What Celebrity Dick Tastes Like!

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It’s Gay Pride Week, or at least that’s what my dad told me. In honor of this momentous occasion the boys at CelebJihad have gone a little gay and compiled the following list of what celebrity dick tastes like!

 

Mike Myers Mike Myers’ dick tastes like it’s been fucking the same dead horse since 1997.
Pete Wentz and his stupid wife. Pete Wentz’s dick tastes like it wishes it was Tony Romo’s dick.
Tony Romo Tony Romo’s dick tastes like Joe Simpson’s breath mints.
Guy Richie and his grandma. Guy Richie’s dick tastes like buyer’s remorse and dusty sardines.
Bill Engvall Bill Engvall’s dick tasted so mind-numbing trite that I would’ve gladly taken it out of my mouth and replaced it with a loaded shotgun.
Tom Cruise Tom Cruise’s dick will taste like my ass if his lawyers find out I’ve implied it tastes like anything other than his beautiful wife’s vagina.
Randy Jackson Randy Jackson’s dick tastes like flop sweat and bacon.
George Carlin George Carlin’s dick tastes like 3 of the 7 words you can’t use on television…and formaldehyde.
Alan Greenspan I thought that Alan Greenspan’s dick tasted like pickled herring, but it may have been Barbara Walters.
R. Kelly R. Kelly’s dick tastes like our judicial system’s torn and bloodied asshole…and piss-covered Thin Mints.
J. Alexander J. Alexander’s dick…I’m not even going to bother with a joke. Just fucking look at him, for fuck’s sake. What the fuck, man? What the fuck?
Bill Clinton Bill Clinton’s dick tastes like a bitter, angry cunt. Just kidding! It hasn’t tasted like that since the night Chelsea was conceived. These days it tastes like various hotel maids and a certain Laker Girl who’d better know how to keep her mouth shut.
Barrack Obama Barrack Obama’s dick tastes completely overrated, but at least he has one (ZING!)! Besides, it was a nice change of pace from having George Bush’s dick in my ass.
D The Dalai Lama’s dick tastes like it’s been in some sort of gerbil nest.
Chris Hanson Chris Hanson’s dick tastes like cookies and lemonade.
Big Brown Big Brown’s dick tastes like it’s been in an ass. GET IT?!
Perez Hilton Perez Hilton’s dick tastes like it’s been in an ass. GET IT?!
Charlton Heston Charlton Heston’s dick tastes like his cold, dead hand.


Not a gay dude? Don’t feel left out! Lesbians can check out our Pulitzer-Prize winning article on celebrity vagina. Bisexual? Read both. Transgender? Go fuck yourself (ZING!)!


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