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As you can see in the photo above, actress Cameron Diaz has clearly passed her expiration date. Like a jug of goat’s milk out in the desert’s noon day sun, or a date left withering on the vine, Cameron Diaz is shriveled, sour, and stinks.
With Cameron Diaz’s reproductive years WELL behind her, and her looks completely gone to hell the only logical thing for her to do is to sacrifice herself for the greater good. Cameron can take comfort in the fact that though her life was completely wasted being a whore and making bad movies, she can still serve a valuable purpose by being turned into fertilizer for next seasons crops.
Famous actress and infertile unwed shrew, Cameron Diaz has been taking her boyfriend, baseball player Alex Rodriguez’s “vitamins”.
According to friends it all started a few months ago when Cameron Diaz spent the night at A-Rod’s (out of wedlock I might add) and she forget her Women’s One A Day multivitamins at home. Cameron decided to take some of A-Rod’s instead. While fumbling around in his medicine cabinet she could not find any vitamins, but she did come upon a box labeled “horse steroids”. She figured those probably had her daily dose of Vitamin C, so she injected herself with the syringe inside.
Ever since that day Cameron Diaz has been feeling great. Even though, like most 38 year old women, she suddenly put on about 15lbs of lean muscle and her breasts have shrunk. Aging plays funny tricks like that, but as long as Cameron takes her A-Rod “vitamins” she’ll continue to live her barren, loveless life for years to come.
One of the perks of being a celebrity is that you get to f*ck pretty much anything you want. Animal, vegetable, mineral, it is all game. So naturally with all that f**king going on celebrities have developed distinct “sex faces”.
We’ve been lucky enough to capture a few on camera, as well as some interesting sexual facts about some of Hollywood’s biggest stars. Enjoy!
Name: Mandy Moore
Interesting Sex Fact: Mandy is so uptight in bed that she has yet to achieve orgasm with a man. Horses on the other hand are a different story.
Name: Cameron Diaz
Interesting Sex Fact: Cameron enjoys babbling on about her day during sex.
Name: George Clooney
Interesting Sex Fact: Farts loudly during sex then pulls the cover over his partners head.
Name: Anne Hathaway
Interesting Sex Fact: Farts loudly during sex then pulls the covers over her own head.
Name: Gisele Bünchen
Interesting Sex Fact: Gisele favorite sexual move is called “The Dicaprio”… don’t tell Tom.
Name: Amy Winehouse
Interesting Sex Fact: Amy can only achieve orgasm after a vigorous session of anal fisting.
Name: Kristen Stewart
Interesting Sex Fact: During sex Kristen Stewart’s lower lip bites her.
Name: Tiger Woods
Interesting Sex Fact: Tiger Woods likes sex… a lot!
Name: Kristen Bell
Interesting Sex Fact: Kristen Bell can shoot a ping pong ball 50 feet out of her vah jay-jay
Name: Robert Pattinson
Interesting Sex Fact: Robert’s pubic hair is longer than his penis.
Name: Taylor Lautner
Interesting Sex Fact: Taylor has only 1 testicle, and it is small and misshapen.
Name: Katy Perry
Interesting Sex Fact: Katy tossed a girl’s salad… she didn’t like it.
Name: Heidi Montag
Interesting Sex Fact: Heidi cries during sex, and that just makes Spencer want to f*ck her harder.
Name: Kate Gosselin
Interesting Sex Fact: Kate feels no sensation in her vaginal region anymore.
Name: Justin Timberlake
Interesting Sex Fact: Justin greatly enjoys anal. Receiving not giving.
Name: Miley Cyrus
Interesting Sex Fact: Miley is a screamer. Her dad had to sound proof their house.
