Twilight Star John Murtha Dies

Democratic Representative and Twilight star John Murtha died on Monday at the age of 77, according to media reports. He had been suffering complications after a gallbladder surgery.

A retired Marine and a vociferous critic of the Iraq War, Murtha was set to appear in this year’s Twilight sequel, Twilight: Eclipse. He was cast as Tyrone Cullen, a jive-talking vampire from Brooklyn who teaches his vampire grandson Edward (Robert Pattinson) how to dance for the big vampire talent show.

A memorial service will be held this Friday.

  • bettyel

    Are you kidding me. I don’t see anything in the Eclipse script or book about a talent show, Grandfather or Brooklyn. Where did this come from?

  • Dead Ed™

    Good-bye, big dumbass Murtha. You get no pity from me with your “there was no firefight, there was no IED (improvised explosive device) that killed these innocent people. Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them, and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood.”
    Our troops killing “innocent civilians in cold blood”? WTF? I hope where you are now you can explain yourself to the troops that passed fighting this war. I only hope Senator Dick “Turban” Durbin is next to die with his stupid comments that the prisoners in Guantanamo are being treated like our troops were Nazis and Polpots.

    And I hope Senator Kerry is next for his comments that our troops are “terrorizing women and children in the dark of night”.

    Or I hope Barack Obama dies for lying that our troops are “air-raiding villages and killing civilians”.

    All lies by these liberal motherfucking Democrats.

    May they all die.

    • Jesus

      Wow, what a sad little man!

    • Taylor

      Haha hell yeah

  • mere

    uuuuhhhh………..bettyel, it was totally a joke……. There isn’t a talent show, or grandfather, this article was fake LOL

  • Uhhh

    I like women

  • a whitey

    AHHH ha. there you are again taylor. i knew you were just a character

  • Taylor

    Yes here I am again. Hi

  • cass

    i did not see anything in the book about a granfather or a vampire talent show!

  • Ted

    I love this website! It’s like The Onion, but without all that pesky funniness!

  • Angie

    Don’t you think its a little disrespectful to joke about someone who’s recently died. He obviously wasn’t in the movie, but making a joke at this person’s expense is just plain cruel.

  • Dead Ed™

    Well, John Murtha seemed to get a lot of flowers this Valentine’s Day.

    • Taylor

      I like flowers on my radio