US Weekly is reporting that Angelina Jolie can not stand Barack Obama. A source close to Angelina is quoted as saying,
“She hates him… She’s into education and rehabilitation and thinks Obama is all about welfare and handouts. She thinks Obama is really a socialist in disguise… Angie isn’t Republican, but she thinks Obama is all smoke and mirrors”
By Muhammad’s beard! A celebrity with some political sense now I have seen everything! I must admit that Angelina’s attractiveness just increased greatly.
However according to my source close to Angelina the real reason she hates Obama is because he is African, but she can not adopt him.
President Barack Obama has been awarded the 2009 Nobel Prize for Peace. The Nobel committee sited Obama’s deep commitment to shooting impoverished Somali pirates in the head as the determining factor in awarding him the prize.
“Sure his theoretical achievements such as closing Guantanamo Bay or ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are impressive,” said committee member Berg Klippfisk. “But what clinched it for us was his deep commitment to having impoverished Somali pirates shot in the head, especially after they have already been surrounded and are negotiating the release of their only hostage.”
Added Klippfisk, “Also, he’s black, so, ya know.”
Barack Obama has named his Secretary of Defense… and he’s a Colonel!
In a move that will surely shake up the status quo in Washington, Barack Obama chose Colonel Sanders to be his Secretary of Defense. This is a bold selection that will set the tone for Obama’s new international relations agenda.
Col. Sanders is definitely not a Washington insider. Though he is a Colonel, he tends to spend most of his time on his chicken farm in Kentucky rather than in the bowels of the Pentagon.
While introducing his new Secretary of Defense, Obama had this to say: “He is a man I can trust. He is a man the American people can believe in. We know what we are getting with Col. Sanders. We know he is a Colonel. We know he can keep a secret (recipe). We know he fries one hell of a chicken.”
Berlin (CelebJihad.com) – More than 200,000 descendants of the Third Reich lined the streets of Berlin yesterday hoping to catch a glimpse of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. The awe-struck crowd, desperately trying to alleviate its collective guilt by listening to a black man speak, seemed completely enthralled by the highly charismatic leader.
“Here I stand, the son of a Kenyan goat herder, before you, the sons and daughters of those who perpetuated one of the worst acts of genocide in the history of mankind,” Obama said to the mesmerized crowd.
“And I bring to you a simple, easily chant-able, slogan; yes we can!”
Upon hearing the slogan, the transfixed crowd immediately began repeating it unison until Obama signaled for quiet with his outstretched right hand.
In his 30-minute address, Obama did not overtly criticize President George W. Bush or his presumptive Republican opponent, Senator John McCain, but he did offer a gentle dose of criticism of his own nation.
“I know my country has not perfected itself,” said Obama, who apparently forgot that he was addressing Germans, the people responsible for World War I (20 Million dead), World War II (72 Million dead), and the band Rammstein.
“We’ve made our share of mistakes, and there are times when our actions around the world have not lived up to our best intentions,” added Obama, who somehow managed to keep a straight face while pandering to the Jew-hating Kraut bastards.
Despite jams at the entrances and poor reception at the back of the crowd, most of the fascist offspring appeared to be highly impressed with Obama.
“He’s cosmopolitan, not only American,” said Bruna Hoffman, a student of international relations from Berlin whose grandfather served in the Waffen S.S. and personally shot 53 men, women and children while occupying Distomo, Greece, in June of 1944. “He’s a world citizen.”
After the speech, as night fell on the capital, the crowd, armed with lit torches supplied by Obama’s field staff, goose stepped with clocklike precision to Obama’s hotel. Once in place, the crowd used their torches to spelled out “ja, wir können” as a stone-faced Obama looked on from his balcony.
Manfred Straus, 65, who drove all the way from Austria to attend the rally, said the event brought back memories of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s quieter visit to East Berlin in 1964, when he was a student.
“I thought, here is someone coming from the same place,” he said.
Added Straus, “Well, I’d better get going since I keep my daughter hidden in a secret dungeon beneath my garage, and I want to get back in time to rape her before my wife gets home from work.”
Obama travels to France on Friday.
