Chris Burke, star of the early 90’s drama “Life Goes On,” is currently the top choice to star in the upcoming reboot of the Spider-Man franchise. An avid Spider-Man fan since childhood, Burke is already getting into character.
“You should see how committed he is,” said Burke’s agent Merv Shapiro. “He’s been running around in Spider-Man pajamas, singing the theme song, and telling people he meets on the street that he’s Spider-Man.”
Added Shapiro, “I haven’t even told him about the movie, yet.”
When asked about rumors that Robert Pattinson may be the front runner for the role, Shapiro dismissed the suggestion as “Retarded.”
Yeah that’s right, Corky has a sex tape. Corky gave the sex tape to a neighbor’s cat because according to the neighbor “Corky just loves Mr. Muff Buff’s puffy tail”.
The neighbor is in talks with Shiny Object Entertainment to distribute the video, but it may never see the light of day. Corky has filed an imagination lawsuit seeking 20 million hugs and candies. Corky claims the cat tricked him into handing over the sex tape by “being friendly” and “feeling nice to pet”.
The tape reportedly shows Corky rubbing his genitals against his parent’s suede couch. He then switches on a strobe light and pleasures himself furiously before finally finishing himself off on his pet dog Maxie’s back. The full video run time is 284-minutes. Shiny Object Entertainment says it hopes to have the video in stores by early November in time for the Christmas season.
By now everyone has heard the Chuck Norris facts. There have even been copycat Vin Diesel and Mr. T facts. Lost in all this hype are the facts about the greatest American hero of America. Of course I am talking about Corky from the hit TV series “Life Goes On”.
Corky wears a helmet not for his protection, but for yours!
Corky thinks cats are friendly animals.
Corky only rides the short bus because it handles better.
Corky can read! …sort of.
Corky’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he is retarded.
Corky once counted to 47… on his chromosomes.
Corky can eat his own farts.
Corky thinks you’re retarded.
Corky eats grass… because somebody has to.
Corky’s favorite food is blue, and his favorite color is 7.
Too Corky bitches ain’t nothing but tricks and hoes.
If you ask Corky he’ll tell you the secret to peace in the Middle East is “happy rainbow kisses”.
Corky once hugged Chuck Norris. He did nothing.
Corky thinks Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man is “a real smartass”.
Corky once took a shit in a pool.
Corky likes tacos.
Strobe lights make Corky cum… a lot!
Corky once threw feces at a monkey that was giving him the evil eye.
Corky is so retarded that even his penis’s head is small and abnormally shaped.
Corky wrote a song about the corn in his stool.
Corky is just like you, he puts his pants on one leg at a time. The only difference being his are on backwards and covered in various bodily fluids.
