Ever since we broke the story that Selena Gomez is a lesbian, teenage girls all over the country have been converting to the “dyke side”. This wave of newly transformed lesbians descended upon a mall were Selena Gomez was doing a Q&A (and probably some light fingering) for a radio station.
As soon as the cunt hungry mob got a whiff of Selena Gomez’s muff they were whipped into a feeding frenzy and charged towards the Disney star. Selena looked on and laughed as her fans were badly injured trampling over each other trying to get a piece of her sweet cherry pie. Police and firefighters had to be called in to control the mob and extract the wounded.
When asked for a comment about this horrific incident mall event coordinator Carol Barkley said “This is tragic. I haven’t seen this many lesbians go down on each other since I was invited to a party at Ellen’s.”
Chris Brown is said to be “violently angry” after learning that ticket sales for his Fan Appreciation Tour are falling flat. The singer, who used to sell out stadiums, can’t even fill up a venue as small as the House of Blues.
Things have gotten so bad that Brown has taken to searching through his fan club’s database and confronting members who have not purchased tickets.
One such fan, Lisa Nordberg of Albany, NY, was persuaded to purchase tickets after Brown gave her a violent shaking. Another lucky fan, LaDawn Jackson of Chicago, IL, received two complimentary tickets and a vicious blow to the head.
“Chris didn’t hit me, I just fell,” said Jackson, whose left eye was swelled shut.
Added Jackson, “Besides, Chris just gets really emotional because he loves his fans so much! He’s only human! You don’t understand him like I do!”
Sky News quotes Gary Taylor, owner of Jackson fan mega-site, as saying that as many as 12 Michael Jackson fans have killed themselves since Michael’s passing last Thursday.
One manic Jackson fan that was prevented from jumping off a bridge said “It’s all the same to me. I’m going to kill myself. It’s the worst tragedy of my life and I don’t want to live any more. I don’t know why you saved my life, I want to be with him”
A report from Tunisia claims a girl took her life as well but that has yet to be verified.
This is a good start. Allah willing, if we continue to mock Michael Jackson’s death, more of his psychotic celebrity worshiping followers will take their lives. This will give more space to the righteous who realize that they did not know the real Michael Jackson, and that his passing should have little to no effect on their lives.
