Noted bunny boiler and President of the Women with Low Self-Esteem International Jennifer Aniston is so desperate to win back her former husband Brad Pitt that she has resorted to pretending to give a crap about Haiti.
After already shilling out a ton of her own cash to help the Haitian relief effort Aniston has announced that she will be hosting yet another telethon to raise money for the earthquake stricken nation. She then asked “Do you think Brad will watch?”
Nothing brings two people together like tragedy. The tragedy of others that is. If the earthquake that killed 100,000+ people in Haiti can reunite Brad and Jen then I say it was worth it. I just love happy endings.
Haiti’s airport can only handle 130 flights a day. Thank God one of those precious flights was reserved for actor John Travolta.
John Travolta has flown aid supplies to Haiti in his own Boeing 707 to assist his fellow Scientologists already on the ground helping the earthquake victims.
Dressed in yellow T-shirts, Scientologists use a process called ‘assist’ in which the power of touch is said to reconnect nervous systems shaken by trauma. The group is using light ‘touching’, through clothing and bandages, of fractures and infection.
Islam is the one true religion, but I have to hand it to Scientology here. I know if I was badly injured in some sort of catastrophe I’d feel a hell of a lot better if some weirdos in yellow shirts came and started massaging my wounds while telling me about the wonders of “Dianetics”. Peace be upon you John Travolta. May Allah bless your quest to molest every person in Haiti.
Taylor Momsen the 16-year-old star of the hit CW show “Gossip Girl” showed her complete indifference when asked about the so call “tragedy” in Haiti. While promoting her new celebrity fragrance at Victoria’s Secret in New York, Taylor was asked about her thoughts on the earthquake in Haiti and she replied:
“Um, right now I’m trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that.”
I say good for Taylor! It is refreshing to see a celebrity not looking to boost their image by pretending to be a humanitarian every time a tragedy strikes. Last time I checked none of these celebrities gave a baker’s f*ck about Haiti until that earthquake hit. If they would have, maybe they could have helped them build a sustainable economy so their houses and buildings wouldn’t be put together with glue and cat poop.
Taylor Momsen is a genuine person who genuinely doesn’t give a crap about the people of Haiti, and I for one congratulate her for it.
Twilight hunk Robert Pattinson (pictured above) went on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s “700 Club” today, and shared some controversial thoughts as to why the earthquake struck Haiti:
“And you know, Kristi, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it.
“They were under the heel of the French, uh, you know Napoleon the 3rd and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil.
“They said, ‘We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.’
“True story.
“And so the Devil said, ‘Okay, it’s a deal.’
“And, uh, they kicked the French out, you know, with Haitians revolted and got themselves free, but ever since they have been cursed”
Despite his rapid aging Robert Pattinson is finally starting to think with a clear head, and understand how the greatness that is Allah works. Allah is a vengeful God. If there is one thing he hates (besides American freedom) it is Haitians. Allah will not rest until every Haitian on earth suffers a horrible death. Praise be to his name!
