Chuck Lambert, father of “American Idol” runner up Adam Lambert, is not looking forward to Thanksgiving. Sources close to Chuck, a retired union electrician, say that Adam’s recent performance at the American Music Awards has sent him into a tailspin.
“Ya see that guy on T.V. prancing around like Elton John and making out with other dudes?” said Chuck as he took another swig of his Seagram’s VO Canadian Whiskey. “Yep, that’s my boy!”
With each passing day Chuck seems to grow more and more worried about the upcoming holiday, a fear that is further exacerbated by the constant taunts he receives about Adam from his fellow electricians.
“I mean, what the hell are we going to talk about during dinner?” Chuck said. “Son, I saw you on TV last week at that award show shoving some dude’s face into your cock and balls. That looked like fun, tell me about it. Jesus Christ, what did I do to deserve this?”
Added Chuck, “Why couldn’t he just be one of those normal queers like Tom Brady.”
In an exclusive interview with CelebJihad, Jackson family patriarch Joe Jackson spoke candidly about the loss of his son, and about how his parenting style may have ultimately played a role in Michael’s tragic life and death.
“I’m not one to sit and dwell on the past, but at a time like this, when a father outlives his son, one can’t help but second guess,” said Jackson, speaking to us via cell phone from outside the 4 Play Gentleman’s Club in Los Angeles.
“I can’t help but wonder, if only I had beaten Michael harder, especially during puberty, perhaps he wouldn’t have turned into the grotesque pansexual pill-popping he-she boy lover which he became. If only I would have hit him with smaller tree branches, because the smaller ones hurt more, maybe he would have been normal.”
Jackson also lamented the fact that he did not have a chance for closure with his son.
“Looking back, there are so many unanswered questions,” said Joe. “What is the combination to the safe? Do you have any money hidden in foreign accounts? What’s with all these Jonas Brothers’ DVDs stacked up in that weird dungeon room?”
But despite his troubled past, Joe Jackson is focusing on the future.
“In the end, our lawyers and accountants can figure most of this stuff out, so it ain’t no thaaang!”
Added Joe, “Be sure to visit http://www.hiphopbootcamp.com/ to learn more about my hip hop boot camp. Michael would have wanted it.”
(Video of Joe Jackson – Father of the Year)
