Christmas came early for Tiger Woods this year when actress Brittany Murphy died suddenly in her LA home. Tiger and his harem of skanks who had been dominating the headlines the last couple weeks were instantly wiped off the front page as Brittany chased the dragon one to many times.
Brittany Murphy’s death looks like a clear case of drug overdose. However, we here at Celeb Jihad aren’t ruling out foul play just yet. We have to ask ourselves who would benefit the most from Brittany’s demise. The answer is most certainly Tiger Woods.
I’m no Angela Lansbury but I think the authorities should be at least questioning Woods about his whereabouts when Brittany Murphy died. Maybe they can smack him around some too, and see what he confesses too. I just find this whole thing a little to convenient for Tiger.
Feel free to make wild speculations and accusations in the comment section. It may be the only way we are going to solve this case!
In the latest leaked tape by Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael Lohan, we learn that Lindsay was dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death.
In the 2008 tapes, Lindsay’s mom Dina tells Michael that Heath’s drug overdose devastated their daughter and “f***ed her up.” She is heard on the tape saying that,
“She was dating Heath when he died. I don’t know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, ok?”
Lindsay dating Heath makes perfect sense because he was trying to hit rock bottom. Not to mention this would explain the large quantities of “stank puss” found during Heath’s autopsy.
Dina went on to say that she fears Lindsay may pull a Heath of her own.
“Because when she’s drunk or takes an Adderall with it she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking.”
Luckily for the Lohan’s their little meal ticket Lindsay is not nearly talented enough to die young like Heath Ledger, James Dean, or River Phoenix. No, unfortunately Lindsay will live to be a ripe old whore.
Captain Lou Albano has died. He was one of our favorite wrestlers. His Mario show sucked balls, but we still loved him. Plus, he kept the kids off drugs, as you can see from this old PSA.
So RIP Captain Lou. We hope you didn’t go to hell before you died, or after, for that matter.
Michael Jackson has just passed away from a heart attack. He was 50 years old.
Michael suffered cardiac arrest at his home. Apparently Jackson was already dead when paramedics arrived, and they were unable to resuscitate him.
No word yet on what brought on the heart attack. Possible causes include him finally seeing what he looks like or excessive masturbation to his collection of Jonas Brothers DVDs. We’ll keep you updated as details come in.
R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett
Far be it from me to question the will of Allah the most wise, but I would think something as awful as anal cancer would be reserved for the likes of Heidi Pratt. On the other hand, if poor Farrah Fawcett had it this tough, I can only smile while I imagine what Allah the subduer has in store for the girl who committed the sin that is The Hills. I’m thinking vagina spiders.
At any rate, peace be upon you, Farrah Fawcett.
