Katie Holmes celebrated her announced divorce settlement with Tom Cruise earlier today, by showing off her sideboob and boney Scoliosis ridden back in the photo above.
With this sideboob picture Katie Holmes is clearly signaling that she is in heat, and that it is open season on her unused by Tom Cruise lady parts.
Unfortunately for Katie, no virile Muslim man is interested in a divorcee single mother with saggy tits. Of course degenerate infidel men will probably be lining up to pummel her because they lack in both standards and moral fiber.
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are preparing for a bitter custody battle. However, it is not over daughter Suri like the lying Zionist mainstream media is reporting, but rather over the couple’s extensive butt plug collection valued at over 7 million dollars.
This butt plug dispute is a common problem in heathen Western divorces as the men are all secretly homoqueers (like Tom Cruise), while the women are all avid anal fetishists (like Katie Holmes).
According to an insider Tom can certainly lay claim to having spent more time with the butt plugs during the marriage, but judges tend to side with the woman in sex toy custody proceedings.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have announced that they will be getting a divorce after fulfilling their 5 year marriage contract.
Katie Holmes will obviously be paid an undisclosed amount of money for completing the full 5 years of marriage, providing Tom with the contractually obligated one child, and for ignoring the continuous loud male grunting coming from Tom’s “man cave”.
Tom Cruise will be granted nothing but kind words in the press from Katie Holmes after the divorce, and according to a source is, “Extremely excited to get back out there and have all the sex with ladies in their vaginas… which he does not find gross at all.”
After years of avoiding it out of stubborn vanity, Heidi Klum finally went to the optometrist this weekend, and is now divorcing Seal, her pot-marked oil spill of a husband.
No one knows for sure why Heidi Klum is filing for divorce from Seal, but it is safe to assume that it probably has something to do with her no longer being legally blind.
This divorce could get messy as Seal is the biological father of 3 of Heidi’s children, and the adopted father of Leni, Heidi’s white daughter from a previous marriage. However, Heidi is expected to offer to trade Seal the rights to the 3 darkies and the summer house in Malibu in exchange for Leni.
Closeted British homosexual Russell Brand blindsided wife Katy Perry when he filed for divorce Friday December 30th citing irreconcilable differences. “Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage,” he said in a statement to PEOPLE “I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.”
Feeling betrayed Katy Perry did what any desperate, attention starved infidel whore would do, she released a statement of her own, to an unknown source saying, “I gave my heart, soul, and ass virginity to a man that didn’t appreciate me and filed for divorce behind my back like a coward.”
An off the record comment was overheard when Perry joked with fellow pop star whore and friend Rihanna about leaking a sex tape starring Brand and herself which Katy described as “A visual exploration of a rape fantasy meets an aristocrats joke.” adding that “I have nothing to remember him by except this video and the occasional genital herpes outbreak, but I’m going to make HIM remember me forever”
No word yet on when the Katy Perry Russell Brand sex tape will be leaked, but I for one will welcome it’s release with open eyes, a bottle of camel spit, and a steady hand.
After reportedly receiving $15.4 million from CBS to star on the hit TV show “Two And A Half Men”, Ashton Kutcher can finally afford to move out of his mom Demi Moore’s house.
This move comes as no surprise as it has been rumored for months that Ashton might make a break from his mother. Especially since Ashton and Demi have been at each others’ throats about Ashton going out to bang random whores before he finishes his chores.
Ashton Kutcher will definitely enjoy his long overdue freedom from his overbearing mother Demi. Hopefully in the next year or so they can mend their broken relationship somewhat for Demi looks weathered, frail, and not long for this world.
There are a lot of rumors surrounding the reason behind Kim Kardashian ending her marriage to Kris Humphries after just 72 days. Some say that the marriage was a sham for money and publicity, others that Kris was too controlling of Kim, but clearly the most probable reason for the divorce is that Kim Kardashian thinks Kris Humphries is just “too damn white”.
Before Kim would even consider dating Kris he had to assure her that he was simply “light skinned” and not a white guy. The fact that he played basketball and was inattentive to her needs helped him pull off the illusion. The first red flag for Kim came when Kris proposed to her. What self-respecting black man would willingly enter into a commitment like marriage without the need to reduce child support payments to his baby mama?
Kim Kardashian ignored this early warning sign and continued on with the wedding. Unfortunately this was just the beginning of Kris’ whiteness rearing its ugly head. During their honeymoon phase Kris acted especially white, he was thoughtful and appeared to be enjoying himself while spending time with Kim, to her dismay.
However, the last straw for Kim came 2 days ago when Kris had sex with her in the missionary position, (instead of the usual doggystyle) and he actually seemed to like it. It was then that Kim finally came to the horrible realization that she had married a honky. Disgusted with herself she rushed to file for divorce yesterday morning.
