By Muhammad’s beard! Britney Spears has just admitted to worshiping Satan! Brit said the following on her Twitter account,
We here at Celeb Jihad have worked tirelessly to warn the masses that all celebrities are Satan worshiping shape shifting reptiles, hell-bent on world domination. Now the truth comes out!
Britney was not done there though, she hit us one more time with this doozy of a twat,
“I hope that the new world order will arrive as soon as possible! – Britney”
With Barack Obama being the first celebrity President (I don’t count Ronald Reagan because his movies sucked), I’m afraid this world is doomed.
The righteous among us must build rocket ships and blast off into space, trusting that Allah will guide us to a more hospitable planet with no celebrities… or Jews.
Britney Spears’ left nipple has been stolen, CelebJihad can confirm. Apparently, Britney woke up this morning to find that her living-room window had been tampered with, but since nothing appeared to be missing, she went about her daily routine.
Several hours passed before the small Guatemalan boy in charge of removing unwanted hairs from Britney’s breasts made the shocking discovery and let out an audible cry of, “Aye, aye, aye, el pezon no mi gusto!”
Britney seems distraught over the theft, and is desperate to track down the culprit. But who would want to steal a nipple? Perhaps Tara Reid? Coco, the nipple loving chimp? Or perhaps her ex-husband K-Fed. After all, he has been working on some nice knockers of his own. A lady nipple could come in quite handy for him.
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It’s been reported that Kevin Federline is getting $5,000 a week from Britney to bring her kids on tour with her. He’s also the newest pseudo-celebrity to get his own reality TV show, which is undoubtedly a well-paying gig too (though producers were upset to find out the name “The Biggest Loser” was already in use). Based on these pictures, I’m gonna go ahead and suggest that a good chunk of those paychecks are going to the good people at Entenmann’s.
K. Fed’s supposedly gained 85 pounds since his 2006 divorce to Britney. He used to weigh in at just 150 but the National Enquirer claims he now weights 235. He’s so big that Britney’s now insisted that “he go on a diet and stop showing their kids it’s OK to be fat and sloppy.” She’s nicknamed him Kevin Fatterline and teases him, asking, “When’s the baby due?” and calling him “a fat housewife.”
