Shakira was born on the mean streets of Bogota, Columbia. Bogota can be an unforgiving place so Shakira sought the protection of the Valdez crime family, one of Colombia’s oldest and most brutal coffee cartels.

The Valdez family patriarch Juan saw much promise in the young Shakira. He encouraged her to compete in extreme belly dancing fights, backyard ass shakeoffs, and cockfights. This forced Shakira to hone her talents, making her the entertainer she is today.

Shakira’s rise from cockfighting in the back-alleys of Bogota to being one of the world’s biggest pop stars is nothing short of remarkable. To honor Shakira’s achievement here are 12 of her sexiest animated GIFs.

It took 6lbs of grease to lube Shakira into this outfit (Fun Fact: It only takes one mouthful of spit to lube your way into Shakira’s ass)

In my hometown of Kandahar, Afghanistan a green waistband means “will have sex for money”. I guess what I’m trying to say is Shakira is probably a whore.

Shakira has successfully completed 3 marathons using just her ass muscle.

ASSume the position.

Shakira likes her men like she likes her amplifiers… black and loud… and with a hard plastic covering, various electronics inside, and plugged into a outlet.

Shakira was one of the first Western women to realize it is cool to dress and dance like an Arab prostitute.

Shakira’s hips don’t lie and right here they are saying that the Jews control the entertainment industry.

Shakira nicknamed this move the “coffee grinder”. She famously used it to down one Kitty Vasquez in a backyard booty shakeoff.

Show us were babies come from not were they sleep.

Mmm I love a flexible woman. I bet Shakira could get twice the housework done using her hands and feet… so hot!

Believe it or not there is a man with a yellow guitar in this GIF. Can you spot him?

Caution: GIF may cause sea sickness, and should not be viewed if pregnant.

This picture of Angelina Jolie’s naked ass was taken from the outtakes of her movie “Wanted”.

I applaud the producers of this film for cutting Angelina Jolie’s butt. However, they should have taken their new found moral courage even further and cut her entirely from the movie.

Women should not be allowed to act. If a story requires a female character, say as a prostitute, then a teenage boy in drag makes more than an acceptable replacement.

I have never seen this Angelina Jolie movie “Wanted” but I would bet that her role could have been played better and much more sexily by say Nick Jonas or another young feminine teen boy.

Yes Angelina Jolie’s ass is an offensive site to behold. Let us hope Hollywood takes heed of our call for young lady boys to replace women in the movies, less we be forced to issue another fatwa against them. Allahu Akbar!

Ashley Greene has been a very busy girl. Not only is she pretending to be blatant homosexual Joe Jonas’ girlfriend for the publicity, but she has also been hitting the gym hard to plump her pancake ass (her one and only physical flaw).

As you can see in the pictures below Ashley Greene has done a good job adding some definition and thickness to her once saggy behind. However, would it kill her to not be a whore and wear a burka to the gym? Sure she would have to be mindful not to get the cloth stuck in some of the machines, but squats can be performed just as easily in a burka as in this whore outfit Ashley has on.

I applaud Ashley Greene for her efforts. Not only is she using a heathen homosexual to boost her own fame, but she is working on approving her attractiveness to virile Muslim men by firming up her ass. If she would just work on her morality and accept Allah has her lord and master then she’ll be on her way to big things. Allahu Akbar!

Rihanna was the picture of class yesterday while at the beach in her bikini.

Appearing extremely dainty and feminine Rihanna showed off her prison tats while sipping vodka and splashing in the water. Rihanna then proceeded to stick her ass up in the air while she collected seashells. It is still open to speculation were Rihanna stored the seashells she found.

Yes Rihanna is very image of class and sophistication in the Western world as these pictures show. Boy were we Muslims wrong about women not being able to act properly when they are left to their own devices.

Sike! This article is what is known as sarcasm. Rihanna and all the other infidel women in the West are whores, deal with it!

Jessica Alba has shamelessly pulled down the back of her bikini to show photographers her bare butt.

Why Jessica thinks it is appropriate behavior to show the world her tight luscious round ass is beyond me? Obviously she was not brought up to feel shame for her behind like a proper lady.

I get it Jessica, you are not that famous anymore and you are desperate for attention, but this is no way to go about getting it. If Jessica Alba wants to make it back in the limelight she should go about it the right way, martyrdom.

Jessica Alba could show some class for once and blow herself up to on a bus or train to combat the evil Zionists crusaders who are hellbent on world conquest. Not only would the act cleanse her soul and send her immediately to paradise, but it would also bring much honor and fame to her name.

Think about it Jessica. The Zionists and their wicked public transportation must be stopped!

Remember when Jessica Biel was a big deal? No, well that is probably because she never was because she has no talent.

However, Jessica Biel is not completely unremarkable, she does have a pretty nice ass. Not nice enough to overcome her average looks and make her into a sex symbol like every Hollywood whore inspires to be.

Really her fatal mistake was not banging black guys. Black guys would have made Jessica a sex symbol because they do not care how busted a white chick’s face is as long as she has a thick butt.

Just look at Kim Kardashian. She looks like a damn tranny and probably has to wax her face every day to keep from getting her Armenian 5 O’clock shadow. Yet black guys have gotten so hyped up about her gigantic ass that they’ve catapulted her into being a sex symbol.

Let us take a moment and reflect on what could have been for Jessica Biel with these pictures of her ass in a tight bikinis.

You know a lot of sites (including this one) have been giving Miley Cyrus a hard time for her new “sexy” image just because she dresses and acts like a sex crazed hooker. However, as you can clearly see in the video below Miley Cyrus has appeared to have turned over a new leaf.

Miley has decided to embrace Islam the one true faith. Of course as a beginning Muslim Miley does not have the proper form when performing the “Salaat” or prayer.

Miley has the getting on all fours and facing Mecca part right, but she is messing up on the “Sudjood” were she prostrates herself to Allah. Miley needs to learn that instead of arching her back and sticking up her butt, she should put her hand on her knees and allow her forehead to touch the ground. With a little practice she will perfect it, and become a proper Muslim woman.

The power of Allah is great. If he can turn the slut Miley Cyrus into a respectable woman there is no limit to what he can do. Miley Cyrus fans take heed of your idol and embrace Islam as it is the only path to salvation. Allahu Akbar!