Say what you will about Justin Bieber, but he really loves his fans. As is evidenced by the court documents filed by Justin Bieber fan and alleged baby mama Mariah Yeater, who claims that Justin took her into a bathroom and told her he wanted to “f*ck the sh*t” out of her but only lasted “approximately 30 seconds”.
Clearly Justin Bieber isn’t one to take this bad press lying down. That is why in an effort to save his dwindling tween sex symbol status Justin Bieber took 3 girls into a bathroom, and by the expressions on their faces Bieber obviously showed them the time of their lives.
Justin Bieber has definitely proven his sexual prowess, as those appear to be 3 extreme satisfied young ladies. In fact all my wives make that same face when I tell them I will be doing them the honor of inviting them into my bed that night. I guess some guys like Biebs and I are just gifted like that. Allahu Akbar!
We here at Celeb Jihad vow that there will be serious repercussions for Taylor Swift if she dares to follow through on her threat of a lawsuit against us.
We have already reached out to the Iranian embassy to see about filing charges in Sharia Court against Taylor Swift for her egregious crimes against Islam and morality. Of course as everyone knows Sharia law is the one true law, and it trumps any sort of silly civil action Taylor Swift may take in an American court.
Furthermore, we pay good money for a special Internet filter to keep women, Jews, and homosexuals off our holy Muslim website. But in the past few days we have received such an influx of traffic from perverted Taylor Swift fans that it has overwhelmed our filter and interrupted service for dedicated Jihadists looking for the latest celebrity gossip.
So we demand that all Taylor Swift fans leave our site at once and never return! Taylor Swift’s fans are foul-mouthed and ill-mannered (much like their idol), and their taste in music and role models leave little doubt that they are beyond redemption. If Taylor Swift’s fans do not leave soon we will be left with no choice but to issue fatwas against each and everyone of them.
Well this was bound to happen eventually, but no one thought it would be this soon. As you can see in the video below Justin Bieber’s fans have abandoned him for another goofy looking dork who stands and waves from a roof.
While teenage girls are ridiculously fickle, it is still surprising to see them abandon Justin Bieber and embrace this new guy so quickly. Notice how they almost immediately begin screaming uncontrollably as soon as they catch a glimpse of him.
Justin Bieber’s fans abandoning him is definitely a historic moment. Witness it for yourself in the video below.
Demi Lovato continued her descent into immorality yesterday while performing for her fans at a mall in Glendale.
As you can clearly see in the picture above Demi Lovato flashed an extremely perverse sexual hand gesture to her fans.
Using the microphone to represent the male genitalia, Demi cupped her hands into a circle around it to symbolize a gaping vagina (possibly hers). This sick symbol is used by sluts to signal that they are looking for a large well endowed male capable of filling their well used orifice.
Demi Lovato is quickly becoming one of the nastiest gutter skanks in Hollywood. If she is interested in landing extremely large man meat that is her business. However, when she starts using her concerts to troll for her next fix of monster c*ck it sends the wrong message to those girls stupid enough to consider her a role model.
Like it or not, functionally retarded women consider Demi Lovato a role model, and by her acting out like this they are going to get the wrong idea. Girls need to learn that a man can pleasure them no matter how small… and crocked his penis is.
Ever since we broke the story that Selena Gomez is a lesbian, teenage girls all over the country have been converting to the “dyke side”. This wave of newly transformed lesbians descended upon a mall were Selena Gomez was doing a Q&A (and probably some light fingering) for a radio station.
As soon as the cunt hungry mob got a whiff of Selena Gomez’s muff they were whipped into a feeding frenzy and charged towards the Disney star. Selena looked on and laughed as her fans were badly injured trampling over each other trying to get a piece of her sweet cherry pie. Police and firefighters had to be called in to control the mob and extract the wounded.
When asked for a comment about this horrific incident mall event coordinator Carol Barkley said “This is tragic. I haven’t seen this many lesbians go down on each other since I was invited to a party at Ellen’s.”
Chris Brown is said to be “violently angry” after learning that ticket sales for his Fan Appreciation Tour are falling flat. The singer, who used to sell out stadiums, can’t even fill up a venue as small as the House of Blues.
Things have gotten so bad that Brown has taken to searching through his fan club’s database and confronting members who have not purchased tickets.
One such fan, Lisa Nordberg of Albany, NY, was persuaded to purchase tickets after Brown gave her a violent shaking. Another lucky fan, LaDawn Jackson of Chicago, IL, received two complimentary tickets and a vicious blow to the head.
“Chris didn’t hit me, I just fell,” said Jackson, whose left eye was swelled shut.
Added Jackson, “Besides, Chris just gets really emotional because he loves his fans so much! He’s only human! You don’t understand him like I do!”
Sky News quotes Gary Taylor, owner of Jackson fan mega-site, as saying that as many as 12 Michael Jackson fans have killed themselves since Michael’s passing last Thursday.
One manic Jackson fan that was prevented from jumping off a bridge said “It’s all the same to me. I’m going to kill myself. It’s the worst tragedy of my life and I don’t want to live any more. I don’t know why you saved my life, I want to be with him”
A report from Tunisia claims a girl took her life as well but that has yet to be verified.
This is a good start. Allah willing, if we continue to mock Michael Jackson’s death, more of his psychotic celebrity worshiping followers will take their lives. This will give more space to the righteous who realize that they did not know the real Michael Jackson, and that his passing should have little to no effect on their lives.
