in the video below. The incest begins at the 1:10 mark.

Hulk Hogan like the millions of Americans who grew up idolizing him, is nothing more than a filthy degenerate pervert. You don’t see the real greatest wrestler of all time, The Iron Sheik, making sexual advances towards his daughter (and not just because the Sheik is pure testosterone and would never seed a feminine offspring).

John Mayer’s penis is at the center of a major controversy. When asked if he’d ever get with a black woman during a recent interview with Playboy magazine the singer revealed that,

“I don’t think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin’ David Duke c*ck. I’m going to start dating separately from my d*ck.”

As the backlash against John Mayer’s penis continues to grow it released this statement through its’ publicist to try and mediate the damage to its’ reputation. According to John Mayer’s penis,

“I am sad and hurt by the comments made by John Mayer about me in his recent Playboy interview. I really don’t even know where John was getting that white supremacist stuff from. I’m one of the most open-minded penises you’ll ever meet.

I’ve been in everything from women and men to animals and various warm casseroles. Sure I’ve never been in a “black”, but that’s only because they are all criminals with nappy hair, not because I am racist or anything. In fact I hangout with blacks all the time. Of course they usually get flushed before we get to know each other, but still at least I make the effort.”

Lady Gaga tucked her penis firmly between her legs while wearing this completely see-through dress.

Gaga the transgendered pop sensation went onstage to perform in just a transparent dress and thong. Her surgically and hormonally enhanced breasts can be clearly seen, but Lady Gaga was careful to tuck her yet to be removed penis.

Notice how Lady Gaga strikes the classic “mangina” stance when she is forced to stand up.

Naomi Campbell is a man. Or at the very least, Naomi Campbell has some form of penis.

This is an upskirt picture of Naomi Campbell on a balcony at some club. She is not wearing any panties and there is clearly some “thing” between her legs that should not be there.

The only question now is who’s penis is bigger, Naomi Campbell’s or Lady Gaga’s. Stereotypes would have you believe Naomi’s is bigger, but from what I’ve seen Lady Gaga is packing a monster lady penis.

No word yet if either girl is a grower or a shower.

Dear Brad,

What the fuck? What in God’s holy name are you doing to me? Have you lost your mind?

You’re Brad fucking Pitt! The Sexiest Man Alive! You have a gift for which any man would gladly give his left testicle. All you have to do is snap your fingers, and any woman on this planet will spread faster than Parkay (and if the statistics are correct, so will about 10% of the men).

Right now we could be in a hotel room with a dozen half-naked Victoria’s Secret models. We could be hanging out by Clooney’s pool with a bunch of bikini-clad Playmates! We could be picking a sorority house at random and then nailing every girl inside. But instead we’re in butt-fucking Namibia waiting for Billy Bob Thornton’s extra-sloppy seconds to squeeze out your kid. Smooth move, brainiac! This is much better than hanging out with Hef at the mansion. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Look, I‘m sorry if I‘m coming across as harsh. You’re a great guy, and I’m extremely lucky to be a part of you. But this isn’t the first time you’ve fucked up. A while back your dumb ass went and got engaged to Gwyneth Paltrow. Luckily we dodged a bullet when that fell through. No big deal; we all make mistakes. But instead of learning from those mistakes you went and got engaged again, this time to Jennifer Aniston. Now don’t get me wrong, I’d think getting married to a hot girl like Jennifer Aniston would be a great idea if I was Lyle Lovett’s penis, or if I was hanging between the legs of some schmuck like Ross Geller. But I’m Brad Pitt‘s penis, damn it! The world is my bearded clam! So excuse me if I get a little fucking annoyed when you go and throw it all away to be with Rachel from “Friends”.

Once you tied the knot with Aniston I thought we were fucked. But rather than let you squander their precious gift of limitless vagina, the gods saw fit to break us out of your self-imposed prison. In their wisdom they sent us Angelina Jolie, quite possibly the world’s most perfect home wrecker. She’s got an extremely hot body, she’s bi-sexual, and, best of all, her father has been quoted as saying that she has “serious emotional problems.” Bingo! Problem solved! I’ll have my fun with Angelina, your wife will leave us, and you’ll be a free man again. Get in, pull out, get on with your life! What could go wrong?

I‘ll tell you what could go wrong. Your dumb ass could fall in love with your fucking mistress. You might be the dumbest person on this whole godforsaken planet. I’m surprised you haven’t traded away your residuals from Ocean’s 11 for some magic fucking beans. Falling in love with your mistress is like paying an illegal immigrant a fair wage. It totally defeats the fucking purpose! You just don’t do it!

Then again, it looks like you never received the list of things you just don’t do. If you had, I’m sure you would have noticed the entry about not taking legal custody of your crazy-ass mistress’s third-world adoptees. It would have been a hard one to miss. It’s in big bold letters right near the top, just under “don’t fuck a monkey with AIDS” and just above “don‘t let a gay Scientologist knock you up.” It’s a real shame you missed that, because we could have avoided a lot of trouble. But now Angelina’s two little cock blocks are our headache too, you fucking dip-shit.

To be honest I feel sorry for the poor little bastards, especially the little Asian kid with the Mohawk. Not only is Angelina Jolie the only mother they‘ve ever known, but up until now the closest thing they’ve had to a father is that ugly Asian chick their mommy used to screw. They would have been better off taking their chances in Ethiopia, or Cambodia, or wherever the fuck they were from. Hell, the Asian kid might have become the next Pol Pot, but now he’ll probably just end up getting a sex change and going on “The Surreal Life”.

But you were not content with turning these third-world orphans into future Jay Leno punch lines. No, you decided that you needed to produce your own offspring with a bisexual suffering from “serious emotional problems.” Fan-fucking-tastic. That ought to do wonders for her figure, which just happens to be her only redeeming quality. Do you have any idea what it’s like having sex with a woman who’s given birth? It’s like fucking a bucket, man. You might as well just use me to hump a hallway. At least it won’t demand an explanation as to why I can’t climax.

That brings us to where we are today: Namibia. I know when I think of places with great medical care, Namibia is always first on my list. This is a country where it isn’t safe to piss without wearing a condom, so I’m sure it’s a great spot for birthing. Yeah, fuck Johns Hopkins. This game lodge surrounded by lions is just as good. You’re gonna be one hell of a father.

Look, you’re in charge here, and I’m just along for the ride. I don‘t agree with any of this, but there’s not much I can do to change your mind. Hell, Jon Voight says she’s crazy, and you won’t even listen to him. So I’m only gonna say this once. Someday when an even crazier Angelina Jolie’s once-perfect tits are hanging down to her knees and you are forced to make Ocean’s 17 to pay for your kid’s multiple rehab sessions, you’ll wish you could go back in time, pull your head out of your ass and start thinking with your cock. When that day comes, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Sincerely,
Brad Pitt’s Penis