Nerd masturbation fodder Olivia Munn attempts being sexy in the new issue of Esquire magazine.

With her plain Jane looks and completely unremarkable body, Olivia Munn has to resort to not so subtle sexual innuendos like licking lollipops, showing her hard nipples, and using squirt guns in a desperate attempt to elicit some sex appeal in the photos below.

Unfortunately for Olivia Munn she fails epically at being sexy. The best thing for Olivia to do would be to wear the burka. She still wouldn’t be sexy, but at least she’d greatly reduce her chances of getting her skull caved in by us righteous Muslim men.

Hayden Panettiere is back on Miami Beach showing off her righteous Muslim body in the bikini pics below.

Muslimina Hayden certainly does Islam proud by intimidating the puny infidels with her squat and sturdy frame. Obviously her days spent milking goats, digging wells, and of course plowing the poppy fields have done her body good.

If only Hayden Panettiere had a sexy thick coating of dark body hair in these bikini pics, she’d be the ideal vision of Muslim beauty. Hayden should start a regimen of warm camel milk baths to stimulate the follicles, and then return to Miami Beach and really put the infidels to shame.

Selena Gomez has gone to Miami to prostitute her body in the bikini pictures below.

Like the salmon of Capistrano, Mexicans like Selena Gomez instinctively flock to South Florida to do blow and show off their sinful nearly nude bodies in skimpy bikinis.

Yes South Florida is a cesspool infested with Mexican whores like Selena Gomez, as well as bloodsucking mosquitoes and Jews. When Islam conquers America we will have to burn and salt the earth before Florida will be habitable for us pious Muslims.

“Vampire Diaries” star Nina Dobrev was caught dyking out while in a thong bikini in the photos below.

Nina Dobrev and her lesboqueer friends, Ryan Seacrest ex-beard Julianne Hough in pink and Ragina Ricker in black, were photographed on Miami Beach partaking in common lesbian sex acts like holding hands and checking each other for ticks.

These heathen sexual deviants then probably all retreated to their hotel room to strip out of their bikinis and eagerly tongue each other’s moist sin holes. A sickening image that disturbs the mind and upsets the digestion of us true pious Muslims.

At 17-years-old Kardashian sister Kendall Jenner’s biological clock is certainly ticking, and thus so is her viability of becoming a Muslim’s wife.

In a last ditch attempt to get her married off before she descends into darkness like her mudshark half-sisters Kim and Khloe, Kendall Jenner was taken to Greece and put in a thong bikini to advertise her wares in the photos below.

Unfortunately for Kendall I am not seeing much in these thong bikini pictures that would pique a Muslim’s interest, as her narrow hips do not bode well for birthing, and her weak frame does not look up to handling field work.

I am afraid the best Kendall Jenner can hope for is to serve as a concubine for a Muslim man who is into rough anal with skinny girls. Of course this life is infinitely more favorable to getting involved with black guys like her half-sisters Kim and Khloe Kardashian.

Rihanna just tweeted this photo showing off her ass in a thong bikini while in a pool.

Clearly Rihanna is risking her life and (more importantly for a black woman) the integrity of her weave by taking this thong bikini picture in a swimming pool.

Rihanna better cling to that raft for dear life or this will be her last thong pic, for as the old Islamic proverb goes, “Abids in water are like turds in a toilet, most of them sink”. Truly the wisdom of us Muslims is profound and boundless!

Just days after the bombing at the Boston marathon, actress Rachel Bilson unleashes a far more devastating attack against us Muslims with this bikini bombing.

This heinous and cowardly act by Rachel Bilson against the sensibilities of us pious Muslims will not be forgiven or forgotten.

As Rachel Bilson’s offensive nearly naked female body continually assaults our senses in these bikini pictures, know that us Muslims will come together and overcome this tragedy. No matter how big the explosion of scantily clad women the West throws at us we will prevail thanks to the power of Allah.