After losing to the New England Patriots on Sunday, Denver Broncos’ quarterback and devout Christian Tim Tebow is reportedly now questioning his faith in the Jew God Jesus.
After completing a remarkable run in which the Broncos won 6 straight games in miracle fashion, Tebow appeared to be receiving some divine intervention. However, even with Jesus on his side, Tebow and the Broncos came up short against the Patriots, and now Tebow is wondering if he didn’t back the wrong God.
Tebow is reportedly considering switching his allegiance to Islam. According to a source, “Tebow just believes that the Christian God can only take him so far, and going into the playoffs he is going to need a stronger and more masculine God on his side if he is going to win it all”.
Obviously us Muslims would welcome Tim Tebow into our faith as he is a great athlete and his enormous arms could easily crush many a Jew skull. If Tebow does the right thing and converts to Islam I will guarantee that Allah will smite those who oppose him and he will win the Super Bowl. Allahu Akbar!
As you can see in the photo above actress and unwed shrew Jennifer Love Hewitt has finally seen the light, rejected the false Jew God Jesus, and accepted Allah as her lord and master by covering her body and face with a burka.
Jennifer Love Hewitt joins Miley Cyrus and Hayden Panettiere as the only stars in all of heathen Hollywood with enough sense to convert to the one true religion, Islam.
Now that Jennifer Love Hewitt is a Muslim she will soon find meaning in her pathetic excuse for a life. In the past she has shown promise with her ample bosom, and she may find work as a concubine to a virile Muslim man. However, Love Hewitt must not get her hopes up that a Muslim will take her as one of his wives as she is clearly well past her prime. Allahu Akbar!
Believe it or not the woman in the photo above is not a degenerate disease-ridden street-walking whore looking to suck off John’s for $20 a pop, but rather infidel country music star Taylor Swift.
Once again Taylor Swift has set a terrible example for her fans by whoring out her body in the ridiculously slutty outfit above. It says a lot about the depravity of a country that a woman dressed like Taylor Swift is in the photo above is not immediately and brutally stoned in the streets.
It is hard to even say what part of Taylor’s outfit is the most offensive as it is all so awfully slutty. It could be the blue bag obviously stuffed with sex toys, or her disgusting milky white legs perched on top of red shoes, but probably the worst part of this outfit is the mustard yellow skirt that clearly signals that Taylor Swift is in to “watersports” in the bedroom.
Needless to say Taylor Swift is one infidel whore who never fails to offend my pious Islamic senses, and turn the goat’s meat in my stomach with her brazen acts of kuffar sluttery.
Unlike the heathen savages in America, us Muslims are a loving and peaceful people. With that in mind we here at Celeb Jihad have decided to be the bigger man, and compromise with Taylor Swift in regards to our topless picture article that she is so upset about.
We will remove the article if Taylor Swift simply agrees to convert to Islam. To convert to Islam, Taylor Swift must publicly renounce her Jew God Jesus, and accept Allah as her lord and master. She must then sacrifice a goat and devour its entrails. Pretty standard stuff really.
Taylor we eagerly await your response to our most generous offer. Allahu Akbar!
Good news! Actress Hayden Panettiere has finally seen the error of her heathen ways and converted to Islam. As you can see in the photo above Hayden Panettiere is currently riding a camel through the dessert to Mecca to prostrate herself before the Kaaba for her sins.
Hayden will then offer herself up as a concubine to a powerful Muslim man, and if she is lucky enough to be chosen she will spend the rest of her days servicing him to make up for the considerable amount of sin she took part in while working for the Zionist controlled entertainment machine. However, if she is not picked she will be sent to the salt mines to toil away, and die a painful lonely death.
This is truly a glorious time for Hayden Panettiere as she welcomes Allah as her lord and master. Allahu Akbar!
Selena Gomez showed an unbelievable level on insensitivity yesterday by openly mocking Muslims on our holy holiday of 9/11.
As you can see in the video above Selena Gomez took to the stage dressed as some sort of glittery Arabian whore, and proceeded to seductively wiggle her hips signaling her willingness to breed for money.
How dare Selena Gomez mock Muslims by portraying our women as sparkling whores! This outrage will not stand! In response I am personally going to go out and hate f*ck every Mexican prostitute I can get my hands on, and I suggest all other pious Muslim men do the same. It is the only way Selena Gomez will learn that Islam is not to be messed with!
As a red-blooded Muslim man I can not help but think that Chaz Bono is one of the sexiest women alive, and I’m not alone. Chaz has taken the Muslim world by storm, capturing the hearts (and lustful desires) of Muslim men from Damascus to Tikrit with her erotic facial hair and robust frame.
What man could deny himself a quiet moment daydreaming about Chaz Bono using her ample hindquarters to drive the plow through a tough patch of field, or birthing him a baby boy with a thick full beard invoking the envy of every male in the clan. The thrills that Chaz Bono’s remarkable body offers appear to be limitless.
Of course the insensitive bigots in America do not appreciate Chaz Bono’s beauty. In fact they mock her by referring to her with the masculine pronouns “him, his, he”. Clearly years of drug abuse have warped the American aesthetic to such a degree that a once in a lifetime beauty like Chaz Bono goes unappreciated, while hopelessly hairless weaklings like Mila Kunis and Katy Perry are lusted after by the horny masses.
Hollywood can keep their skinny cleanly shaved sluts, us Muslims will take Chaz Bono so that she may birth us virile hairy Jihadists.
