Miley Cyrus, her pushed-up boobs, and some old guy she is banging right now (lets call him Beardo) were all in attendance at the 18th Annual Elton John AIDS Rocks Party Fun Time in Hollywood last night before the Oscars.
Miley was said to be so moved by the party that she is now open to giving AIDS a chance in her life. According to a source close to Cyrus, “She use to think that AIDS was just something the blacks and queers got, but she has now come to realize that filthy c*m sl*t Hollywood whores can get it too… and that intrigues her.”
No word yet if Beardo is carrying and will be infecting Miley, but the bug chasing actress should have no problem finding a carrier among the bevy of Hollywood hunks on the “DL” that she can easily persuade into having a night of unprotected anal love making.
Lady Gaga has contracted an embarrassing case of Crotch Spiders.
Last night while at a benefit in Ottawa supporting NHL hockey players with HIV, the singer had to cut short her performance as the tiny spiders began crawling out of her vagina at an alarming rate, covering her body with menstrual blood in the process.
“For most of the month the spiders are content to stay within the confines of her vagina,” said Doctor Cory Wouters, an expert on Crotch Spiders. “But when there is a heavy menstrual flow, the poor little guys have no where else to go.”
Added Wouters, “The lucky ones made it to her mouth.”
Wouters added that the spider’s large egg-sacks could easily be mistaken for testicles, which could explain the rumors surrounding Lady Gaga having male sex organs.”
“That, or she could just be some sort of creepy he-she tranny thing,” Dr. Wouters said.
Despite his wealth and power, there’s still one thing that money can’t buy for Elton John: a Ukrainian AIDS baby. In fact, it would be much easier for Sir Elton to go out and get AIDS than it would be for him to adopt an AIDS infected child.
John (pictured left) and his gay lover, David Furnish (pictured right), will not be allowed to adopt because Ukrainian law prohibits unmarried couples from doing so. Also, the age limit for prospective adoptive parents is 42. John is 65. The fact that Elton John is an asshole did not factor into the decision.
I for one applaud the Ukrainian government’s decision. First off, AIDS babies are a valuable natural resource which the Ukraine is wise to protect. Secondly, the Qur’an strictly forbids gay pop stars from adopting AIDS babies, and for good reason. Just think of the decadent life-saving drugs those rich sodomites might try to give the child. The boy is much better off in a Ukrainian orphanage eating gruel and slowly losing his immune system.
