“Penicus Erectus!” shouted Emma Watson as she entered the 750th Annual Devil Worshipers Ball in Stockton, CA.

Sorceress Emma Watson made quite an appearance at the event looking sexy as hell thanks to the use of an enchantment spell. All the other followers of the dark arts were impressed and aroused by Emma’s seductive use of magic.

Though I have committed myself to Allah, even I am not immune to the satanic charms of Emma Watson. She torments my loins, but the cooling waters of the Qur’an keep me on the straight and narrow.

See for yourself Emma Watson’s causing all sorts of impure thoughts and desires to please her lord and master Satan in these pictures below.

Look at these outtakes from a photo shoot with Rachel Bilson and you may notice something pretty remarkable. When Rachel Bilson isn’t wearing 30 damn layers of clothes she has an amazingly bangable body.

Now I’m all for women covering up, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I mean at least with a burka you can get an idea of the girl’s ass and bust, but when Rachel Bilson heads out you can usually not see anything but a head sticking out of a block of clothes.

Rachel Bilson is a good Muslim girl who tries to suppress her sex appeal so that she does not cause impure thoughts in the males around her. However, Allah blessed her with such a great body that it is blasphemous of her to keep it covered as much as she does. I am sure Allah would not be displeased if she showed a little ankle now and then or if her tit pops out… whichever.

Well color me shocked. Kim Kardashian squeezed her ginormous ass into a bikini and actually looks pretty good. Unfortunately she still has that I’ll only do black guys look in her eyes, but the rest of her has greatly improved.

Has anyone done more for the black community than Robert Kardashian? The man fathered two of the greatest benefactors to black males in Kim and Chloe Kardashian, and he got O.J. Simpson off the hook for murder. If there is anyone who deserves a day of reverence it is Robert Kardashian not Martin Luther King. Last time I checked all of MLK’s daughters were fugly.

This brings me to my next point. Why do girls like Kim Kardashian get with black guys? Well everyone knows that the answer is to get back at their fathers for missing a ballet recital. However, wouldn’t it make more sense to get with Arabs such as myself instead? I mean we are pretty much the most hated minority now. What better way to stick it to the old man than by gobbling on some sweet Sunni nuts? Think about it ladies. Doing black guys to get back at dad is soooooo the 1950s.

In a new interview with Radar Online, Nadya “Octomom” Suleman admits, “I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin. I think he’s hot!”

Of course Jon Gosselin’s sex appeal is undeniable. What woman could resist a pudgy middle-aged Asian guy with hair plugs who wears Ed Hardy all the time? However, I just can’t help but think that Octomom’s attraction for Jon Gosselin runs deeper than just the physical.

These two seem to be made for each other. They both love using fertility drugs to have unholy amounts of children at one time. They both like abandoning those children to pursue a career as a D-list celebrity. And they both have huge vaginas.

Jon and Nadya Plus 22 here we come.

One word comes to mind when I see this pic of Larry King… SEX.

Just look at this mofo. He’s got the sunken cheek bones and liver spots that drives the ladies wild. Some people are just genetically blessed I guess.

Larry’s lips are all chapped and covered in Vaseline. Probably from kissing all those sexy ladies he’s banging. He’s got that old man stubble too, just to let every know, “Hey I know I look good. I don’t even have to shave.”

And don’t even get me started on that eye patch. How badass is that? Ladies love a bad boy and there are no bigger bad boys then pirates! Larry King is like a sex pirate, sailing the 7 seas of love, interviewing vaginas and plundering booty.

Some guys just have all the luck.