We all know Kendra Wilkinson from her days as a high-class prostitute to the sultan of skanks, Hugh Hefner, but did you know that she also dances for money on the show Dancing with the Stars?
Correction: danced for money, because last night the judges wisely kicked her off the show.
You see, Kendra is married to Hank Baskett who is a “free agent” in the NFL, aka unemployed. And even though we all know it is a man’s duty to support his wives, he chose to force Kendra into slave labor rather than get a real job. Pathetic.
The 25-year-old told People magazine about her disappointment in having to go back to her lazy husband. “I’m going to miss the glamorous life – the best hair and makeup, the best costumes, the best partner.”
Things that she should have been provided by her husband. But when asked for a response, Hank replied that he is proud of his wife and her strength— dangerous accolades to give any woman, as they should remain humble and loyal. “I give her props,” he explained. “I told her that the best thing about it is she showed the world how incredible of a woman she is.”
Let this be a lesson ladies: If you want a husband who will provide for you, make sure you don’t choose one who is as much of a pussy as Hank Baskett.
Producers of “Jersey Shore” confirmed today that cast member Jenni “JWoww” Farley has been infested with bed bugs. Parts of reality star, including her head and inner thighs, have been found to be harboring the parasites, prompting a quarantine from the rest of the cast.
JWoww is the latest victim of an epidemic that has been rampaging through the world of reality television over the summer. The bugs wreaked havoc in the Kardashian household when they were found to be nesting behind Bruce Jenner’s tightly-wound skin. The pests also caused a stir on the set of “Kendra,” when it was discovered that her eight-month-old child had been completely hollowed out by the creatures, leaving only a mummified outer shell of calcified skin.
“I can’t stand these bloodsuckers,” said a reality television producer who wished to remain anonymous. “And now that they have bed bugs, it’s even worse.”
A mandatory evacuation order is now in effect for anything living in the vicinity of Kendra Wilkinson vagina, officials announced on Wednesday.
The order, which was given due to the impending birth of Kendra’s child, is expected to affect more than 50 billion viral and bacterial residents of the vagina and countless other parasitic insects in the surrounding area.
“Anything that stays in that vagina is dead,” said a federal health official who wished to remain nameless. “When that baby hits, the whole area is going to be torn to smithereens.”
Previously, Kendra’s vagina was considered one of America’s pristine wetlands. But years of drilling and overuse have left it in shambles. It is feared that this birth may damage the vagina beyond repair, rendering the entire area worthless.
Celeb Jihad has just learned that Playboy is threatening to unleash a naked Heidi Montag in their September issue. The sight of that horse faced slut showing off her flappy vag will no doubt cause wide spread panic and nausea.
Early reports indicate that this is Hugh Hefner seeking revenge on a world he no longer loves. Our sources close to Hef tell us that he has been extremely bitter ever since he lost his 3 methed-up “girlfriends”. He is especially incensed that the one named Kendra went off with a “colored”.
