Twilight star Kristen Stewart has confirmed that she is Robert Pattinson’s beard. For those who do not know a “beard” is a girl who serves as a gay man’s companion to hide his sexual orientation.
The startling revelation comes just one week after Robert Pattinson slipped up and admitted to Details magazine that he is “allergic to vagina”. In a move to save his considerable female fan base Robert Pattinson tried to use his trusty beard Kristen Stewart once again saying “It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes. We can’t arrive at the same time because of the fans”. He then went on to blame the fans for him failing to consummate the relationship adding “how am I to be expected to penetrate a vagina when we have fans all over the place?”
For her part Kristen Stewart has finally come to the realization that she is just Robert Pattinson’s beard saying “I guess that explains the strap-on and our role playing games were he calls me ‘Frank’.”
OK this Disney f*ck fest is really getting out of hand. First it was Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez who were hooking up. Then Selena went bi and left Demi for Nick Jonas. Now it is Demi Lovato who is going bi with none other than Nick Jonas’ ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas.
Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas getting together does seem to make perfect sense. Demi gets a feminine man to make Selena jealous with, and Joe gets a masculine female to make Nick jealous with. As long as they keep the lights off and use a strap-on they could be very happy together.
However I can’t help but question if 2 latent homosexuals trying to go bi out of jealously really makes for a strong basis for a relationship. In my experience the best relationships are based on marriage contracts involving goats or an arrangement between warlords to strengthen tribal bonds. I guess I’m just old-fashioned like that.
Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift are dating. The young Hollywood lesbian orgy is now in full swing! For those of you getting late to the party here is a quick summary of what has happened so far.
First we found out that Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato were in fact lesbian lovers. We then learned that they had a messy break up and Demi Lovato has started dating Miley Cyrus. At the same time we learned that country music sensation Taylor Swift was also a lesbian, and had a love affair with her fiddle player (perfect instrument for a lesbian by the way) Emily Poe. So that is were we are today. We got a ton of young lesbians on our hands and they all seem to be involved in a good old fashioned dyke out.
According to our sources Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift have gotten real close real fast, which is typical of a lesbian couple. There is a joke in the lesbian community, “What do you call lesbians moving in with each other? A second date”.
Needless to say Demi Lovato is furious about Selena Gomez’s new love interest. In the video below Demi is signing autographs for fans when one of them asks “How’s Selena?” and Demi snaps back “Ask Taylor!” Jealously rearing its ugly head if I’ve ever seen it. Fast forward to the 1:35 mark of the video to see the exchange.
Personally I think Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift make a very cute couple and wish them the best. Also if they are interested I’m selling a gently used double-sided dildo with strap-on on eBay. It is the perfect Valentine’s gift for that special carpet muncher in your life.
Celeb Jihad has learned that country singer and teen idol Taylor Swift is a lesbian. Love of the muff seems to be a growing trend in young Hollywood with Taylor Swift joining the likes of Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez as girl who are down to go downtown.
According to sources at her hometown high school of “Hendersonville High” Taylor was known as a “pillow queen”, which is a girl that will let other girls go down on her but who would not lick the slit themselves. In the lesbian community these girls are also known as “stuck up bitches”.
Also Taylor Swift has been romantically linked to her fiddle player Emily Poe. Apparently when her manager found out about Taylor and Emily’s love affair, Emily was asked to leave the tour to protect Taylor’s image. In response Taylor posted the following video of Emily on her Myspace.
Here is a freeze frame of the note shown in the video.
As you can it says “I feel as if our relationship has been taken to the next level over the past **** months and with ******** “ I can only imagine what the blurry parts of the note say, but I bet it is some hot lesbian dirty talk.
Taylor Swift is clearly a gay woman, and I have little doubt that the Romeo she refers to in the song “Love Story” is none other than butch comedian Rosie O’Donnell.
Ever since I broke the story that teen idols Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez were big time lesbians, and most likely were twittering each others’ love buttons, I have received a lot of guff from smart-mouthed teenagers.
I’ll have you little punks know that I am a Jihadist and will not be intimidated no matter how many ill thought out misspelled insults you throw at me. In fact I will continue to out Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez as the tremendous dykes that they are. Not only that but in the coming days I will be outing more of your little teen celebrity icons as lesbians, and I will continue to do so until you denounce your Christian Jew God and accept Allah as your lord and master.
Now that that is settled watch this video of Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez that pretty much proves they are as gay as the day is long.
Obviously bored with the massive amount of wang she gets banged with on a near daily basis, Disney star Selena Gomez has decided to give chicks a try.
As the photo above clearly shows Selena Gomez is trying to be a lesbian, and she has landed herself a real diesel dyke. Trust me I know a couple of lesbos out for a stroll when I see them. Just look at the haircuts, and the strange loose fitting clothes with the jacket tied around her waste. This picture stinks of girl on girl action.
No word yet if Selena is just a “pillow princess” or she has gone all the way and started shucking a few oysters herself. My guess is that if she hasn’t already developed a taste for seafood she is about to.
According to one time Playboy model and alleged Tiger Woods’ mistress Loredana Jolie, Tiger had sex with other men in front of her. Loredana says she is planning to tell all about how she and Tiger “came about, his healthy appetite for arranged sex, threesomes, girls next door, girl-girl, and an answer to all the rumors surrounding Woods’ sexuality.”
No word yet if Tiger’s alleged male mistresses were white with blonde hair and big breasts. However, my friend from Boston assures me that Tiger was most likely doing his good friend Derek Jeter because “Jeter is a homo”.
If there is one thing that we can take away from this latest development it is that if you are a famous married guy and you want to cheat on your wife do it with a man! Notice how no guys have come forward seeking fame for having been banged by Tiger. That’s because guys know how to keep their damn mouth’s shut.
