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Anticipating The Rapture Taylor Swift Euthanizes Her Dog

Durka Durka — Sat, 21 May 2011 16:10:21 +0000

Anticipating the Rapture, country music star and devout Christian Taylor Swift had her 6 month old miniature doberman named Romeo euthanized late last night.

According to a source close to Swift, she did not feel right about leaving Romeo behind with no one to take care of him when the Rapture came and she ascended to heaven, so she made the difficult decision of having him put down.

Of course the Rapture has not occurred yet, but the day is still young. Let us hope for Taylor Swift’s sake it comes soon or she is going to feel awfully silly for having her dog killed.

Kim Kardashian Stomps Reggie Bush’s Dog to Death

Jimmy Jihad — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 20:55:33 +0000

Left: Kim Kardashian | Right: Lil' Reggie

Kim Kardashian was arrested and accused of animal abuse after she allegedly stomped Reggie Bush’s beloved dog to death.

Miami police said they were called to Kardashian’s hotel Wednesday after a member of the cleaning staff brought the body of a dead dog to animal control officers. The dog, a small Pomeranian mix by the name of “Lil’ Reggie,” had severe head trauma. Kardashian had been watching the dog while Bush was in New York.

Police were told that Kardashian picked up the dog and threw it down on the ground after she learned that Reggie had been spotted with another woman at a New York nightclub. Authorities said Kardashian continued to stomp on the dog’s neck until it stopped moving. Guests of the hotel reported hearing Kardashian “laughing manically” around the time of the incident.

This is not Kardashian’s first encounter with animal abuse charges. In 2008, Kardashian was arrested in Compton after setting a baby raccoon on fire. Later that year authorities raided the Kardashian home and discovered hundreds of animals crowded together in foul-smelling conditions as well as dozens of puppy carcasses in a freezer.

Obviously Kim is a very sick girl. Let’s hope she gets the help she needs.

Miley Cyrus Sells Her Dog

Durka Durka — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 19:32:24 +0000

Miley Cyrus was caught on camera yesterday selling her pet dog! I think the pictures of Miley below speak for themselves.

Miley Cyrus was out on the street yesterday carrying around her beloved dog “Smuckers”, when she happened upon a gay man. Miley offered to trade her dog Smuckers, some gently used anal beads, and a case of Jif peanut butter (the #1 choice of choosy moms) for his large negro companion. The deal went down rather quickly and Miley was accompanied by her new love slave and his large low hanging fruit to her Prius.

Here are the photos from the incident. Frankly I find it despicable that Miley could sell her dog, but of course for a slut like Miley the allure of a big black one can be overwhelming.

Coyote Sends Jessica Simpson Ransom Note

Durka Durka — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:15:22 +0000

Jessica Simpson watched her dog get snatched by a coyote on Monday. Simpson still believes her beloved dog Daisy isn’t coyote food yet despite reports to the contrary.

Jessica posted this message on Twitter:

“Still holding out hope despite the assholes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby…why would I stop searching? I’m a mom.”

Well it turns out Jessica is right. The coyote who took the dog has provided Celeb Jihad with his ransom demands. We ask that everyone help make Jessica aware of these, or her dog may be killed.

The coyote’s demands are as follows:

- 10 ACME Rocket Packs
- 2 pair ACME Rocket Shoes
- 1 Oversized ACME Bear Trap
- 1 Dead Roadrunner
- And to see Jessica Simpson’s tits

Jessica Simpson’s Missing Dog Daisy Found

Durka Durka — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:45:59 +0000

Celeb Jihad has found Jessica Simpson’s missing dog “Daisy”.

Yesterday a distraught Jessica Simpson went on Twitter and posted a panicked tweet for help.

“My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!”

Not one to stand ideally by while a beautiful buxom blonde is in need of assistance I immediately set out to track the dog-napping coyote.

I picked up its trail outside of Simpson’s residence and followed it out into the desert. After nearly 24-hours of pursuit, and the senseless slaughter of numerous coyotes I thought looked like they could be the one, I finally came upon the coyote that took Jessica’s dog.

Luckily I had gotten there just in time as the coyote had just released the dog. Of course I snapped its neck anyway just for causing Jessica distress.

Anyway here is a pic Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy I rescued from the coyote. I’ll be happy to bring it back to her when I receive the reward money.

Dog Sniffs Eliza Dushku’s Snatch

Durka Durka — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:07:59 +0000

Maybe Eliza Dushku should try being Eliza Doucheku. Zing!

But seriously, the dog just heard that that is were a lot of bones get buried.