Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers was caught on camera eye raping one of his female fans.
As the picture above clearly shows Nick Jonas’ lustful stare is raping one of his innocent adoring fans. It is because of disgusting perverts like Nick Jonas that the Qur’an in its infinite wisdom demands that all women wear a burka. When a woman refuses to wear a burka she is basically inviting sick horny sex fiends like Nick Jonas to ocularly violate them.
So ladies if you want to keep yourselves safe from Nick Jonas and his perverse mind I suggest you cover-up with a burka immediately. Plus wouldn’t you feel better knowing that a man is showing interest in you not because of your looks, but for more deeper meaningful reasons like your cooking ability, basket weaving prowess, or field plowing skills?
Just when I think Hollywood can’t stoop any lower, Nick Jonas proves me wrong.
While walking the red carpet at the Queen’s Theater in London, Jonas made a series of sexual hand gestures that were extremely demeaning toward woman. As the photo above clearly demonstrates, Nick is flashing a sign known as the “Reverse Shocker,” a sexual move which involves sticking two fingers into a woman’s vagina, and the remaining fingers and thumb into her anus.
Why Nick would choose to insult women like this is beyond me, especially given his predominately female fan base. Perhaps it’s just another case of a celebrity biting the hand that feeds him, or perhaps Nick is a latent homosexual who resents the masquerade he is routinely forced to perform. Either way, he should be ashamed of himself.
Puberty is a difficult time for most teens. Acne, cracked voices, and strange new feelings can make life extremely awkward. But at the end of the day, puberty is simply your body’s way of growing from a child to an adult. Besides, it happens to everyone….even teen heartthrob Justin Bieber!
That’s right, even Justin faces the challenges associated with puberty. And he wants to let all his fans know that if he can get through it, so can you. That’s why Justin sat down with us to share his wisdom on the subject! So, without further ado, here are Justin Bieber’s tips for surviving puberty.
1. Your balls are gonna grow all big and shit, so make sure to buy yourself some bigger drawers, yo.2. Your pits are gonna stink like my manager’s finger after one of our “coaching sessions.” So be sure to get some Axe for your pits.
3. If you start having a wet dream, ride that shit out. I had a wet dream with Usher in it and it was fantastic!
4. When dating a girl, the urge to explore her body is perfectly natural. I recommend using a hunting knife for exploring those hard to reach places, like the spleen.
5. It’s not a good idea to squeeze or pick at pimples. This practice only makes the acne worse. Try willing them away with the healing power of Kabalah.
6. Sometimes, for no reason, your penis will get hard. Just think about girls and it will go away.
7. During puberty, it’s important to develop your own look. Keep up with the latest fashions and hairstyles by checking magazines like Cosmo and Ranger Rick.
8. Girls who are on their periods should stay within an airtight container for the duration of their
menstruation. Vampires can smell that shit a mile away.9. A girl’s breasts will begin to develop generally between the ages of 8 and 11, so make sure to tap that ass before then. Titties be gross.
10. It’s completely normal to have homosexual thoughts during puberty…at least that’s what Nick Jonas told me during that unforgettable night in Orlando.
For the second time in 2 weeks, Nick Jonas was caught picking his nose. This time it was on the set of the new Jonas Brothers music video for their upcoming single “I Spit She Swallows”.
As you can see in the picture above Nick Jonas is once again up to his wrist searching for snot crystals. However, once again we have failed to capture photographic evidence of Nick Jonas eating them. Nick Jonas appears to be so adept at plugging holes though, maybe BP should send him to the Gulf of Mexico to see what he can do about this whole oil leak thing.
While Nick Jonas nose picking intentions will remain a mystery for now, I am hopeful that one day we’ll be able to capture Nick Jonas eating his boogers on film. For now that photo will remain as elusive as a clear picture of Big Foot, or a picture of Kelly Clarkson looking skinny.
Nick Jonas was caught picking his nose on the set of the new Jonas Brothers movie “Balls Deep 4″.
As you can see from the picture above Nick Jonas was furiously digging for nose nuggets, but for what purpose? Was he going to wipe them on that lady with the camera next to him, or was he looking for a late afternoon snack to get him through the day?
No one can say for sure what Nick’s intentions were while digging around in his nostrils like a hungry raccoon rips through a garbage can, but what we can say for certain is that Nick Jonas is a vile ill-mannered boy who isn’t fit for decent society.
Earlier today Nick Jonas threw on his most gay tank top and jumped on board the SS Penis for an extremely low budget gay cruise.
Nick Jonas came out of the closet, more or less, last week when he was photographed prancing around with a male purse or “murse”. Ever since then the runt of the Jonas Brothers litter has become more bold in his gayness.
Nick’s gayness is quite understandable since he has been forced to sing and act since childhood, but what is not forgivable is his cheapness. Nick Jonas is a famous celebrity with millions of dollars he should be able to afford a much more extravagant and flamboyant cruise than this.
I’m sure there is a certain appeal to a gay man being packed on a small boat with a bunch of other dudes, but wouldn’t Nick have a better time on a more spacious ship were he can run around on his tippy-toes with pink feathers trying to tickle the other boys? I mean I seriously doubt that clunker of a ship he is on has the capacity to make more than a few mojitos an hour, and I really doubt it even has a spanking station in case a boy gets too naughty.
Nick Jonas has got to realize that being gay is not easy, and you have to invest the money to do it right if you are going to be successful at it.
Well when you are wrong you are wrong, and boy was I wrong about Nick Jonas. In the past I have suggested that singing sensation Nick Jonas may in fact be a gay, which resulted in angry comments from Nick’s teen girl fans explaining to me that Nick can not possibly be gay because he is “awesome” and that they are planning on marrying him.
Needless to say that I feel pretty foolish now that I’ve seen this picture of Nick Jonas with his man-purse or “murse”. He is the picture of heterosexuality with that thing tossed over his feminine shoulders. I can pretty much guarantee that he uses it for storing firewood, ninja weapons, and shark meat and definitely not for carry around his makeup compact, lip gloss, and lube for getting railed by numerous dudes.
Yes, Nick Jonas is most definitely not gay. He is all about putting things in vaginas. Who knows maybe he’ll shove his murse up a lucky lady. He is just manly enough to do it.
