Nickelodeon star Victoria Justice, who was recently dumped by her boyfriend Ray-Ray for her failure to “grow dat ass”, is trying her hand at love once again. This time Victoria Justice is shacking up with Ray-Ray’s cousin Lawrence, also known as the “urban” Mr Potato Head.

Like Victoria Justice, Lawrence is also something of an entertainer. He is known throughout the hood for the joy his enormous head brings. Lawrence can often be seen sprinting through the neighborhood streets with a gang of admirers close behind, rocks in hand pelting his freakishly large dome.

All this attention has helped Victoria Justice’s new boyfriend to catch his big break, as famed comedian and movie producer Tyler Perry has cast Lawrence in the role of “Rocky” for his new ethnic remake of the 1985 Cher classic “Mask”. Surely with this type of heat behind him, Lawrence and his potato head are destined for stardom, and Victoria Justice appears to be well positioned for the ride.

As you can see in the photo above, actress Minka Kelly, who recently broke up with her New York Yankee boyfriend Derek Jeter, signaled that she is on the prowl for a new man by finger f*cking her hot little mouth.

Like all Western women, Minka Kelly is trying to use the promise of good oral sex to lure a man into a relationship. By walking around fingering her own mouth Minka is letting men know that she greatly enjoys cock in her mouth (like we didn’t know that already).

Sadly for Minka Kelly this strategy is unlikely to work as she is using far too much teeth while demonstrating her blowjob technique. Obviously Minka is one of those girls who gives horrible, painful, teeth scraping blowjobs, but she is too hot for guys to complain so they pretend it feels good giving her the mistaken impression that she gives good head. Only a virile Muslim man like myself would have the balls to set Minka straight.

Miley Cyrus is has finally landed a Muslim boyfriend, and by his size and fancy adult diaper I can tell he is a powerful Sheik or at the very least a prominent warlord.

I knew if Miley Cyrus just continued following the Muslim ways of praying and wearing the burka, she would eventually land a strong Muslim man and her life would be fulfilled. It warms my heart to see Miley finally find contentment at the heel of a powerful Muslim. She has come a long way.

Let us hope that Miley Cyrus serves as an example to other Western women that if they repent and reform their heathen ways maybe one day they too can feel the thrill of being the loyal servant and breeding tool to a powerful virile Muslim man. Allahu Akbar!

Demi Lovato and her new boyfriend Yip Yip O’Callaghan were seen getting awfully cozy at a sex toy festival in the Napa Valley yesterday.

According to our spies Demi Lovato and her new beau could not keep their hands off each other. As one witness tells it “he kept palming at her breasts with his little hands, and she she seemed to be enjoying it… it was quite disturbing”.

When reached for comment Demi Lovato’s representatives refused to talk, but a close friend of Demi assured us that this relationship is for real and that Demi is quickly falling in love, “Yip Yip makes Demi feel like a real woman… and a giant. He is funny, musical, and like all mythical creatures he possess magical powers. Demi could not be happier!”

46 year old porn star Kim Kardashian was photographed yesterday frolicking on the beach with 16 year old Justin Bieber.

Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber are reportedly “just friends”, but Kim seems to get a kick out of pretending her and the nubile Bieber are dating.

When did it become OK for a fat ass old woman to pretend to be a pedophile? It must be recently because I remember news stories of some fine female High School teachers getting arrested for sleeping with their male students.

I think what Kim Kardashian is doing is much worse because not only is she sexualizing a minor, but doesn’t even have the decency to go all the way with it and put out. She is torturing the poor lad by cock teasing him.

This just further shows America’s hypocrisy. If this was a picture of Ron Jeremy holding hands with Selena Gomez the American public would be outraged. However, since it is a chunky Armenian prostitute with the child and not a man everyone seems to be OK with it.

Look very closely at the two pictures above of “Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere out for a walk with her boyfriend heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko. We have subtlety modified the second photo. Can you spot what is different in the 2nd pic?

Having trouble? We don’t blame you this one is a doozy. Here is a hint open your Qur’an to page 763 and look at line 12 the 5th word from the left.

Still need help? OK here is another hint. It is the one celebrity body part we’d most like to cut off with a saif.

If you are sharped eyed enough to spot the difference post your answer in the comments section below. Allahu Akbar!

After months of negotiations Joe Jonas has appeared to finally come to an agreement with Demi Lovato to be her “beard”. A beard is someone of the opposite sex who dates an obvious homosexual to help them hide the fact that they are gay.

Gay celebrities often use beards to mask their true sexual preferences *cough *cough Tom Cruise. Being a celebrity’s beard can be quite lucrative. No word yet on how much Joe Jonas stands to clear for pretending to date Demi Lovato though. Of course it is entirely possible that this is a mutually beneficial relationship in which both Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas are acting as each others’ beards a la the infamous Taylor Swift Taylor Lautner relationship.

One thing is abundantly clear though, there is absolutely no chemistry or sexual attraction between Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato. Just look at the photo above and tell me which one is the real couple?

Emma Watson has finally wised up and dumped her long time boyfriend 28-year-old financier Jew Jay Barrymore.

Emma’s split with Jay comes just days after Israel announced the expansion of settlements in the West Bank. Coincidence? I think not!

Emma Watson has obviously finally seen the truth about the Zionist cabal that is hell bent on ruling the world and enslaving humanity. She must have realized that they were just using her for her looks, and would have most certainly sacrificed her to their Gods and harvested her organs for profit.

Now Emma will no doubt want to be an obedient Muslim wife to a freedom fighting Jihadist. Of course the obvious match for her is noted terrorist Raheim Abdullah Jafer, but I could just as easily see her settling down with someone like Sheik Muhammed Karsal Muswali.

Miley Cyrus was out walking yesterday with a mysterious old man. No one knows for sure the identity of Miley’s companion but Celeb Jihad has learned that it is most likely 42-year-old Chet Herpenstein from Van Nuys, CA.

According to our sources, Chet lured Miley into his Mom’s van by asking her to help look for his lost puppy, and the two have been inseparable since. Chet’s mom Gloria Herpenstein is none to pleased about her son dating Miley though. She has been complaining to friends that she hears weird noises coming from his room down in the basement, and that the door is always locked when it never use to be in the past.

Here are the pictures of Miley Cyrus and her old man companion going for a walk together. Not pictured is Miley trying to slip a note to the photographer before being tasered and dragged back to a nearby residence.

OK this Disney f*ck fest is really getting out of hand. First it was Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez who were hooking up. Then Selena went bi and left Demi for Nick Jonas. Now it is Demi Lovato who is going bi with none other than Nick Jonas’ ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas.

Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas getting together does seem to make perfect sense. Demi gets a feminine man to make Selena jealous with, and Joe gets a masculine female to make Nick jealous with. As long as they keep the lights off and use a strap-on they could be very happy together.

However I can’t help but question if 2 latent homosexuals trying to go bi out of jealously really makes for a strong basis for a relationship. In my experience the best relationships are based on marriage contracts involving goats or an arrangement between warlords to strengthen tribal bonds. I guess I’m just old-fashioned like that.