Due to the prospect of mounting legal bills, former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky announced he was coming out of retirement to begin a new career as a shopping mall Santa Claus.

Sandusky is the perfect candidate for the job of mall Santa as his enthusiasm for having kid’s on his lap is unrivaled, so it comes as no surprise that a mall in Allentown, PA was quick to snatch him up. However, Jerry did have some demands including the use of a private shower, that his Santa pants be made out of silk, and that there must always be a ratio of 3 boys to every 1 girl sitting on his lap.

One can not help but root for Jerry Sandusky after he was unjustly crucified by the Zionist controlled media simply for sodomizing children. The Qur’an is very clear that sex with young boys is blessed, as it states in the book of Ja’far chapter 6 verse 12, “women are for breeding, boys are for fun”.

Think about it if Allah did not want men like Jerry Sandusky having sex with kids why would he make boys so hot and tight? Allahu Akbar!

Ever since we broke the story that Selena Gomez is a lesbian, teenage girls all over the country have been converting to the “dyke side”. This wave of newly transformed lesbians descended upon a mall were Selena Gomez was doing a Q&A (and probably some light fingering) for a radio station.

As soon as the cunt hungry mob got a whiff of Selena Gomez’s muff they were whipped into a feeding frenzy and charged towards the Disney star. Selena looked on and laughed as her fans were badly injured trampling over each other trying to get a piece of her sweet cherry pie. Police and firefighters had to be called in to control the mob and extract the wounded.

When asked for a comment about this horrific incident mall event coordinator Carol Barkley said “This is tragic. I haven’t seen this many lesbians go down on each other since I was invited to a party at Ellen’s.”