Actor Wesley Snipes who is currently serving 3 years in federal prison for tax evasion is about to receive some good news. According to sources in Washington DC, President Barack Obama will be issuing his annual Martin Luther King Day pardon, and this year he is considering giving it to Wesley Snipes.

Obama has taken a lot of heat from the black community for not doing enough to help the plight of African Americans during his presidency. His Martin Luther King Day pardon is a way for him to give back. This year Obama has chosen Wesley Snipes because according to an aid,

“Lets face it that brother is dark. He could leave a hand print on coal. If Wesley Snipes was riding a motorcycle he’d get pulled over for having an illegal tint. What better way for the President to help black people than by pardoning the blackest one around?”

Of course the Presidential pardon does not come without a caveat. Obama is going to require that Wesley Snipes converts to Islam by tax day April 15th or risk being re-incarcerated. Our White House insider explains the reasoning behind this condition,

“As a child growing up in Kenya, Barack always took such comfort in the teachings of Islam, which he has carried with him his whole life. One of his dreams has always been to make America into a Socialist Muslim theocracy, and by forcing Wesley Snipes to convert to Islam he is getting much closer to making that dream a reality.”

After just 2 short years in office Barack Obama is already the greatest President the world has ever known. He promised to stop America’s imperialistic wars, and then brilliantly followed up on his promise by continuing and expanding them. He promised to give universal health care to all Americans, and he delivered and some by craftily paying for it without touching Americas brown people killing fund aka “the defense budget” and instead required pretty much every American to just pay for it their damn selves.

If all that was not enough Obama was also instrumental in getting the immensely popular banker bailout passed without which Goldman Sachs would never have been able to meet their executive bonus obligations. I shudder to imagine the collective guilt Americans would have felt if that nightmare would of been allowed to happen, especially since as Obama explained at the time, it was all the people’s fault for selfishly getting mortgages to buy homes.

I know what you are probably wondering, how has Obama been able to be so awesome? Is he the super Jesus the Bible foretold about? Maybe. Is he a robot built from the parts of all the great leaders of the past and recycled helicopters? Perhaps. Is he an alien who landed on this planet and received super decision making powers from the earth’s sun? Definitely not because that would mean he is not eligible to be President. I think the most logical explanation of Obama’s extremely awesome awesomeness is that he surrounds himself with only the best people.

If you want to know if you should continue fighting a war you ask a general. If you want to make a health care bill you ask the health care insurance industry to write it for you. If you want to know if you should continue giving trillions to Wall Street you ask guys like Larry Summers and Tim Geithner who work for Wall Street. Finally, if you want to know about being a super genius you take actor Gary Busey as your mentor, life coach, and top adviser, and that is just what Obama did.

As these exclusive behind the scenes White House photos show, it has been Gary Busey who Obama has relied upon throughout his Presidency. Let us hope that this dynamic duo of Obama and Busey keeps delivering in the next 2 years, so Americans can get their desperately needed war with Iran and expanded domestic spying program through the Patriot Act. Because someone has to keep an eye on all those unemployed people.

US Weekly is reporting that Angelina Jolie can not stand Barack Obama. A source close to Angelina is quoted as saying,

“She hates him… She’s into education and rehabilitation and thinks Obama is all about welfare and handouts. She thinks Obama is really a socialist in disguise… Angie isn’t Republican, but she thinks Obama is all smoke and mirrors”

By Muhammad’s beard! A celebrity with some political sense now I have seen everything! I must admit that Angelina’s attractiveness just increased greatly.

However according to my source close to Angelina the real reason she hates Obama is because he is African, but she can not adopt him.

“Here I stand, the son of a Kenyan goat herder, before you, the sons and daughters of those who perpetuated one of the worst acts of genocide in the history of mankind,” Obama said to the mesmerized crowd.

“And I bring to you a simple, easily chant-able, slogan; yes we can!”

Upon hearing the slogan, the transfixed crowd immediately began repeating it unison until Obama signaled for quiet with his outstretched right hand.

In his 30-minute address, Obama did not overtly criticize President George W. Bush or his presumptive Republican opponent, Senator John McCain, but he did offer a gentle dose of criticism of his own nation.

“I know my country has not perfected itself,” said Obama, who apparently forgot that he was addressing Germans, the people responsible for World War I (20 Million dead), World War II (72 Million dead), and the band Rammstein.

“We’ve made our share of mistakes, and there are times when our actions around the world have not lived up to our best intentions,” added Obama, who somehow managed to keep a straight face while pandering to the Jew-hating Kraut bastards.

Despite jams at the entrances and poor reception at the back of the crowd, most of the fascist offspring appeared to be highly impressed with Obama.

“He’s cosmopolitan, not only American,” said Bruna Hoffman, a student of international relations from Berlin whose grandfather served in the Waffen S.S. and personally shot 53 men, women and children while occupying Distomo, Greece, in June of 1944. “He’s a world citizen.”

After the speech, as night fell on the capital, the crowd, armed with lit torches supplied by Obama’s field staff, goose stepped with clocklike precision to Obama’s hotel. Once in place, the crowd used their torches to spelled out “ja, wir können” as a stone-faced Obama looked on from his balcony.

Manfred Straus, 65, who drove all the way from Austria to attend the rally, said the event brought back memories of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s quieter visit to East Berlin in 1964, when he was a student.

“I thought, here is someone coming from the same place,” he said.

Added Straus, “Well, I’d better get going since I keep my daughter hidden in a secret dungeon beneath my garage, and I want to get back in time to rape her before my wife gets home from work.”

Obama travels to France on Friday.