Can you guess the hottie in the leather boots and tight skinny jeans in the photo above? Why it is none other than the eldest Jonas Brother, Kevin Jonas!
As you can see in the gif below Kevin Jonas looks sexy as ever showing off his soft lily white dough boy body, his Jew fro flowing in the wind as he prances off to a late night rendezvous (no doubt to sex some ladies).
Can you believe an Adonis like Kevin Jonas was able to save himself until his wedding night? With those all-American good looks he could of spilled more seed than a poorly designed bird feeder catering exclusively to epileptic sparrows.
Joe Jonas shocked spectators at the Special Olympics by competing in every event until he finally won a medal in the coloring within the lines competition.
Why Joe Jonas was even allowed to compete at the Special Olympics is beyond me, but rumor has it that he may have forged documents and bribed Olympic officials.
Upon winning his coloring Special Olympics medal Joe Jonas reportedly shouted a string of obscenities to the competitors, and told them all to “suck it”. Joe Jonas then proceeded to take a few victory laps around the stadium proclaiming “I’m a big man!” and “I’m the best in the world! Whoo!” Joe also put on an “iWin” t-shirt and hat to further mock his vanquished opponents.
Joe Jonas should be ashamed of himself for competing against these mongrels. The Qur’an is very clear that those who are abnormal should be shunned, not competed against to increase your feeling superiority. Shame on you Joe Jonas!
Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers was caught on camera eye raping one of his female fans.
As the picture above clearly shows Nick Jonas’ lustful stare is raping one of his innocent adoring fans. It is because of disgusting perverts like Nick Jonas that the Qur’an in its infinite wisdom demands that all women wear a burka. When a woman refuses to wear a burka she is basically inviting sick horny sex fiends like Nick Jonas to ocularly violate them.
So ladies if you want to keep yourselves safe from Nick Jonas and his perverse mind I suggest you cover-up with a burka immediately. Plus wouldn’t you feel better knowing that a man is showing interest in you not because of your looks, but for more deeper meaningful reasons like your cooking ability, basket weaving prowess, or field plowing skills?
The Internet is in a tizzy over rumors that Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers was just arrested for prostitution.
According to preliminary reports, Joe Jonas was arrested at 4:15am this morning at the corner of Sunset and La Brea in Los Angeles, and charged with prostitution. Police are alleging that Joe Jonas entered a vehicle in furtherance of his solicitation bid (said car apparently being operated by an undercover cop). Joe Jonas is also being charged with a second misdemeanor for loitering in a public place “with the intent to commit prostitution.”
If these rumors prove to be true we can not help but think this desperate act of man-whoring may be related to Joe Jonas’ crack addiction. Joe has been on a downward spiral for years now, let us hope this is the wake up call he needs to turn his life around. Allahu Akbar!
Breaking News: Justin Bieber has been attacked at a concert in Atlanta, CelebJihad has confirmed. (Scroll down for the shocking video!)
Bieber had just finished a song and was addressing the crowd when a deranged fan lobbed what appeared to be a Molotov Cocktail at the popstar. Miraculously, the explosive did not detonate, but Bieber was struck in the head by the device and had to be rushed to a nearby hospital.
An 11-year-old girl was taken into custody after the attack. Police have not released the suspect’s name, citing her status as a minor. But a source close to the department informed us that she was dressed head-to-toe in Jonas Brothers gear, and was also sporting a red bandanna. Red is the color of the Bloods, a notorious LA street gang who have long been associated with the Jonas Brothers. Bieber is a known associate of their arch rivals, the Crips.
Reports indicated that Bieber is in stable condition, and sustained only non-life threatening injuries. However, doctors fear Justin may have injured her uterus during the attack, which could seriously hinder her ability to have children. Such an injury would make her unsuitable for marriage, thereby invalidating her as a person.
Less than a week after turning 18, Selena Gomez was spotted sunbathing topless while at a beach with the Jonas Brothers.
As the disgusting photo above clearly demonstrates, Selena has lost her moral compass and is using her newfound “adulthood” as an excuse to be a total whore.
While I will give Selena credit for not getting topless in front of any heterosexual men, she has got to learn that being a woman isn’t about parading yourself like a sex object. It’s about obediently serving your husband with your fellow wives and bearing him as many children as possible before your uterus falls out.
At a recent concert in Stockton, CA, Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers rose and spoke of an earlier time in his life.
“We have learned something important since the days that I served in Vietnam,” Joe said to the group of pre-teen girls in attendance. “Whatever we think about the war, whatever we call it — Afghanistan or Iraq — we owe our military men and women unconditional support.”
There was one problem: Joe Jonas never served in Vietnam. In fact, Joe Jonas had not even been born at the time of the conflict, according to records.
In an interview on Monday, Jonas said that he had misspoken about his service during the concert and might have misspoke on other occasions. “My intention has always been to be completely clear and accurate and straightforward, out of respect to the veterans who served in Vietnam,” he said.
This is not the first time Joe Jonas has be accused of lying about Vietnam. In 2007, he addressed a crowd outside a Gap Kids in Orange County, CA, where about 100 families had gathered. “When I returned (from Vietnam), I saw nothing like this,” Jonas said. “Let us do better by this generation of men and women.”
At a 2008 Kids Choice Awards after party, he praised the audience for paying tribute to troops fighting abroad, noting that America had not always done so. He also spoke openly about the “gook-ear necklace” he supposedly obtained during his nonexistent service.
