The Internet is in a tizzy over rumors that Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers was just arrested for prostitution.
According to preliminary reports, Joe Jonas was arrested at 4:15am this morning at the corner of Sunset and La Brea in Los Angeles, and charged with prostitution. Police are alleging that Joe Jonas entered a vehicle in furtherance of his solicitation bid (said car apparently being operated by an undercover cop). Joe Jonas is also being charged with a second misdemeanor for loitering in a public place “with the intent to commit prostitution.”
If these rumors prove to be true we can not help but think this desperate act of man-whoring may be related to Joe Jonas’ crack addiction. Joe has been on a downward spiral for years now, let us hope this is the wake up call he needs to turn his life around. Allahu Akbar!
Various reputable online news outlets are reporting that Justin Bieber has just been arrested for molesting one of his fans.
According to reports it all started when Justin Bieber was hosting a sleep over for a few friends and fans at his mom’s house. Apparently at around 1:00am the group decided to play a game called “7 minutes in heaven”. 7 minutes in heaven is a kissing game in which 2 people are selected to go into a closet and do whatever they like for 7 minutes.
Justin Bieber and the 17 year old alleged victim were chosen to enter the closet first, and when they emerged the alleged victim was in tears. She immediately contacted police and filed molestation charges against Justin Bieber.
According to sources Justin Bieber was taken into custody and booked for sexual acts on a minor. He was then transported to county lockup to await trial.
Justin Bieber has various gang affiliations, especially with the Crips, so he should have no problems in prison. Let us hope these rumors about him being a degenerate pedophile are proven false in court, but for right now it does not look good for Bieber.
Pop sensation Selena Gomez was arrested in Arizona and has been deported, the associated press is reporting. The move comes just days after the state’s tough new immigration law came into effect.
According to a local official who wished to remain anonymous, Selena raised the suspicion of an Arizona State Trooper when she was spotted riding a donkey through a Home Depot parking lot with a cardboard sign reading “will work for churro.” When police questioned Selena, she was unable to provide proper documentation proving her citizenship. She was then arrested, booked and deported.
Several switchblades and three live chickens were found among Selena’s possessions. Police speculate that the birds were to be used in an illegal cock fight later that evening.
As an illegal immigrant to this country, I must protest this unjust, inhumane treatment. Citizens of Arizona should be ashamed of themselves. It’s been years since my student visa expired, but in that time I’ve become an active member of my community. Every month, the 1/3 of my disability check that I don’t send to Hamas is spent at local businesses, most of which are owned by my cousin Anwar. I have also become involved with local government, and recently started a petition that seeks to outlaw Christmas and require women over the age of eight to remain in their homes for the duration of their monthly mensuration.
As you can see, I am as American as apple pie. That’s why I say free Selena!
Mason Dash Disick, the newborn son of Kourtney Kardashian, was accused of using a weapon during a domestic violence incident that led to his arrest last week, police say.
Calabasas police spokesman Richard Burner did not specify what weapon Disick was accused of using, the Associated Press reports. Disick, who was born last month, spent part of the weekend in jail after he was arrested on charges of second degree assault, menacing and criminal mischief. Menacing involves using a weapon.
The arrest comes less than a month after Disick checked into rehab after crashing his car outside a Los Angeles strip club. The identity of Disick’s accuser has not been released, but is rumored to be his live-in girlfriend and former reality-TV star Daisy de la Hoya.
Disick was released Sunday evening after posting $8,500 bond. He is due in court Feb. 10.
Charlie Sheen’s wife Brooke Mueller called police on her husband Christmas morning, and claimed he had assaulted and choked her. Charlie Sheen was arrested for felony second degree assault, and spent most of Christmas day in jail.
Sources say authorities gave both Charlie and Brooke blood alcohol tests. Brooke registered a .13 while Charlie registered a .04 (which is the amount of alcohol permanently in Charlie Sheen’s system without having a drink). Brooke then recanted her story to a female officer just before Charlie’s bail hearing, telling the cop she was very drunk when she made the 911 call.
Celeb Jihad has learned that Brooke Mueller has just stumbled into the police station with tinsel stuck to her hair, and carrying an empty bottle of Goldschlager (or as she calls it “Christmas juice”) and is accusing Charlie Sheen of murder.
Brooke has let loose a string of accusations against her husband including that he is a “stupid face”, “couldn’t f*ck his way out of a paper bag”, and that he “killed Jon Benet Ramsey”. She apparently wants to press charges on all 3 counts. Police are now conducting a manhunt for Sheen who they will most likely shoot on sight.
