At a recent concert in Stockton, CA, Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers rose and spoke of an earlier time in his life.
“We have learned something important since the days that I served in Vietnam,” Joe said to the group of pre-teen girls in attendance. “Whatever we think about the war, whatever we call it — Afghanistan or Iraq — we owe our military men and women unconditional support.”
There was one problem: Joe Jonas never served in Vietnam. In fact, Joe Jonas had not even been born at the time of the conflict, according to records.
In an interview on Monday, Jonas said that he had misspoken about his service during the concert and might have misspoke on other occasions. “My intention has always been to be completely clear and accurate and straightforward, out of respect to the veterans who served in Vietnam,” he said.
This is not the first time Joe Jonas has be accused of lying about Vietnam. In 2007, he addressed a crowd outside a Gap Kids in Orange County, CA, where about 100 families had gathered. “When I returned (from Vietnam), I saw nothing like this,” Jonas said. “Let us do better by this generation of men and women.”
At a 2008 Kids Choice Awards after party, he praised the audience for paying tribute to troops fighting abroad, noting that America had not always done so. He also spoke openly about the “gook-ear necklace” he supposedly obtained during his nonexistent service.
As we reported a few weeks ago, Demi Lovato was hospitalized with scratch marks and bruises from reportedly falling down a flight of stairs.
However, we have now obtained exclusive security camera footage from Demi Lovato’s hospital admission. As you can see a clearly distraught Demi Lovato tries to take her own life by injecting a syringe full of urine into her chest cavity. Luckily a male nurse is there to trick her into prolonging her miserable life long enough for the hospital to bill her insurance company.
In the video you might notice that Demi’s parents keep calling her “Hailey”. You may think this is to ensure Demi’s anonymity at the hospital, but we have discovered that the older couple in this video are not Demi’s parents at all!
Our best guess is that they are swingers Demi picked up on Craigslist’s casual encounters W4MW section. That would explain why they don’t know Demi’s real name and the obvious lust in her supposed “mother’s” eyes.
Demi Lovato is a filthy street walker temptress! In the video below Demi was caught trying to steal Joe Jonas’ man juice for her own sick kicks.
As you can clearly see in the video, Demi Lovato grazes Joe Jonas’ crotch which causes him to erupt into a dangerous erotic frenzy. Joe proceeds to hump the air furiously, until we can only assume he finishes in his pants. This was an extremely dangerous event because if a more attractive girl then Demi Lovato was in the area she may have been raped on the spot!
Demi should be ashamed and severely punished for erotically stimulating Joe Jonas like this. Joe Jonas has made a pledge to not share his manly essence with anyone but Allah. However a dirty little harlot like Demi can not help but try and steal it for her cavernous womb.
Joe Jonas was photographed handing a large black man money as he reaches into his pocket to produce something. What possible reason could Joe Jonas have for breaking the Jonas Brother oath of racial purity and interacting with a black man?
Was he contributing to the man’s college fund? Doubtful. Was he investing in the man’s sun glass kiosk at the mall? Not likely. Was he purchasing crack rock to smoke with his bottom bitch Tosha in the alley behind a Taco Bell. Probably!
Frankly, would anyone be surprised if Joe Jonas turned to drugs? It can not be easy for him being constantly referred to as “the ugly one”. Imagine having to grow up in the shadow of your big brother Kevin’s devastatingly handsome receding hair line Jew fro, pear shaped body, and lily white skin.
Joe Jonas may be entering a downward spiral of drugs, despair, and handjobs and I don’t think anyone can save him now. Let us hope he survives rock bottom and can battle his demons the right way.
Demi Lovato was admitted to a hospital last night with two black eyes, cracked ribs, scratches on her arms and face, and a torn labia. Did her boyfriend Joe Jonas go all Chris Brown on her and beat her up? Of course not!
According to the hospital report when Demi was asked how she got hurt her eyes filled with tears and she exclaimed “He didn’t mean it… I fell down some stairs.” Luckily for Demi her boyfriend Joe Jonas found her after her fall and brought her to the hospital, but not before scrapping his knuckles while lifting her up.
Demi Lovato needs to be more careful. Next time she falls down some steps her amazing boyfriend Joe Jonas might not be there to rescue her. Maybe she can take a dance class or something to improve her balance.
We here at Celeb Jihad have received a lot of flack from smart mouthed teen girls with low self-esteem and even lower spelling skills, ever since we suggested that singer, actor, and all around fancy boy Joe Jonas might be gay or at the very least play for both teams.
Well as if to say “hey you nasty boys at Celeb Jihad I am soooo straight and love women parts” Joe Jonas squeezed into some short shorts and went on a man-date to go buy smoothies.
It takes a big man to admit when you are wrong, so let me be the first to apologize to Joe Jonas and his fans for ever suggesting he was a gay. I now see how awesomely straight he is, and am convinced that after him and his male companion finished off their smoothies they went and sexed a boat load of women. There is no way in hell that they went back to Joe’s place and had a tickle fight, blew each other, then fed each other fresh strawberries out on the lanai.
After months of negotiations Joe Jonas has appeared to finally come to an agreement with Demi Lovato to be her “beard”. A beard is someone of the opposite sex who dates an obvious homosexual to help them hide the fact that they are gay.
Gay celebrities often use beards to mask their true sexual preferences *cough *cough Tom Cruise. Being a celebrity’s beard can be quite lucrative. No word yet on how much Joe Jonas stands to clear for pretending to date Demi Lovato though. Of course it is entirely possible that this is a mutually beneficial relationship in which both Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas are acting as each others’ beards a la the infamous Taylor Swift Taylor Lautner relationship.
One thing is abundantly clear though, there is absolutely no chemistry or sexual attraction between Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato. Just look at the photo above and tell me which one is the real couple?
