Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has lashed out at those who call her fat sister Jessica fat.
Speaking to Women’s Health magazine, Ashlee said, “It’s disgusting that people would say those things. My fat sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she’s one sexy fat lady.”
We here at CelebJihad would like to apologize to Ashley Simpson-Wentz for calling her fat sister fat. We would also like to apologize to Jessica Simpson for calling her stupid sister Ashley an annoying cancer on the colon that is the entertainment industry.
Has Jessica Simpson finally found a new man who can become sick of her shit and dump her? Apparently so, Jessica is rumored to be hooking up with Gerard Butler.
Jessica and Gerard both dined out at Soho House in NYC on Tuesday night and they seemed to be getting very cozy with each other.
A source says, “They were at a table with friends, but Jessica and Gerard, who sat next to each other, seemed to only be interested in each other and chatted for hours. They were laughing and flirting and eventually left together.”
This is not at all surprising Gerard Butler likes to take home a fattie every once and while for a good old fashioned pump and dump. Helps keep him in shape. Jessica Simpson will surely be an emotional wreck when he inevitably stops calling.
If you are like me then you are probably pretty depressed about Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy being taken by a coyote, and no matter how many coyotes you torture and kill you just can’t get over your depression.
Well luckily Jessica Simpson feels our pain. According a Simpson insider, “Daisy was her baby. It’s going to put her into a tailspin. It will put her into the worst place ever.”
We’ll get through this together Jessica! Whenever I am feeling blue I like to look at this picture of your bare ass. It has gotten me through some tough times. Maybe you should try it, or at the very least you could take some pictures of your butt and send them too me. I am feeling awfully low.
Jessica Simpson watched her dog get snatched by a coyote on Monday. Simpson still believes her beloved dog Daisy isn’t coyote food yet despite reports to the contrary.
Jessica posted this message on Twitter:
“Still holding out hope despite the assholes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby…why would I stop searching? I’m a mom.”
Well it turns out Jessica is right. The coyote who took the dog has provided Celeb Jihad with his ransom demands. We ask that everyone help make Jessica aware of these, or her dog may be killed.
The coyote’s demands are as follows:
- 10 ACME Rocket Packs
- 2 pair ACME Rocket Shoes
- 1 Oversized ACME Bear Trap
- 1 Dead Roadrunner
- And to see Jessica Simpson’s tits
Celeb Jihad has found Jessica Simpson’s missing dog “Daisy”.
Yesterday a distraught Jessica Simpson went on Twitter and posted a panicked tweet for help.
“My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!”
Not one to stand ideally by while a beautiful buxom blonde is in need of assistance I immediately set out to track the dog-napping coyote.
I picked up its trail outside of Simpson’s residence and followed it out into the desert. After nearly 24-hours of pursuit, and the senseless slaughter of numerous coyotes I thought looked like they could be the one, I finally came upon the coyote that took Jessica’s dog.
Luckily I had gotten there just in time as the coyote had just released the dog. Of course I snapped its neck anyway just for causing Jessica distress.
Anyway here is a pic Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy I rescued from the coyote. I’ll be happy to bring it back to her when I receive the reward money.
Jessica Simpson looks like a broken woman in Brazil filming her new reality show, “The Price of Beauty”. In the show Jessica travels around the world interviewing women about what they have to go through to look good. Presumably she is trying to pick up her tips for herself because she has been falling apart lately and she knows it.
Jessica you don’t need to travel around the world hearing “lose weight” in a bunch of different language you don’t understand. I’ll spell it out for you in English. Eat more chicken of the sea and less chicken from KFC.
Saggers: Noun. A woman’s breasts that hang low like that of an elderly woman.
Jessica Simpson showed off some majors saggers while modeling an ugly dress yesterday. Jessica is certainly not aging well. She is not even 30 and already her titties are hanging around her pelvic area. I think it is time for her to contact that sodomite plastic surgeon Dr 90210 for a little anti gravity treatment.
No matter what happens this football season Tony Romo has got to feel like a winner.
