Arnold Schwarzenegger is in the news for dumping his old useless wife for being past her child bearing and plowing years. Of course the Zionist controlled mainstream media is trying to make Arnold out to be the bad guy, like it is his fault that his wife is no longer sexually attractive.

These Zionists are focusing on the Schwarzenegger maid, who Arnold reportedly fathered a love child with (which is his right as the head of the household). We here at Celeb Jihad were able to track down this maid, one Lupe Ortiz, in the parking lot of a Home Depot, and got the exclusive interview below (and a handjob).

We are here with the Schwarzenegger maid Lupe Ortiz. First I’d just like to say thank you for doing this interview Lupe.

Si

Now you were the Schwarzenegger maid for many years, and throughout that time you were engaged in a sexual relationship with Arnold is that correct?

Si

Fascinating! What was Arnold like as a lover? I imagine as an infidel he had a tiny manhood and could not please a woman am I right?

Si

Wow juicy stuff! According to media reports you gave birth to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child nearly 10 years ago. Is this true?

Si

And where is the child now?

Si

Oh Lupe you don’t hold anything back do you!

Si

Hot damn you are on a roll. Now lets get down to some of the tougher questions. What were you saying earlier about a $15 handjob?

Si

*Interview stopped for surprisingly pleasant handjob

Still steaming from his lose to Phil Mickelson at the Masters on Sunday, reports are coming in that Tiger Woods has decided to beat Phil in another arena in which he is extremely proficient, sex.

Rumors are swirling that, on seeing Phil’s affectionate display with his wife Amy after winning the Masters, Woods decided to hatch a plan to bed her to teach Phil a lesson.

Tiger is reportedly already laying the ground work for the romance by texting her coy little messages like “anal fisting?” and “ever have a 3some… in your mouth?”

Tiger Woods’ charm is undeniable. Phil may have won the battle, but it looks like Tiger is going to win the war.

Sandra Bullock is a disloyal wife. Even after Jesse James was guilted by the Zionist media into issuing that ridiculous public apology for exercising his Allah given right as a man to pillage any woman’s vijeen he wants, Sandra still has not resumed her role at his side and instead moved out of his house in Long Beach.

When Jesse purchased Sandra from her father for a dowry I imagine consisted of a fair amount of goats since she is a useful working woman in the movies, she swore to be his loyal servant for all his days and then when he passes to take her own life on top of his grave so that her body will decompose and serve as fertilizer for the flowers placed there.

However, now Sandra Bullock is using this Jesse James plowing some whore story to forsake her wifely obligations. I don’t see why Sandra should be upset at all. Last time I checked she was the only wife in Jesse James harem. How much attention does one woman need!?!

I think it is about time Jesse James maned up and tracked down Sandra, smacked her around, and dragged her back to his home. He may also considering taking her clit for humiliating him with this public temper tantrum.

Like most of the nation I have been in tears for most of the day today after finding out that Jesse James has been having an affair behind Sandra Bullock’s back with some girl named Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. This news is so devastating that I, like most of you, will probably be forced to take my own life from the grief sometime later today.

Until then I’d like to cast a light on the home wrecker who ruined the Sandra Bullock Jesse James marriage. As you can see in the picture above she has that girl next door look that men find irresistible. Apparently her affair with Jesse James started when she friend requested him on Facebook. Everyone knows a friend request from a girl on Facebook is an open invitation to pillage her stink hole. Poor Jesse James was unable to resist the allure of this fresh faced vixen and succumbed to her brazen advances by inviting her up to LA to stay with him while Sandra was away filming “The Blind Side”.

I can only pray that Sandra Bullock finds it in her heart to forgive Jesse for this small indiscretion. Hopefully she can realize how lucky she is to have a man like him for her husband. It is so rare to find a tattooed wannabe tough guy in LA that if you are fortunate enough to get one you damn well better hold on to him.

Well the flood gates are now officially open. A new woman has come forward claiming to be Tiger Woods mistress.

Her name is Jaimee Grubbs. She claims she met Tiger in Las Vegas in 2007. She was a cocktail waitress at the time. According to Jamiee she had a long-running affair with Tiger.

If Jamiee Grubbs looks familiar that is because she is no stranger to being the other woman. On the 1st season of VH1′s “Tool Academy”, Jamiee was one of the girls who brought on her boyfriend because he acted like a tool.

Half way through the show Jaimee was shocked when another woman appeared and claimed to be her boyfriend’s real long time girlfriend. The tool confirmed that the other woman was his real girlfriend and Jaimee was just something on the side.

I have a feeling a few more women are going to come forward before this is all said and done. Tiger should have stuck with the long drive instead of trying to 2 putt.

It looks like Tiger Woods needs a new driver.

In an apologetic statement released today, Woods said that the accident he was in early Friday morning was his fault. Tiger then went on to make a startling confession.

I know there has been a lot of nasty rumors going around about me. Well as this accident plainly shows they are true. I am in fact half-asian, so I am a horrible driver.

Asians have long been known to be a scourge on our nation’s roads. For years Tiger Woods apologists have claimed that being half-black overpowered the horrible driving genes he got from his Asian mother. However after this recent incident we can see that unfortunately for Tiger this is not the case.

No word yet what other parts of Tiger are Asian, but according to sources close to the couple, Tiger and his wife have been fighting a lot recently. This will inevitably lead to further speculation that Tiger Woods is also Asian in the pants.

This is Amber from Dallas, TX and apparently she is Kobe Bryant’s secret girlfriend. People that know her in Dallas say that Kobe has been banging her for months, sending her sexual texts, and even flew her out to LA for a few Lakers’ games.

Amber does look like Kobe’s type, that is to say a completely average looking white girl. Maybe Kobe thought if he took this frumpy girl as his mistress it would be easier to keep secret.

If this affair gets confirmed Kobe better be ready to take his wife jewelry shopping. After that whole rape thing Kobe gave his wife a 8-carat purple diamond ring worth about $4 million. I wonder how much she will charge him for Amber?