The Kardashians haven’t been doing too hot lately. Kim and Reggie Bush just broke up, Kourtney’s pregnant, and now Khloe’s been caught with cocaine in her purse by her sisters.
No worries though, Khloe will still be around to be her older sister Kim’s beard. She claims that the drugs aren’t hers, and that she’s “not someone who needs to do drugs.”
Khloe told Life & Style magazine that “my employee was picking up a pile of clothes that customers had tried on, and [the cocaine] fell out. She called me into the dressing room, and it was in a little glass vial. I was leaving the dressing room, and a lot of customers walked in. I didn’t know what to do, so I threw it in my purse. I was like, ‘I’ll dispose of this in a second,’ and I went to help them. Then I forgot about it.”
I believe Khloe’s story. Everyone knows coke makes you thin and pretty, so Khloe definitely does not do coke. She probably thought it was powdered sugar, and was planning on putting it on the next unsuspecting villager she clubs and eats for crossing her bridge.
According to the statement released by the Hillsborough County medical examiner, the autopsy of TV pitchman Billy Mays concluded that cocaine use caused the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death.
Surprised? No, I doubt anyone’s all that surprised by this news. Cocaine is the steroids of the TV pitchman business. Was it really likely that while all these other pitchmen were cranking their noses full of coke that Billy Mays the best, prettiest, and prima donna-est of them all, abstained? That his enormous raw enthusiasm came from the love for his products and not the sweet coca plant?
In the coming days there will be a lot of discussion about what this means for Billy Mays’ legacy. As well as what this means for Orange Glo, Gopher, OxiClean, Kaboom, Fix it, and all the other substandard products Billy pushed on us with his drug fueled tirades on late night TV.
However, one thing is for certain. For some Billy Mays pitchman legacy is forever tainted with a stain no amount of OxiClean can ever remove
