Celeb Jihad - The Only Celebrity Gossip Site Run by Islamic Extremists » Miami

Brooklyn Decker’s Shameful Bikini Pics

Durka Durka — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 21:02:56 +0000

Just as the Kelly Clarkson swimsuit pictures we posted earlier today represent the American aesthetic, these pictures of Brooklyn Decker in a bikini illustrate what us Muslims consider to be a pleasing woman’s body (of course her body should be peppered with hair but this is close enough).

Though Brooklyn Decker may have the body of a Muslim woman, she lacks the moral decency. It is never OK for a woman to wear a bikini, for the female body is shameful and an abomination in the eyes of Allah.

Brooklyn Decker needs to learn that even though she is not attractive to Americans because she is not an enormous fat ass with cellulite, it does not mean she can prance around in public mostly naked.

Not only do these bikini pics show a complete lack of respect for Allah, but they also may cause lustful urges in the loins of pious Muslim men which is forbidden under Sharia law. Unless Brooklyn Decker wishes to face a morality hearing I suggest she trade in this bikini for a burka immediately.

Kim Kardashian Stomps Reggie Bush’s Dog to Death

Jimmy Jihad — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 20:55:33 +0000

Left: Kim Kardashian | Right: Lil' Reggie

Kim Kardashian was arrested and accused of animal abuse after she allegedly stomped Reggie Bush’s beloved dog to death.

Miami police said they were called to Kardashian’s hotel Wednesday after a member of the cleaning staff brought the body of a dead dog to animal control officers. The dog, a small Pomeranian mix by the name of “Lil’ Reggie,” had severe head trauma. Kardashian had been watching the dog while Bush was in New York.

Police were told that Kardashian picked up the dog and threw it down on the ground after she learned that Reggie had been spotted with another woman at a New York nightclub. Authorities said Kardashian continued to stomp on the dog’s neck until it stopped moving. Guests of the hotel reported hearing Kardashian “laughing manically” around the time of the incident.

This is not Kardashian’s first encounter with animal abuse charges. In 2008, Kardashian was arrested in Compton after setting a baby raccoon on fire. Later that year authorities raided the Kardashian home and discovered hundreds of animals crowded together in foul-smelling conditions as well as dozens of puppy carcasses in a freezer.

Obviously Kim is a very sick girl. Let’s hope she gets the help she needs.

Blake Lively In A Bikini Being A Perv

Durka Durka — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:49:45 +0000

Blake Lively the star of the CW show “Gossip Girl” was caught looking down girls’ shirts in her bikini in Miami this weekend.

Lively was photographed out on her hotel balcony pretending to talk on her cell phone, so she could look out over the side and see down busty women’s tops. This is the oldest trick in the book and one I have personally implemented numerous times with great success. What Blake fails to realize though is that she is a busty woman herself. She could easy look at and in fact fondle her own lushes breasts to her heart’s content. She doesn’t need to go perving on a balcony! Sadly like most women Blake is too stupid to realize this.

If Blake wants to not get busted next time she goes peeping on girls from a balcony she should try wearing something less conspicuous than a black bikini. I suggest a trench coat, aviators, and a Dick Tracy type hat from the 1930′s. That way if anyone sees her peeping they’ll assume she is a detective trying to crack the big case.

50 Cent And Michael Bay Bang Some Groupies

Durka Durka — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:26:36 +0000

CelebJihad has just received these exclusive photos of 50 Cent and “Transformers” director Michael Bay picking up some floozies to take on the next available train to Pound Town.

Since I am an expert on picking up slutty women at clubs, (I lure them back to my place with promises of sex then when we get there I chastise them for being whores and beat them with the Qur’an), I will be providing the captions to explain how the night unfolded.

Girl #1 whose name is probably Violet Booberton hears that the dorky looking guy in the black shirt is someone from Hollywood so she jumps all over him.

Violet paws at Michael Bay because she is classless and knows no other way to show interest in a man.

Violet gives Michael Bay a “handy” while he does his impression of a pedophile smile.

Violet Booberton finds out that the black man in the jaunty suit is not Michael Bay’s slave but rather a famous rapper, so she immediately smashes her boobs into him.

50 Cent ignores the black woman as there are white and/or latina chicks interested in him now.

Violet trying to decide which guy would be most likely to call her the next day (the answer is neither) so she can pawn her friend Rebecca Witchface off on the other.

Violet chooses Michael Bay, and he shows her the iPhone that he is going to shove up her snatch later.

50 Cent thinking racism is a bitch as Rebecca Witchface gets pushed towards him.

A depressed 50 Cent turns back to the black girl next to him as Rebecca Witchface angles for a 3some. Michael Bay again does his creepy pedophile smirk.