The future Mrs Durka Durka, Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel, continues to frustrate me. Since we are obviously soul mates and meant to be together I find it a little irritating that she has yet to respond to any of my letters. I didn’t even get so much as a thank you card for the delicious goat testicles I sent her.

Obviously the real problem is that Candice Swanepoel has not had her clit circumcised yet. That explains why she is too busy running around in her underwear being a whore instead of waiting on me hand and foot like proper woman should. If her thong fitter at Victoria’s Secret could just give her a little snip I would be very grateful, and kill them last in the coming religious war.

Until Candice Swanepoel accepts her place by my side I will continue to post pictures of her in lingerie to shame her. Here is are a ton of pics of Candice doing what she does.

Blake Lively the star of the CW show “Gossip Girl” was caught looking down girls’ shirts in her bikini in Miami this weekend.

Lively was photographed out on her hotel balcony pretending to talk on her cell phone, so she could look out over the side and see down busty women’s tops. This is the oldest trick in the book and one I have personally implemented numerous times with great success. What Blake fails to realize though is that she is a busty woman herself. She could easy look at and in fact fondle her own lushes breasts to her heart’s content. She doesn’t need to go perving on a balcony! Sadly like most women Blake is too stupid to realize this.

If Blake wants to not get busted next time she goes peeping on girls from a balcony she should try wearing something less conspicuous than a black bikini. I suggest a trench coat, aviators, and a Dick Tracy type hat from the 1930’s. That way if anyone sees her peeping they’ll assume she is a detective trying to crack the big case.

Desperate toss aside Jennifer Aniston was in Cancun looking hot as hell in a bikini. Is there nothing Jennifer Aniston won’t do to win Brad Pitt back? I mean looking sexy in a bikini is an obvious ploy by Aniston to get Pitt’s attention.

Notice how she crawls around with her ass up in the air. That is obviously for Brad’s benefit. With this bikini Jen is basically saying “Hey I’ve never had kid’s because my ovaries are barren, so I’m still super tight. Come back to me Brad!”

I don’t know if these bikini pics will be enough to win Brad back from Angelina because Angelina has a rocking body as well, and most likely is much freakier in bed. Aniston is going to have to step her game up with a highly publicized lesbian midget f*ck fest if she wants to get Brad’s attention again. Until then enjoy these pics of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini.

Demi Lovato is not taking the breakup with her long time lesbian companion Selena Gomez well, so she went on vacation to what appears to be a lesbian resort in the Bahamas.

At the resort Demi was photographed in her bikini getting friendly with a large topless “diesel dyke” in red swim trunks. No word yet if this she-beast is Demi’s new lesbian love interest or if she is just a quick rebound. Needless to say Demi Lovato’s self-esteem is hitting rock bottom right now, and her new lady friend is not going to be making Selena Gomez jealous at all.

Demi Lovato has got to realize that she is an attractive girl (as these bikini pictures show) and she has a lot to offer a girl. Any girl who doesn’t appreciate her is not worth Demi’s time. There are plenty of women out there that would jump at the chance to be with her and treat her right.

Well color me shocked. Kim Kardashian squeezed her ginormous ass into a bikini and actually looks pretty good. Unfortunately she still has that I’ll only do black guys look in her eyes, but the rest of her has greatly improved.

Has anyone done more for the black community than Robert Kardashian? The man fathered two of the greatest benefactors to black males in Kim and Chloe Kardashian, and he got O.J. Simpson off the hook for murder. If there is anyone who deserves a day of reverence it is Robert Kardashian not Martin Luther King. Last time I checked all of MLK’s daughters were fugly.

This brings me to my next point. Why do girls like Kim Kardashian get with black guys? Well everyone knows that the answer is to get back at their fathers for missing a ballet recital. However, wouldn’t it make more sense to get with Arabs such as myself instead? I mean we are pretty much the most hated minority now. What better way to stick it to the old man than by gobbling on some sweet Sunni nuts? Think about it ladies. Doing black guys to get back at dad is soooooo the 1950s.

Miley Cyrus has fled the country with her 46 year old lover Norman Leerer. The couple was spotted on what appears to be the surface of the moon frolicking in the sand around the craters.

Miley, who is still just 17 years old, obviously ran off with Norman to the moon so that they could be intimate without fear of retribution from this countries oppressive age of consent laws.

A more romantic scenario I have not heard. The cocky old pervert and the young teenage skank running off to bang each others brains out is the stuff of a Shakespeare sonnet. Enjoy these pictures of true romance in action.

Sienna Miller is an actress from such films as… ummm… well you’ve probably heard her name before because she is beautiful. Anyway Sienna was at the beach the other day in this tiny little pink bikini when she appears to have been viciously attacked by a malicious seafaring butt weevil.

As you can see in the pictures below Sienna desperately fights with the weevil as it burrows its way into her anus. Finally Sienna abandons the struggle and accepts her fate. The butt weevil will make its way up Sienna’s colon and lay its eggs in her small intestine. The eggs will just gestate for 3 months before hatching and killing her.

Enjoy some of the final pictures of Sienna Miller in a bikini.