Reports are coming in that pop diva Justin Bieber was arrested in Malibu earlier today for indecent exposure, after walking around on the beach completely topless.
Of course this isn’t the first time Justin Bieber has been caught flaunting his developing teen breasts, however this time it appears as though the law has finally caught up with him.
Justin Bieber needs to realize that as he advances into womanhood, it is going to become less and less socially acceptable for him to parade around with his little titties hanging out. Hopefully Justin Bieber uses his time in jail to reflect upon his shameful behavior, and once released he will finally start conducting himself like a proper lady.
MTV’s hit series “The Jersey Shore” has begone filming in Florence, Italy, and already one of the show’s stars is in trouble with the local law enforcement.
As you can see in the video below, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was brutally arrested by Italian police earlier today. Snooki is being charged with “impersonating a meatball” a serious offense in Italy which, if convicted, carries a 12 year prison sentence.
Snooki is currently being held without bail in a vat of marinara sauce. No word yet on how MTV is going to handle the situation, or how The Situation is going to handle the situation.
When LeBron James’ mother isn’t f*cking LeBron’s teammates behind his back, she is out spending her son’s money, and getting arrested for assault.
According to a Miami Beach police report, LeBron James’ mother Gloria and a friend stood around talking for 30 minutes while a valet waited with her car. The valet says Gloria then approached him and said, “Where are my f*cking keys.”
When the valet failed to produce the keys fast enough, Gloria slapped him so hard in the face, she lost her balance and fell to the ground. When a police officer arrived on the scene Gloria shouted “I don’t trust your kind” and refused to cooperate. She was arrested and later released pending a trial.
So many of the Jersey Shore cast members have great bodies, but only use them to carry on fornicating with feeble-minded American men and women. Ronnie however, appears to have both the body and spirit of a warrior, something that the Allah faithful could really use these days.
Demonstrating Ronnie’s predisposition to fighting is a recent indictment for 3rd-degree assault on a man in 2009. Now, 3rd-degree assault is either 2 degrees more badass than 1st-degree assault or 2 degrees less. We don’t know. We’re not lawyers. In fact, we can’t even read. A young Spanish boy is actually typing this for us.
Anyway…Ronnie. While The Situation’s name inspires fear in even the most hardened men, we feel with Ronnie’s great size, orange hue, and warrior spirit, he may be able to take on the infidels from the inside out. Besides we will not need to outfit him with GPS because we can always see his spiked hair, a beacon of hope and the promise of a better day.
WE LOVE YOU, RONNIE!
The Internet is in a tizzy over rumors that Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers was just arrested for prostitution.
According to preliminary reports, Joe Jonas was arrested at 4:15am this morning at the corner of Sunset and La Brea in Los Angeles, and charged with prostitution. Police are alleging that Joe Jonas entered a vehicle in furtherance of his solicitation bid (said car apparently being operated by an undercover cop). Joe Jonas is also being charged with a second misdemeanor for loitering in a public place “with the intent to commit prostitution.”
If these rumors prove to be true we can not help but think this desperate act of man-whoring may be related to Joe Jonas’ crack addiction. Joe has been on a downward spiral for years now, let us hope this is the wake up call he needs to turn his life around. Allahu Akbar!
Various reputable online news outlets are reporting that Justin Bieber has just been arrested for molesting one of his fans.
According to reports it all started when Justin Bieber was hosting a sleep over for a few friends and fans at his mom’s house. Apparently at around 1:00am the group decided to play a game called “7 minutes in heaven”. 7 minutes in heaven is a kissing game in which 2 people are selected to go into a closet and do whatever they like for 7 minutes.
Justin Bieber and the 17 year old alleged victim were chosen to enter the closet first, and when they emerged the alleged victim was in tears. She immediately contacted police and filed molestation charges against Justin Bieber.
According to sources Justin Bieber was taken into custody and booked for sexual acts on a minor. He was then transported to county lockup to await trial.
Justin Bieber has various gang affiliations, especially with the Crips, so he should have no problems in prison. Let us hope these rumors about him being a degenerate pedophile are proven false in court, but for right now it does not look good for Bieber.
Pop sensation Selena Gomez was arrested in Arizona and has been deported, the associated press is reporting. The move comes just days after the state’s tough new immigration law came into effect.
According to a local official who wished to remain anonymous, Selena raised the suspicion of an Arizona State Trooper when she was spotted riding a donkey through a Home Depot parking lot with a cardboard sign reading “will work for churro.” When police questioned Selena, she was unable to provide proper documentation proving her citizenship. She was then arrested, booked and deported.
Several switchblades and three live chickens were found among Selena’s possessions. Police speculate that the birds were to be used in an illegal cock fight later that evening.
As an illegal immigrant to this country, I must protest this unjust, inhumane treatment. Citizens of Arizona should be ashamed of themselves. It’s been years since my student visa expired, but in that time I’ve become an active member of my community. Every month, the 1/3 of my disability check that I don’t send to Hamas is spent at local businesses, most of which are owned by my cousin Anwar. I have also become involved with local government, and recently started a petition that seeks to outlaw Christmas and require women over the age of eight to remain in their homes for the duration of their monthly mensuration.
As you can see, I am as American as apple pie. That’s why I say free Selena!
