OK this Disney f*ck fest is really getting out of hand. First it was Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez who were hooking up. Then Selena went bi and left Demi for Nick Jonas. Now it is Demi Lovato who is going bi with none other than Nick Jonas’ ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas.

Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas getting together does seem to make perfect sense. Demi gets a feminine man to make Selena jealous with, and Joe gets a masculine female to make Nick jealous with. As long as they keep the lights off and use a strap-on they could be very happy together.

However I can’t help but question if 2 latent homosexuals trying to go bi out of jealously really makes for a strong basis for a relationship. In my experience the best relationships are based on marriage contracts involving goats or an arrangement between warlords to strengthen tribal bonds. I guess I’m just old-fashioned like that.

Wow this is getting good. After we just reported that Demi Lovato, heart broken from her recent breakup with longtime girlfriend Selena Gomez, had taken a lesbian vacation. Demi is back in LA and dating none other than noted town bicycle Miley Cyrus.

Skeptics will argue that Miley is just an obvious rebound for Demi, but I see the way they are looking at each other in these pictures and there is obviously a spark between them. Not to mention these 2 young dykes have a lot in common. They both whore themselves for the Disney channel, and they both make terrible songs even with aid of super computers.

The Miley Cyrus Demi Lovato power couple or “Milato” (if that is to racial charged we can go with “Demrus”) is the hottest thing going in Hollywood right now. As these pictures show these passionate lesbian girls make an adorable couple.

Singer, song writer, and cocksman John Mayer has made quite a name for himself turning famously innocent female celebrities into dirty little sex pots. He allegedly introduced the joys of anal love making to the likes of Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. John Mayer also claims he will only date a girl who gives in completely to his every sexual desire.

Well old John has his sights firmly set on his next conquest, 19-year-old singer Taylor Swift. John contacted Taylor back in March to perform a duet with him. That is John Mayer code for a blowjob, but Taylor misunderstood and actually went to record a song. They have been close ever since, and were just seen getting cozy at a private table at Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Santa Monica.

No doubt John Mayer has plans to violently penetrate every one of Taylor’s orifices (if he has not already done so). Taylor Swift is about to get a lesson in kinky sex from a master. I suggest she keep up on her stretches to stay limber, and maybe google a few terms like “rusty trombone“, “angry dragon“, and of course the “glass bottom boat“.

This is Amber from Dallas, TX and apparently she is Kobe Bryant’s secret girlfriend. People that know her in Dallas say that Kobe has been banging her for months, sending her sexual texts, and even flew her out to LA for a few Lakers’ games.

Amber does look like Kobe’s type, that is to say a completely average looking white girl. Maybe Kobe thought if he took this frumpy girl as his mistress it would be easier to keep secret.

If this affair gets confirmed Kobe better be ready to take his wife jewelry shopping. After that whole rape thing Kobe gave his wife a 8-carat purple diamond ring worth about $4 million. I wonder how much she will charge him for Amber?

Jon Gosselin was vacationing with his new girlfriend Hailey Glassman in St Tropez this weekend.

When asked about their budding relationship the new couple were quite candid about what attracted them to each other.

“What attracted me to Hailey was her great heart. I mean I can talk to her about pretty much anything. Oh and her body was not horribly disfigured by birthing 8 children” said Jon.

“My attraction to Jon was purely physical at first” admits Hailey. “I have a thing for slanty-eyed guys with hair plugs who wear douchebag Ed Hardy shirts. But as I’ve gotten to get to know him, I find his spineless passive agressive personality sexy as hell.”

It is being reported that R Kelly may be investigated by the Illinois police for committing statutory rape. Apparently R Kelly’s current girlfriend is 17, the age of consent in Illinois, but police are interested in finding out how long ago the couple officially started “dating”.

I find this whole situation deplorable. A man as powerful as R Kelly should be able to plunder all the teen booty he wants. R Kelly could not even make a sex tape with his 14 year old girlfriend without being hassled by “da man”. And you people call this country “the land of the free”?

R Kelly should move to the middle east. We understand that sometimes the unripened figs taste the sweetest. Praise be to Allah!