The video above is a compilation of the “hottest” car wash scenes, featuring actresses like Cameron Diaz, Denise Richards, Liv Tyler, and Jessica Simpson.
While I enjoy watching women performing manual labor as much as the next guy, these girls appear to not know the first thing about cleaning automobiles! They are missing spots, endangering the paint job with their hard nipples, and almost certainly leaving streaks due to improper rinsing.
As this video shows, car washes are certainly no place for women. They should be put to work doing less complicated tasks like digging wells, tilling the fields, and having babies.
Jessica Simpson is in desperate need of a milking as her exposed udder appears ready to burst.
The primitive infidels once again show their ignorance by not recognizing that fat pregnant sluts like Jessica Simpson need their titties drained regularly or they will pop.
The US is on the brink of a natural disaster as Jessica Simpson’s enormous breasts are about to rupture which will cause incalculable damage as her rancid baby milk spews forth flooding the streets and contaminating the water supply as it makes its way down into the aquifers.
Jessica Simpson announced her (fake) pregnancy yesterday by tweeting a photo of her daughter Maxwell next to the words “BIG SIS”.
Every Muslim knows that at 32-years-old Jessica Simpson is well past her fertile years, and her withered husk of a womb is incapable of birthing a child. Clearly Jessica Simpson is just pretending to be pregnant again, so that she can return to being a tremendous fat ass.
After an appropriate amount of time Jessica Simpson will probably steal a baby from one of the white trash meth heads that litter the American countryside. Then she will sign another multimillion dollar endorsement deal with a weight loss program which she is far too gluttonous and lazy to ever complete.
Jessica Simpson shows off her post-pregnancy fat titty cleavage in the disgusting photo above.
Holstein cows have smaller udders than Jessica Simpson. Her baby must have lady milk coming out of its ears when it sucks on these monsters.
Jessica Simpson’s enormous bosom is an affront to Islam. Us Muslim demand that she be pumped dry and her titties either be removed or taped down, or the West will feel our wrath… and it will be most wrathful!
Jessica Simpson has finally given birth to her first child, a 327 lbs baby girl named Maxwell Drew Johnson.
As you can see in this exclusive first photo of Jessica Simpson’s baby girl Maxwell, she has her father’s good looks and receding hairline, and her mother’s nose and enormous gut.
Amazingly at just one day old Maxwell can already walk, and recite the Taco Bell drive-thru menu. In fact “7-layer burrito” was her first words, which she uttered a mere hour after entering the world.
OMG Jessica Simpson is such a bimbo! Can you believe she went out in public, but forgot to wear pants? I mean how stupid is she?
Jessica Simpson is going to be so embarrassed when she realizes that she doesn’t have any pants on, and her old, well-used, barren vagina is just out there flapping in the wind.
Hopefully Jessica Simpson realizes she is not wearing pants before she comes across some “urban” youths because seeing a chunky, blonde haired, white girl with no pants is entrapment, and they will not be able to resist running a train on her (especially if they are on the reefer).
Everyone needs to cut loose every once in a while, and if I had the type of decade that Jessica Simpson had, there’s a decent chance I would be in a VIP room with a needle in my arm and a handle of vodka trying to figure out what the hell has become of my life.
Sooooo, it’s hard to fault her for getting a little (read: insanely) tipsy during a night out for sushi. Maybe she just ate some bad blowfish or something. Or maybe she drank an entire box of sake because their server’s name was Nick. Whatever.
Today she’s probably lying in bed with an ice pack on her head, wondering what became of her country music career and if they’re really gonna do that Dukes of Hazard sequel. Which will cause her to drink again. It’s a vicious cycle. I have a bad feeling that when Jessica drinks, there is a two-in-three chance that she will call her new fiance either Tony or Nick. The only way it will get better is if he changes his name to one of those two.
